Finding Your True Self: Are You Really Insane?
by Pooh Bear Is My Hero
Summary: Sasuke finds a book that will show him 50 ways to find out if he's insane or not. Very random story. Most, if not all characters will probably be OOC. Chapter 19: Sasukemon! I Choose You! is finally up!
1. The Journey to Discovery Begins!

1Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, but I do own the narrator in the story, because the narrator is me! Yay me!

Very random story and most likely many if not all characters will be OOC. Flame if you want, I really don't care. ON WITH THE STORY!

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Pooh Bear Is My Hero: One day Sasuke was walking to the bookstore to pick up the newest book in the Icha Icha series for his sensei, Kakashi. Little did he know, that one trip would change his life.

"Who's there?" Sasuke yelled, looking up at the sky.

Pooh Bear is My Hero: I am the narrator, Pooh Bear is My Hero! You may call me Pooh Bear for short!

"The who?" Sasuke asked the voice in the sky.

Pooh Bear is My Hero: I am the one who will be controlling every aspect of your life for the next few days!

"What are you talking about, and what do you mean my life will change forever?" Sasuke asked as he walked into the bookstore.

Pooh Bear is My Hero: You will find out soon enough. So anyway, Sasuke began looking at the books, trying to find the one he was sent to g-

"Must you announce EVERYTHING I do?" Sasuke asked in an annoyed tone.

Pooh Bear is My Hero: YES AND NEVER INTERRUPT ME AGAIN!

"Or what?" Sasuke asked with a smirk on his face.

Pooh Bear is My Hero: Or THIS! Sasuke then walked over to the fireplace in the store and tripped, falling in. He was then consumed by the flames.

"Wow, look at that! NOTHING HAPPENED! Guess you don't have as much power as you thought." Sasuke said with a smug look on his face. Suddenly, Sasuke started walking over to the fireplace. He tried and tried, but couldn't stop himself from walking. He had no control over what he was doing. Sasuke then tripped and fell in, being consumed by flames.

"AAAHHHH! Pooh Bear, save me! I promise I will never interrupt you again!" Sasuke begged.

Pooh Bear is My Hero: Fine... Sasuke was freed from the fireplace.

Sasuke fell out of the fireplace, still on fire. "AAAHHHHH!" he screamed at the top of his lungs. He then rolled around on the floor, attempting to put the fire out.

Pooh Bear is My Hero: Sorry! Let's see, oh, I KNOW! The owner of the shop appeared with a fire extinguisher in hand and used it to put the fire out. He used up the entire can to put out the fire. He then began beating Sasuke with the empty can to put the rest of the fire out.

The owner of the store suddenly appeared with the fire extinguisher and sprayed Sasuke with it and when he ran out, he began beating Sasuke with the can. When the owner finished, he left to go back to the counter, leaving Sasuke on the ground, moaning in pain.

"I swear I'll kill you one day Narrator person, thing, whatever you are!" Sasuke yelled.

Pooh Bear is My Hero: That's not a very nice thing to say! Punishment time! I love this part! Sasuke got up and rammed himself into one of the bookshelves. He then fell over in pain again in front of the bookshelf. The bookshelf then collapsed on him.

Sasuke got up and rammed himself into the bookshelf, not even bothering to try and stop himself for he realized by now that it wouldn't work. He then fell on the ground and the bookshelf collapsed on him. All that was heard from Sasuke under the shelf was a loud "UNGH!"

Pooh Bear is My Hero: Sasuke pushed the bookshelf off of him and found a yellow book. He picked it up, read the cover, and decided to buy it.

Sasuke did as the Narrator stated and read the title of the book, "Finding Your True Self: Are You Really Insane? 50 Ways To Learn If You Are Or Not. Why am I buying this?"

Poon Bear is My Hero: This is the thing that will change your life forever!

"What are you talking about? I'm not insane!" Sasuke protested.

Pooh Bear is My Hero: That's what you think... Sasuke walked over to the counter. The owner grabbed his fire extinguisher and whacked Sasuke in the head with it one last time to make sure the fire was out. After he was sure it was out, the man took the money Sasuke offered him for the book. Sasuke then left with the book in his hand to his house..

Sasuke walked to the counter, against his will yet again, got whacked in the head and yelped in pain, paid for the book, and left as the narrator said he would.

Pooh Bear is My Hero: And this is where our story unfolds!

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Very strange, I know. I just wanted to try something entirely different from my other two stories, so here it is!

Pooh Bear Is My Hero


	2. First Tip

1Disclaimer: Still don't own Naruto!

Instead of writing out Pooh Bear Is My Hero all the time, I'm just going to write Pooh Bear from now on. ON WITH THE STORY!

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**Number One**

**You Know You're Insane If You Hear A Voice In The Sky That Claims To Be The One Who Controls Every Aspect Of Your Life.**

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Pooh Bear: Well, looks like you're insane Sasuke.

"NO! There is no way I'm insane! I bet everyone can hear you, not just me!" Sasuke said.

Pooh Bear: Sorry, only you can hear me!

"NO! I'll find someone else who can hear you, too!" Sasuke yelled, pointing a finger up at the sky. At that moment, Naruto came walking toward Sasuke.

"Sasuke, who are you talking to?" Naruto asked the boy who was pointing at the sky.

"NARUTO! Can you hear a voice coming from the sky?" Sasuke asked the blonde haired boy.

"I don't hear anything Sasuke." Naruto said.

"NARRATOR THING!" Sasuke yelled back up to the sky, "TALK NOW!" He received no answer.

"Are you okay Sasuke?" Naruto asked warily, "Who are you talking to?"

"The insane narrator," Sasuke replied, clearly annoyed.

Pooh Bear: WHO ARE YOU CALLING INSANE? LAST TIME I CHECKED, I WASN'T THE ONE WHO HEARD A VOICE ALL THE TIME THAT CONTROLLED MY LIFE! YOU'RE GOING TO PAY FOR CALLING ME INSANE!

"Naruto, please tell me you heard that?" Sasuke asked.

"Heard what?" Naruto asked, confused, "I didn't here anything."

"NOOOO! THERE IS NO WAY THAT I, OF ALL PEOPLE, AM INSANE!" Sasuke yelled.

Pooh Bear: You have a voice in the sky that controls every aspect of your life, therefore you are insane!

"Lalalalalala I can;t here you lalalalalalala," Sasuke said.

Pooh Bear: Argh, why can't you just accept the fact you're insane? Wait, I still have to punish you for calling me insane! Since I don't exist to you, then you won't care if I say this...

"LALALALALALA STILL CAN'T HEAR YOU LALALALALALALA!" Sasuke yelled louder while covering his ears.

Pooh Bear: Sasuke then left Naruto and walked into a freshly painted white wall.

Sasuke walked into the wall. Hard. When he got off the wall, the front of him was all white.

Pooh Bear: A can of white paint then fell on Sasuke.

Sasuke stood there as a can of white paint appeared out of nowhere and fell on Sasuke, completely covering him in white paint.

Pooh Bear: A gang of ghost hunters then came down the street and upon seeing Sasuke, chased after him for they thought he was a ghost.

As the narrator said, a gang of about 10 or 15 ghost hunters came onto the street. The leader yelled, "A GHOST! GET HIM!" They all ran after Sasuke with their weapons, and he ran away as fast as he could. One of the hunters threw a net at Sasuke. Sasuke was caught in the net and fell over on the ground.

"What should we do with him?" One of the hunters asked. "I know!" said another one, "Let's sacrifice him to the pumpkin gods!" The rest of the hunters yelled and hollered to show they approved. They all picked up Sasuke and took him to the place where they worshiped their pumpkin gods.

"NARRATOR PERSON HELP ME!" Sasuke yelled, but go no answer. The hunters then tied Sasuke up to a wooden pole and put a bunch of wood around the bottom of the pole. They then lit the wood on fire and soon Sasuke was trapped by ring of fire around him. The fire started getting closer and closer to him. The hunters jumped around Sasuke, yelling and chanting to the pumpkin gods.

"NARRATOR!!!!" Sasuke yelled, the fire now getting too close for comfort.

Pooh Bear: I thought you couldn't hear me and I didn't exist, hmm?

"FINE! I CAN HEAR YOU AND YOU DO EXIST! HAPPY?" Sasuke asked.

Pooh Bear: Yes. The Hunters then put the fire out, took Sasuke off the pole, and threw him in the river.

The hunters did as the narrator said and untied Sasuke and threw him in the river. The only river nearby, however, was at the bottom of a huge cliff. They threw him over the cliff, and Sasuke promised himself he would kill the hunters one day.

Pooh Bear: Ooh, that looks like a really long ways down. Hope you don't land on the jagged rocks at the bottom!

Sasuke luckily landed in the water, and all the white paint washed off of him.

Pooh Bear: Hmm... this is boring now that he's safe. OOOH! I KNOW! Sasuke surfaced from under the water and looked behind him to see a group of piranhas chasing him.

Sasuke looked behind him and found the group of piranhas chasing him. "DAMMIT!" he yelled as he began trying to swim away. He was too slow to escape them in the water, however, and got dragged down by the vicious beasts.

Pooh Bear: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Sasuke surfaced for a few seconds to yell out, "HELP ME NARRATOR PERSON!"

Pooh Bear: Well, I suppose you have been tortured enough for today. Sasuke then freed himself from the piranhas' grasps and got to shore.

Sasuke did indeed free himself and get to shore, all bloody and bruised from the day's events.

Pooh Bear: See what happens when you accept your insanity Sasuke? You don't get hurt! Remember, acceptance is the first step you need to take to help yourself!

"I'm not insane! Only one of these tips were right! What are the chances the other ones will be right, too?" Sasuke said.

Pooh Bear: Before this is all over you WILL realize you are insane!

"Hn," was all Sasuke replied before walking home to get a good night's sleep.

Pooh Bear: Just you wait. If you thought it was bad today, it's going to be hell tomorrow! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

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Yay! I finished the chapter! It made absolutely no sense, but I still finished it! Please review, even if it is a flame! Or, if you have an idea for a tip, please let me know! Thanks!

Pooh Bear Is My Hero


	3. Sasuke the Tomato God

1Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto!!!!

For the record, I don't hate Sasuke. I just couldn't think of someone better to put in this story.

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**Number Two**

**You Know You're Insane If You Think You Are A Mythical Tomato God**

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"HA! Guess I'm not insane since I know I am not a toma-," Sasuke was cut off by the narrator.

Pooh Bear: Itachi then appeared on top of Sasuke's house, holding a bowling ball. Sasuke stuck his head out the window to admire the beautiful day like he did every morning, but didn't notice Itachi above him. Itachi dropped the bowling ball on Sasuke's head.

Itachi appeared on Sasuke's roof and Sasuke stuck his head out the window. He looked up and started screaming as the bowling ball inched closer to his face until it finally collided with his face. Sasuke then fell out of the third story window and fell down to the ground below, hitting his head and getting knocked unconscious.

Pooh Bear: AHAHAHAHAHAHA! Man, I thought you'd get hurt, but I never thought you'd fall out the window and get knocked unconscious! What a great bonus HAHAHAHAHA!

Sasuke got up about a half hour later.

Pooh Bear: Well, look who's up! It took you long enough, didn't it?

Sasuke looked up into the sky, and asked, "Who are you? And, also, who am I?"

Pooh Bear: I am the narrator of your life! Remember, we went through this already?

"We did?" asked Sasuke with a confused look on his face. That was when the narrator realized that Sasuke had amnesia.

Pooh Bear: Yeah, I am the narrator of your life and you are Sasuke, the Tomato God.

"Tomato God?" Sasuke asked, confused.

Pooh Bear: Yes, you are the god of all things tomatoey.

"And what am I supposed to do as tomato god?" Sasuke asked.

Pooh Bear: Well, you know, you have to...PROTECT ALL OF YOUR TOMATOES!

"Oh, I see. And where are my tomatoes."

Pooh Bear: Umm... they are going to fall out of the sky right now!

And that is when thousands, no MILLIONS of tomatoes came down from the sky and bombarded Sasuke the tomato god. "AAAAAHHHHHH!" Sasuke screamed, "THE TOMATOES! THEY BURN!"

Pooh Bear: Tomatoes don't burn...what are you talking about?

Sasuke appeared from the mass of tomatoes. His skin was all red and puffy and the narrator had to do all she could to keep from laughing at how stupid he looked.

Pooh Bear: Wow, who knew you were allergic to tomatoes!

"I think I'll be fine," Sasuke said, "Who am I supposed to protect my tomatoes from?"

Pooh Bear: Umm... that guy on your roof.

Sasuke looked up and saw Itachi still sitting there, although he had no idea who he was since he had amnesia. "How do I protect my tomatoes?" Sasuke asked.

Pooh Bear: Well, he'll leave your tomatoes alone if you run around in circles screaming "I am Sasuke the Tomato God! Fear my and my tomato god powers or prepare to meet your tomatoey doom" at the top of your lungs.

"Okay, sounds easy enough," Sasuke said.

Pooh Bear: Itachi then decided to attack Sasuke's tomatoes.

After the narrator finished Itachi jumped down and prepared to take Sasuke's tomatoes. So, Sasuke started running in circles, screaming, "I AM SASUKE THE TOMATO GOD! FEAR ME AND MY TOMATO GOD POWERS OR PREPARE TO MEET YOUR TOMATOEY DOOM!" Itachi then collapsed on the ground laughing. In fact, he laughed so hard, he couldn;t breath and had to be taken to the hospital.

Pooh Bear: ...Well that was unexpected.

"Thanks for telling me how to protect me fellow tomatoes narrator!" Sasuke said after the ambulance was out of sight.

Pooh Bear: YOU AREN'T DONE YET! THAT GUY IS TRYING TO TRICK YOU SO YOU WILL LEAVE YOUR TOMATOES SO HE CAN ATTACK THEM! To protect them now you need to...ummm...EAT THEM ALL!

Sasuke the Tomato God looked at the millions of tomatoes in front of him. "All of them?" Sasuke asked nervously.

Pooh Bear: Every last one.

"If you say so, narrator person. I trust you." replied Sasuke as he began eating all of the tomatoes.

Pooh Bear: That's right, Sasuke, you can trust me because I am your friend!

Sasuke finished eating every last tomato about 12 hours later. Sasuke weighed about 700 pounds and could barely move. His skin was also redder and puffier than before.

Pooh Bear: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Your skin is even puffier and redder than before.

The narrator continued laughing. Sasuke tried to say something, but instead fell on the ground, gasping for air. The tomatoes he ate had swollen his throat so much that he could not breath. The narrator thought he was just playing around, se she laughed harder and did absolutely nothing to help him. So Sasuke laid on the ground gasping for breath, until a huge ambulance came to take Sasuke away to the hospital. The narrator continued laughing until he came back the next morning weighing the same as he did before he ate the tomatoes. His skin was still somewhat red and puffy.

Pooh Bear: What happened to you?

"The tomatoes betrayed me! They made their god fat and they closed up my throat!" Sasuke yelled, "The doctors sucked the fatness out of me with some weird machine." The narrator started laughing again. The narrator then decided it was time to turn Sasuke back to normal.

Pooh Bear: Itachi came back from the hospital and dropped another bowling ball on Sasuke's head, causing him to lose his amnesia.

As the narrator said, Itachi appeared and threw a bowling ball at Sasuke's head, and he lost his amnesia.

"WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHY IS MY SKIN ALL RED AND PUFFY?" Sasuke yelled at the narrator.

Pooh Bear: You fell out of a window and got amnesia and thought you were a tomato god and ate tomatoes and gained a few hundred pounds. It was freaking hilarious! AHAHAHAHAHA! And since you thought you were a tomato god that makes you crazy, because Number two on the list is "You Know You're Insane If You Think You're A Mythical Tomato God!" IN YOUR FACE!

"But I don't remember any of this! I need evidence before I believe any of it!" Sasuke said.

Pooh bear: And then a video of everything Sasuke did after he fell out of the window appeared in front of Sasuke so he could see everything was true.

And a video did appear in front of Sasuke right from when he fell out of the window all the way up to where he came back the next morning and lost his amnesia.

"...Okay, so TWO of the tips were right so far. Big deal." Sasuke said.

Pooh bear: I can't wait to see the next tip!

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Very random chapter again. Please review, or Sasuke will use his tomatoey powers to punish you!

Pooh Bear Is My Hero


	4. I Believe I Can Fly!

1Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If anyone has an idea for a tip that can be used in here, please let me know!

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**Number Three**

**You Know You're Insane If You Truly Think You Can Fly**

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Pooh Bear: Hmm...Sasuke hasn't heard this one yet so if I can trick him into believing he can fly, then I will have another reason why he's insane! Mwahahahaha!

"So, should we read the next tip or what? I just want to get this whole thing over with," Sasuke said, his rash from the tomatoes completely gone.

Pooh Bear: No, today you are going to learn how to fly!

"People can't fly moron," Sasuke replied.

Pooh Bear: YOU ARE GOING TO PAY FOR CALLING ME A MORON! Sasuke was then attacked by a pack of rabid bunnies who tried to rip his flesh off his bones.

Rabid bunnies surrounded Sasuke who looked around at them all. His last words were, "Oh shit," before he was mauled by the bunnies.

Pooh Bear: (humming)

"AAAAAHHHHHHHHH! NOT MY HAIR! ANYTHING BUT MY HAIR!" Sasuke screamed.

Pooh Bear: Well, I think you learned your lesson. The rabid bunnies all ran away to chase Neji instead, who happened to be walking by.

Neji appeared and upon seeing the bunnies, ran for his life. He tripped while running, however, and the rabid bunnies dragged him away.

Sasuke stood up and the narrator burst into laughter when she looked at him. He had a few bald patched on his head from where the bunnies tore off his hair. "I hate bunnies," he said without thinking. The bunnies heard this and let Neji go so they could chase Sasuke again. The narrator just began laughing harder as they tore the rest of Sasuke's hair off. "NOOO! MY BEAUTIFUL HAIR!" he screamed before collapsing on the ground.

Pooh Bear: Anyway, it is time for you to learn how to fly!

"I already told you, people cannot fly," Sasuke said, holding back tears over his precious hair.

Pooh Bear: Surely you must believe humans can fly!

"They can't fly!" Sasuke yelled, getting annoyed.

Pooh Bear: That is why we are not reading the next tip in the book today, so you can learn how to fly so you can become a believer as well!

"I DON'T WANT TO LEARN HW TO FLY!" Sasuke yelled, already picturing all the pain the narrator would put him through if he tried to learn how to fly.

Pooh Bear: Either learn how to fly or I'll call the bunnies back!

"Flying it is!" Sasuke said, getting up.

Pooh Bear: I knew you'd see it my way.

"Yeah, yeah, can we just get on with it?" Sasuke asked while feeling his now bald head to see if there was any hair at all left.

Pooh Bear: That is when Sasuke ran as fast as he could off of a huge cliff to see if he could fly.

"Wait, WHAT?" Sasuke asked as he proceeded to run as fast as he could off of a huge cliff.

Pooh Bear: sasuke then flapped his arms as fast as he could to stay in the air.

As much as Sasuke flapped, he continued downward, until a thud was heard a few seconds later.

Sasuke returned to the top of the cliff, bruised and battered from his last fall. "Okay, we discovered I can't fly. Are we done now?

Pooh Bear: NO! We are going to keep trying!

"Joy..." Sasuke replied sarcastically.

Pooh Bear: Sasuke then put springs on his feet and then jumped as high as he could off the cliff.

"AAAAHHHHH!" Sasuke yelled as he fell off the cliff yet again, and landed with a large thud a few seconds later.

Sasuke returned again, with more bruises this time and he was limping. "Can we please stop now?" Sasuke pleaded with the narrator.

Pooh Bear: NO! One more try! I'm sure we can do it this time. I just know we can if we believe in ourselves.

"Fine, one more try and if it doesn't work we stop and you leave me alone forever, okay?" Sasuke said.

Pooh Bear: Whatever! So, a HUGE palm tree appeared at the top of the cliff. Sasuke climbed up it and sat on the very top of it. All of the rabid bunnies than came and pulled the palm tree back, and when it was far enough down where they were sure Sasuke would go really high in the air, they let it go.

The palm tree did appear and Sasuke climbed on it. The bunnies then pulled the top of the palm tree down so the tree looked like an arch and when they thought they had it low enough, they released it and Sasuke was sent flying straight up at full speed over the cliff.

Pooh Bear: You're flying! I'M SO PROUD! It seems like just yesterday when you were running in circles threatening to destroy people with your tomatoey powers! They grow up so fast!

"That WAS just yesterday!" Sasuke said, remembering the video he had watched of him running around claiming to be a tomato god. Sasuke looked down, and saw that he was still going up into the sky. "Wow, it looks like I really am flying!" Sasuke said, amazed that people really could fly.

Pooh Bear: So now do you believe you can fly Sasuke?

"Yes," Sasuke mumbled.

Pooh Bear: DON'T BE SUCH A PARTY POOPER SASUKE! SHOUT IT TO THE WORLD! Shout, "I believe with all my heart I can FLY!" so the WORLD will know of your discovery!

"I believe...that...fly," Sasuke mumbled, but not all of it could be heard because he was talking so low.

Pooh Bear: Come on Sasuke! YOU MUST SHOUT IT LOUD AND CLEAR TO THE WORLD!

"FINE! I BELIEVE WITH ALL MY HEART I CAN FLY!" Sasuke said.

Pooh Bear: Do you really mean that?

"YES I REALLY MEAN IT! I'M FLYING RIGHT NOW, SEE?" Sasuke said. What he didn't know was that while he was trying to say he believed he could fly so everyone could here, he was slowly returning to earth until finally, he landed with a thud at the bottom of the cliff. He was never really flying at all, he was just catapulted extremely high into the air. When he reached the top, he asked, "What happened?"

Pooh Bear: I'll tell you what happened! We have just discovered you are insane! YAY!

"What the hell are you talking about?" Sasuke asked.

Pooh Bear: Tip Number Three: You Know You're Insane If You Truly Think You Can Fly. You announced to the whole world you believed with all your heart you can fly, so you are INSANE!

"WHERE'S THE DAMN BOOK?" Sasuke yelled, wanting to see for himself what the third tip was.

Pooh Bear: The book Sasuke was looking for landed on Sasuke's head.

Sasuke looked up to have the book land on his face. "OWW!" he yelped before grabbing the book off his face to read. He turned to the third tip and read it. When he finished, his face turned pale. "Dammit," he mumbled under his breath.

Pooh Bear: OH! That's 3 out of 3 so far! Whatcha gonna do now, huh?

"There's still 47 left, and I doubt all of them will apply to me!" Sasuke yelled back, before walking home. He knew he would need as much rest as he could get if he had to deal with that annoying narrator again tomorrow...

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Yay! Sasuke believes he can fly! Please review or I will send the rabid bunnies on you!

Pooh Bear Is My Hero


	5. Pooh and Friends Are Going to Kill Me!

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or Winnie the Pooh and his friends.

This chapter may not make as much sense in some parts if you know absolutely NOTHING about Winnie the Pooh and friends.

Also, I will refer to myself as Pooh Bear Is My Hero for this chapter so I do not confuse anyone.

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**Number Four**

**You Know You're Insane If You Think Winnie The Pooh Characters Are Trying To Kill You**

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Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Hmm...Since Sasuke is still asleep, I think it's time for me to call up a good friend.

(Ring ring ring)

"Hello?" asked a sleepy voice.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Pooh! How's life in the Hundred Acre Wood?

"Oh dear, it's only you Ashley!" Pooh said.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: No, Pooh. On here, my name is Pooh Bear Is My Hero, or just the narrator.

"OH dear, I'm your hero! Oh, lucky me! Thanks for chosing me to be your hero, Ashley." Pooh exclaimed.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: I told you, it's Pooh Bear Is My Hero or the narrator!

"Oh, sorry! Can you forgive me?" Pooh asked.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: I suppose, if you do a little favor for me.

"Of course, I'll do anything I can to help!" Pooh exclaimed.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: I need you and all your friends to come here to Konoha and attempt to kill Sasuke. Do you think you can do that for me?

"Sure! Sasuke is the one who's life you control, right?" Pooh asked.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Yes. Can you come right away?

"We'll be their by morning!" Pooh said.

Pooh Bear: Oh, and Pooh? Don't let Sasuke know that you know who I am.

"Okay! See you tomorrow!" Pooh said cheerfully before hanging up.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Mwahahahahaha! Sasuke won't have a clue what's coming!

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The Next Morning

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Pooh Bear Is My Hero: SASUKE! WAKE UP!

"WHAT THE HELL! IT'S SATURDAY AND IT'S 6 IN THE MORNING! I WANT TO SLEEP!" Sasuke yelled, pulling his blanket over his head.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: You're wasting the day away Sasuke! We still have to determine if you're insane! Get up!

"I already told you, IT'S 6 IN THE MORNING ON A SATURDAY! YOU'RE INSANE IF YOU THINK I'M GETTING UP!" Sasuke yelled from beneath his covers.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Oh, I KNOW you did not just call me insane! Let's see, how to punish you...Sasuke rolled out of bed only to discover he fell asleep on the roof. He rolled off the roof and landed in the bushes, where he was then attacked by an angry chipmunk for ruining his nest.

Sasuke's bed apeared on the roof and Sasuke rolled out of it and fell screaming into the bushes. Screams could then be heard from the bushes for a few minutes, until finally all was silent. Sasuke then rolled out of the bushes, all bloody and bruised with bite marks all over his still bald head.

"FINE! Let's just get these tips over with!" sasuke yelled in defeat.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: I knew you'd see it my way...

"Okay, where's the stupid bookOOOOWWWW!" Sasuke said, rubbing the back of his head, where he had gotten hit. He looked behind him to see the book at his feet, and then looked at the bushes to see a certain chipmunk with an evil grin on his face(if chipmunk's could grin evilly). Sasuke just groaned and picked up the book and turned it to tip number four.

"You know you're insane if you think Winnie the Pooh characters are trying to kill you...WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH ALL THESE RANDOM AS HELL TIPS? NONE OF THSE TIPS ACTUALLY EVER HAPPENS TO SOMEONE!" Sasuke yelled to no one in particular.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: in case you've forgotten, three of them have happened to you already.

"You know what? I DON'T WANT TO HEAR OT FROM YOU NARRATOR PERSON!" Sasuke yelled.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Oh, that's IT! Now you're really gonna get it! Sasuke's fangirls all appeared around Sasuke and they all proceeded to try glomp him, but instead ended up in a dogpile on top of him.

Sasuke's fangirls did indeed appear aorund him and all ran up to him to glomp him, and dogpiled him. "Get off me dammit!" Sasuke screamed at them, "You all are too fat! You're crushing me!"

The girls all gasped and got off Sasuke and glared at him. Sasuke, realizing what he just did, began running as fast as he could. He ended up on top of the cliff where he had attempted to learn to fly, and decided jumping off would be better than facing the girls. He ran at full speed off the cliff, but this time he jumped so far he was going to make it top the other side!

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Not if I have anything to say about it he won't! A bolt of lightning then struck Sasuke and he stopped moving, and proceeded to fall to the bottom of the cliff.

A bolt of lightning hit Sasuke and he stopped adead in his tracks in the air, until he began to plummit back to earth. "DAMMIT!" he yelled as he fell. The girls that were chasing him all cheered when Sasuke began falling to his doom.

Sasuke looked down and saw that he was going to land on the jagged rocks, which would surely kill him. '_So, this is how it ends,' _Sasuke thought, '_Having a voice that doesn't exist to anyone but myself shoot me with a lightning bolt over a cliff so I would fall and die.'_

Sasuke closed his eyes and waited for the impact of the rocks, but it never came. He found someone had caught him in a net. The people holding the net pulled Sasuke onto solid land and let him out of the net.

"Who are you?" Sasuke asked, not bothering to say thanks for saving my life, "And why did you save me?"

"Because," said the people from the shadows, "We want to kill you ourselves."

The people then revealed themselves from the shadows and Sasuke screamed in horror at who they were.

"POOH BEAR AND FRIENDS! NO! I AM NOT SEEING THIS! I AM NOT INSANE! I AM NOT!" Sasuke yelled.

"You better run s-s-s-s-sonny!" Gopher yelled with a pitchfork in hand. Sasuke just stood there, until Gopher came at him with the pitchfork. Sasuke jumped out of the way and ran for his life.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: So Pooh and friends split up and chased down Sasuke.

Sasuke continued running, until he made it back to town. He looked back to see if they followed him, and saw no one. He then fell on the ground, as he bumped into someone. He looked up and saw an orange creature with stripes that went by the name of Tigger. Tigger put his hand out and offered to help Sasuke up, but Sasuke refused, pushing his hand away.

"Hi! I'm Tigger! That's spelled T-I-double guh-DIE!" Tigger yelled, pulling out his shotgun and shooting at Sasuke. Tigger chased Sasuke back to that cliff, and then left him there. Sasuke sat down to catch his breath, when he saw a huge pile of sticks coming his way.

"AAAAHHHHH!" sasuke yelled and tried to run away, but it was too late. All of the sticks landed on Sasuke in a huge pile.

"Why are you in my area? I am building a house here!" a grey donkey known as Eeyore said as he came up to Sasuke. Eeyore proceeded to turn aorund and kick Sasuke with his hind legs off the cliff. Sasuke flew across the cliffand landed on a tree branch across the way. He looked down and saw a small pink pig known as Piglet standing beneath him.

"Oh, you're that Sasuke person I'm supposed to kill!" Piglet said quietly to Sasuke. Sasuke stared at the small creature. _'You must be kidding me,' _Sasuke thought as he got off the tree branch and stood in front of the small Piglet, '_This runt is supposed to kill me?'_

Piglet than rammed Sasuke into a tree and yelled, "NOW POOH!" up to the top of the tree. Sasuke looked up to see who Piglet was yelling at, only to have a huge, furry, yellow butt land on his face.

"Did I get him, Piglet?" Pooh asked, unaware he was sitting on the face of Sasuke.

"Yeah, Pooh, you're sitting on him right now!" Piglet squealed in delight.

"Oh, good, time for me to use my secret weapon!" Pooh said. Pooh then looked very serious and got a constipated look on his face. Then, he farted on Sasuke. Sasuke smelled the air around him and almost passed out from the scent.

"Okay Pooh, he should have passed out by now." Piglet said. Pooh got off of Sasuke and Sasuke quickly jumped up and ran away to escape the scent. Pooh and Piglet then began chasing after him.

Sasuke ran into town again. He looked behind him and saw all of Winnie the Pooh's friends, including Pooh, were now chasing him. "Dammit, now what do I do Narrator person?" Sasuke yelled.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Go into town and tell everyone that Pooh and his friends are chasing you and then they'll stop.

"But then the fourth tip in the book will be right about me and everyone in town will think I'm insane!" Sasuke protested.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Either have everyone think you're insane or don't live to see tomorrow. Take your pick.

"Fine, FINE!" sasuke yelled. He ran to the center of town with Pooh and friends behind him, and screamed, "SOMEONE HELP ME! WINNIE THE POOH AND HIS FRIENDS ARE TRYING TO KILL ME!"

Everyone stared at Sasuke like he had grown a second head. Many people began laughing at him, until finally they were all laughing at the still bald boy.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Good job Sasuke! That makes 4 out of 4 tips right! Yay!

Pooh Bear and his friends finally reached Sasuke. Pooh and Tigger both grabbed one of his hands, and Eeyore grabbed one of his feet and Piglet and Gopher grabbed his other foot. They all began pulling back, stretching Sasuke as far as they could. "NARRATOR! DO SOMETHING!" Sasuke yelled.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Fine...Pooh Bear and his friends dropped Sasuke and left to go back to the Hundred Acre Wood.

They all dropped Sasuke on the ground and ran away, back to the Hundred Acre Wood.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Haha, you're crazy Sasuke!

"Only 4 of them were right so far," Sasuke protested.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: We've only read 4 of the tips so far, though...

"You know what, I don't feel like listening to you anymore, so I'm going to bed for the night. Sasuke walked to his house and before going to bed, put some hair growth formula on his head.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: I can't wait to see tomorrow's tip!

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**Preview Of Next Chapter**

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_"Who gave all of you authorization to have a street party?" the officer asked the partygoers._

_"I DID!" Sasuke yelled, walking up to the police officer._

_"Oh? And who are you to give authorization to have a street party?" the officer asked Sasuke._

_"Why, I'm Aaron Carter!" Sasuke replied._

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Yay! Another very random chapter finished, and this time you got a preview of the next chapter as well! Yay! Please review! Also, if anyone has any ideas for a tip, please let me know!

Pooh Bear Is My Hero


	6. Sasuke's Party

1Disclaimer: I do not own the show Naruto, Aaron Carter, or the song Aaron's Party by Aaron Carter.

Thanks to those who are reviewing! I'm glad you like it!

Going back to referring to myself as Pooh Bear again since Winnie the Pooh is not in this chapter! I know how upset Sasuke must be that Winnie the Pooh won't be joining us...

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**Number Five**

**You Know You're Insane If You Believe You Are Aaron Carter When You Obviously Are Not**

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"AAAHHHHH! WHO THE HELL COMES UP WITH ALL THESE RANDOM TIPS?!?!" Sasuke yelled.

Pooh Bear: Who knows. Hey, do you mind if I call you AC since you're Aaron Carter?

"I am NOT Aaron Carter!" Sasuke yelled.

Pooh Bear: Yes you are! People who are insane think they're Aaron Carter and since you're insane...

"I'M NOT INSANE!" Sasuke protested while pointing a finger at the sky.

Pooh Bear: WahtevWOAH! SOME OF YOUR HAIR GREW BACK!

"Really?" Sasuke asked, putting his hands on his head to see if hair was there. "YES! I'M NOT BALD!" Sasuke yelled near tears since he was so happy he had hair again.

Pooh Bear: You know, your new hairstyle looks a lot like Aaron Carter's...

"AAAHHHHH! STOP TRYING TO CONVINCE ME I'M AARON CARTER YOU STUPID NARRATOR!" Sasuke yelled, quickly covering his hands over his mouth after he realized what he said. But it was no use, the narrator already heard.

Pooh Bear: A bear then jumped in Sasuke's window and wrestled with Sasuke.

As the narrator said, a bear crashed through Sasuke's window and wrestled Sasuke to the ground. As Sasuke started to fight back, a forest ranger crashed through Sasuke's other window.

"SIR! REMAIN CALM!" The ranger told Sasuke as the bear continued to attack Sasuke, "There is no need for you to attack that harmless bear," the ranger finished.

"HARMLESS? IT'S RIPPING MY FLESH TO SHREDS!" Sasuke countered back.

"Sir, I am going to have to ask you to step away from the bear." the ranger said, ignoring Sasuke's last comment.

"Gee, I would, but there's a slight problem. I'VE BEEN PINNED TO THE FLOOR BY THIS SO CALLED HARMLESS BEAR!" Sasuke yelled.

"Sir, you are going to make me do something I really don't want to do." the ranger told Sasuke. His only reply were screams as the bear continued attacking Sasuke. The ranger pulled out a stunner and shot it at Sasuke. Sasuke then began screaming louder as shocks of electrical currents went into his body. Finally, the ranger stopped and put his stunner away. "My work here is done," he said as he looked at Sasuke who was now silent and motionless. The ranger then proceeded to jump out the window and returned from whence he came. The bear bit Sasuke a few more times before throwing Sasuke out the window. Sasuke landed on the ground with a thud and about 15 minutes after landing, he was able to move again. The bear had left back to the forest right after he threw Sasuke out the window. Sasuke was now very bloody and bruised.

Pooh Bear: Eww, what happened to you?

"Because of you, I got attacked by a bear. Then, a forest ranger came in and thought I was ATTACKING the bear and shot electricity through me with his stunner and then the bear threw me out the window so now I am going to take a shower and clean myself off." Sasuke said, walking into his house.

Pooh Bear: Hmm... how can I get him to realize he's Aaron Carter. Oh, I know! Sasuke's shampoo was replaced with-

The narrator could no longer be heard because Sasuke had started the water in the shower, but Sasuke's shampoo was replaced with something anyway.

Pooh Bear: Now, to send the invitations.

The narrator listed names of all the people who should have invitations sent to them and then ordered that the invitations be sent. After she finished, a loud scream was heard from inside Sasuke's house. Sasuke stuck his head out the window and glared angrily up at the sky.

Pooh Bear: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

"So, I take it this was your idea to do THIS to my HAIR!" Sasuke said while motioning to his hair.

Pooh Bear: YES! AHAHAHAHA! Do you like it?

"NO! I LOOK LIKE AARON CARTER!" Sasuke said while looking in his bathroom mirror at his now blonde hair.

Pooh Bear: HA! YOU JUST SAID YOU WERE AARON CARTER! YOU'RE INSANE!

"I didn't say I WAS Aaron Carter, I said I LOOKED like him!" Sasuke yelled as he walked out in the street now that he was dressed. When he got outside he noticed someone from town snicker at him, most likely his now hair color and style, he thought. "Keep it moving!" Sasuke yelled to the man.

Pooh Bear: Calm down AC.

"FOR THE LAST TIME, I AM NOT AARON CARTER!" Sasuke yelled.

Pooh Bear: Fine, fine...

"Great, how am I supposed to get Itachi to take me seriously looking like THIS!" Sasuke said to himself.

Pooh Bear: I KNOW! You can throw a street party!

"How will that help me?" Sasuke asked.

Pooh Bear: Because Itachi is throwing a street party on the other side of Konoha so if yours is better, you will prove you're superior to him!

"Hmm...that's not actually a bad idea. Actually, it's the best idea I've ever heard from you!" Sasuke said.

Pooh Bear: I don't have good ideas often, but when I do, they are really good!

"I'll have to get music and get authorization and get the road blocked off and send invitations," Sasuke said, thinking out loud.

Pooh Bear: It's all done! I sent invitations and everything while you were taking your shower!

"How did you know I'd agree?" Sasuke asked suspiciously.

Pooh Bear: Oh...hehe...just a hunch.

"Okay. It's about 7pm now. What time does it start?" Sasuke asked.

Pooh Bear: 8:00

"Okay, so I'll have to block the roads off and bring out the cd player and everything," Sasuke said before going in his house to get everything.

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1 hour later

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"Wow, how many people did you invite?" Sasuke asked, looking at the crowded street.

Pooh Bear: almost everyone in Konoha and some people from the Sand Village...

"AARON! Nice party!" yelled a certain blonde haired ninja known as Naruto to Sasuke.

"I AM NOT AARON CARTER!" Sasuke yelled, "I'M SASUKE!"

"Woah, Sasuke? What happened to you? You look like Aaron Carter! Hahahaha!!!" Naruto said as he fell on the ground laughing.

"NARUTO! Don't laugh at Aaron!" Sakura yelled.

"Yeah Naruto," Ino said as she came over to join Sakura, Naruto, and "Aaron", "You can't laugh at Aaron Carter! He's famous!"

Sasuke was going to tell Sakura and Ino that he wasn't Aaron, but then they would just glomp him, so he decided against it. Naruto was going to tell them as well, but he went into a coma from loss of oxygen because he was laughing too hard. Someone came up and stuffed him in a trash can so he wasn't in the way.

Sasuke walked around the street to get away from Sakura and Ino. He started to get very angry as everyone was calling him Aaron Carter. He told them he was Sasuke, but they just laughed at him and said, "Good one Aaron."

Sasuke noticed that the rest of the Rookie Nine had come, as well as Team Gai and the Sand Siblings along with many, many other people. He found Hinata and Kiba dancing and saw Shino standing by he food while Chouji ate everything in sight. Ino had begun fighting with Temari over Shikamaru, who sat there talking about what a drag the party was and how troublesome it was he had come. Naruto was still in the trash can, which was now rolling off the street and into the lake. Sakura was looking for Sasuke, and he avoided her at all costs. Neji stood on the side, brooding, while Lee and Tenten danced together in the street. Gaara threatened to kill every person that walked by him, and Kankuro was trying to stop his brother from killing everyone in sight. Sasuke was about to get something to eat, when the narrator started talking to him.

Pooh Bear: Sasuke, I know what will make this party a lot of fun!

"Oh yeah, what?" Sasuke asked in a bored tone.

Pooh Bear: KARAOKE!

"Karaoke?" Sasuke yelled into the sky. He got a huge cheer from all the people around him. Apparently, they wanted to do karaoke. Sasuke didn't really care one way or the other, until someone yelled out, "YOU SING FIRST AARON!"

Sasuke really didn't want to sing. "No, I'm not Aaron carter!" Sasuke protested.

"Come on, don't be shy Aaron!" someone yelled. "Yeah, we'll still love you even if you mess up!" yelled another person as they pushed him in the middle of everyone as they made a large circle around him. They gave him a microphone and then, Sasuke realized something. "We don't have any karaoke CDs!" he yelled.

Pooh Bear: An Aaron Carter karaoke cd started playing in the cd player.

And as the narrator said, the Aaron Carter karaoke cd started playing Aaron's Party by, who else, Aaron Carter! So, defeated, Sasuke said, "Well, I guess it wouldn't kill me to sing one Aaron Carter song. After all, I know all his songs by heart since I own his entire cd collection."

Pooh Bear: Well...wasn't expecting him to say that. Now I'm a little...creeped out. Who would have thought that someone like you, Sasuke, would like Aaron Carter.

Sasuke ignored the narrator and started singing.

"_Here's a little bit of old school for ya, that goes a little something like this," _Sasuke began. The crowd of people all began cheering and yelling.

"I always try to be the flyest kid on the block! The popular one, with the rising stock. So that's when I had this bright idea." Sasuke continued.

"Throw the party of the month?" the crowd asked him.

"No, the party of the year!" Sasuke answered, "All the fine girls couldn't turn it down, now all I gotta do is get my parents out! Should I send them to a movie?"

"NAH! Send them to a show!" The crowd answered Sasuke a.k.a. Aaron.

"Let me think," Sasuke continued while putting his hand on his chin to look like he was thinking, "Hmmm, it's gotta be long though. I said Mom, Dad, why ya sittin at home? It's a Friday night, have you seen Aunt Joan? And don't worry about stayin' out too long. Don't fuss over me, I'll be fine alone."

Sasuke waited a few seconds before continuing, "Have a good time! The doorbell rings cuz the party's here! I'm crankin' up the stereo like it's New Year's. Walkin' 'round the house like who's Da Man."

All the girls yelled out, "Nobody can do it like Aaron can."

"First on the floor!" sasuke continued, "You know that's me! Bustin' out the moves like it's MTV. I'm guessin' where I'm goin' cuz I lost my head, then I jumped on the table, this is what I said."

"PEOPLE ALL AROUND YOU GOTTA!" Sasuke yelled.

"COME GET IT!" everyone yelled back.

"Everyone together, SING IT LOUD!" Sasuke yelled again.

"COME GET IT!" they replied again.

"Jump all around, COME ON!" Sasuke sang.

"COME GET IT!"

"What?"

"COME GET IT!"

"Say it again!"

"COME GET IT!"

"PEOPLE ALL AROUND YOU GOTTA!" Sasuke yelled again.

"COME GET IT!"

"To the left, to the right, MAKE NOISE!"

"COME GET IT!"

"Here we go now, come on! Uh, uh, what, WHAT?" Sasuke continued.

"NA NA NA NA! NA NA NA NA NA! NA NA NA NA NA! HEY HEY HEY HEY!" The crowd yelled.

"Things are goin' great, then to my surprise, some people walked in I didn't recognize! I said fellas, yo, ya gotta get out!" Sasuke sang.

"HEY MAN, I HEARD THIS WAS AN OPEN HOUSE!" the crowd screamed.

"Open house?" Sasuke asked.

"YEAH THAT'S WHAT THE FLYERS SAID!" the crowd yelled again.

"I didn't put out flyers!" Sasuke sang.

"WELL SOMEBODY DID!" the crowd answered back.

"Then walked in the girl I'm crushin' and the kid spilt juice on my mom's new cushion! I turned around and another kid broke the lamp." Sasuke continued singing.

"I HOPE THEY WEREN'T EXPENSIVE!" The crowd yelled.

"They got them from France!" Sasuke sang, "For now I won't sweat it, I'll clean it up later. There's a honey over there and I really wanna meet her."

"PEOPLE ALL AROUND YOU GOTTA!"

"COME GET IT!"

"Everyone together, SING IT LOUD!"

"COME GET IT!"

"Jump all around, COME ON!"

"COME GET IT!"

"What?"

"COME GET IT!"

"Say it again, here we go uh!"

"COME GET IT!"

"PEOPLE ALL AROUND YOU GOTTA!"

"COME GET IT!"

"To the left, to the right, MAKE NOISE!"

"COME GET IT!"

"Here we go now, come on! Uh, uh, what, WHAT?"

The crowd yelled "NA NA NA NA" over and over in the background as Sasuke sang, "Aaron C's in the house, here we go, Come with it! Yeah! Break it down."

Sasuke then began break dancing in the street as the crowd cheered, "GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO!" When he finished, Sasuke got up and started singing again, "Is that a car door? Oh dang, I'm in trouble! Everybody get out now, ON THE DOUBLE! I'm dead...,"

"YOU'RE DONE!" the crowd screamed.

"That's it for me!" Sasuke continued singing, "I'm gonna be picked off my family tree! Once mom finds out 'bout this party I had, I don't even wanna start thinkin' about dad! I'm hustlin''round the house tryin' to clean up the mess! Sure put my new white Nikes to the test! The car door slammed and they're walking up the steps! I guess life is good, with ten seconds left."

Sasuke paused for a moment and then the crowd screamed at the top of their lungs, "AARON!!!!!!!!"

"Grounded!" Sasuke said with a smirk.

"PEOPLE ALL AROUND YOU GOTTA!"

"COME GET IT!"

"Everyone together, SING IT LOUD!"

"COME GET IT!"

"Jump all around, COME ON!"

"COME GET IT!"

"What?"

"COME GET IT!"

"Say it again, here we go uh!"

"COME GET IT!"

"PEOPLE ALL AROUND YOU GOTTA!"

"COME GET IT!"

"To the left, to the right, MAKE NOISE!"

"COME GET IT!"

"Here we go now, come on! Uh, uh, what, WHAT?"

The crowd began singing, "NA NA NA NA NA NA," over and over again until the music ended, and then they all cheered for "Aaron".

At that point, a cop walked up to where Sasuke was in the middle of the circle of people.

"Who gave all of you authorization to have a street party?" the officer asked the partygoers.

"I DID!" Sasuke yelled, walking up to the police officer.

"Oh? And who are you to give authorization to have a street party?" the officer asked Sasuke.

"Why, I'm Aaron Carter!" Sasuke replied.

"Oh really?" Asked the police officer, not believing a word of what Sasuke said.

"Yes really!" Sasuke replied.

"I thought Aaron Carter had BLONDE hair." the police officer replied with a smirk on his face.

"In case you didn't notice, I have blonde hair!" Sasuke said annoyed.

"Then why are the roots of your hair BLACK?" the officer asked.

Sasuke ran over to a car and looked in the side mirror to see that his roots had, indeed, grown in already and they were black. "Wow, that hair growth formula works good!" Sasuke exclaimed.

"ALRIGHT EVERYBODY OUT!" The officer yelled. Everyone left and the street became totally empty. The police officer walked over to Sasuke who was still looking at himself in the mirror and said, "I believe this goes to you, Aaron." The police officer handed Sasuke a piece of paper and left. Sasuke looked at the paper and almost passed out.

"$2000 FOR HOSTING A STREET PARTY!" he yelled. "I thought you got authorization narrator thing!"

Pooh Bear: You've been around me long enough to know that you should believe absolutely nothing I say!

"AARRRGGGHHH! Great, how am I supposed to pay for this?" Sasuke exclaimed.

Pooh Bear: Prostitute yourself?

"No," was all Sasuke had to say to that idea.

Pooh Bear: Then I've got nothing.

"Ugh...just great." Sasuke said to himself as he walked to his house.

Pooh Bear: WAIT! I STILL HAVE TO MAKE FUN OF YOU FOR BEING INSANE BECAUSE YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE AARON CARTER! THAT'S FIVE OUT OF FIVE NOW, YOU KNOW!

"I know! I just want to go to bed and try to forget this ever happened, so goodnight," Sasuke said before disappearing into his house.

Pooh Bear: GOODNIGHT AARON CARTER!

"AAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!" SAsuke yelled from in his house in reply to the narrator's comment before he went to sleep.

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Preview for next chapter

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"_Come with me on the rainbow of happiness to my pot of gold!" Shammy yelled._

"_I don't want to go on the rainbow of happiness!" Sasuke protested. Shammy didn't listen and instead picked up Sasuke and threw him across the rainbow. Sasuke landed head first in a pot of gold. He tried to get out but realized something as he tried to pull the pot off of his head._

"_AAAAHHHHHH! MY HEAD'S STUCK IN THIS POT !"_

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Yay! My longest chapter yet! I'm so happy! Next chapter may be up later on tonight, or tomorrow. Definitely before the weekend is over, though. Hope you've enjoyed reading so far! And sorry if there's spelling mistakes, sometimes my computer misses some stuff and when I proofread it I miss some things too.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero


	7. Leprechauns Are Stalking Me!

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto!!!!!

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**Number Six**

**You Know You're Insane If You Think Leprechauns Are Stalking You**

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"WHAT THE HELL? Who seriously thinks that leprechauns are stalking them?" Sasuke asked to no one in particular.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Apparently you, since you're insane...

"I am NOT insane!" Sasuke yelled back.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Whatever you say, Aaron.

"AAARRRGGGGHHHH!" Sasuke yelled to the narrator.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Don't be so loud, Sasuke! You'll scare the leprechauns away!

"There are no such things as leprechaAAAAHHHH!" Sasuke yelled before finishing his sentence. He was staring at a little short person, maybe a foot tall, who was dressed in green and standing on top of his head.

"Hello there, laddy! I'm Shammy! Nice to meet ya!" The small man in green said.

"WHY ARE YOU ON MY HEAD?" Sasuke yelled, shaking his head to get Shammy off.

"Because you are our savior!" Shammy yelled, jumping off Sasuke's head and onto the ground. Sasuke looked down at him, and said, "Savior of who?"

"Why, of the LEPRECHAUNS OF COURSE!" Shammy yelled as if it were obvious.

"NO! LEPRECHAUNS DO NOT EXIST!" Sasuke yelled back.

"If they didn't exist, how would I be here?" Shammy asked with a smirk on his face.

"You're not here! You are just a figment of my imagination!" Sasuke said to the short man.

"If I'm not real, then how could you feel this?" Shammy asked as he proceeded to kick Sasuke hard in the shin.

"OWWW!" Sasuke yelped in pain.

"Now, come with me Sasuke!"

"Where?" Sasuke asked hesitantly.

"Come with me on the rainbow of happiness to my pot of gold!" Shammy yelled.

"I don't want to go on the rainbow of happiness!" Sasuke protested. Shammy didn't listen and instead picked up Sasuke and threw him across the rainbow. Sasuke landed head first in a pot of gold. He tried to get out but realized something as he tried to pull the pot off of his head.

"AAAAHHHHHH! MY HEAD'S STUCK IN THIS POT !"

"Don't worry Sasuke! I'll save you!" Shammy yelled.

"NO! Get away from me! You don't exist, remember?" Sasuke yelled.

"NO! I wish to help you! You are our savior!" Shammy yelled. He tried to help Sasuke but instead pushed him into the river nearby The pot floated in the river with Sasuke's head still stuck in it. Sasuke tried to pull his head out as he floated upside-down down the river, not realizing he was coming to a waterfall. Sasuke fell down the waterfall with the pot still on his head, not aware of what was happening. Then, Shammy swung down from the vines and saved Sasuke. However, in the process, Shammy pushed Sasuke into a tree, cracking open the pot of gold stuck on his head.

"Are you okay savior Sasuke?" Shammy asked, coming closer to Sasuke.

"Get away from me!" Sasuke yelled, getting up and backing away from Sasuke. Sasuke turned around to run away but he wasn't looking where he was going and knocked his head on a tree branch and got knocked unconscious.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: AHAHAHAHA! I didn't even have to say anything to make you do that! AHAHAHA! Shows how stupid you are, knocking yourself unconscious!

"DO NOT WORRY SAVIOR SASUKE! I WILL HELP YOU!" Shammy yelled as he pulled Sasuke by his feet through the forest.

When Sasuke finally awoke, he saw many leprechauns sorrounding him. He got up and all of the leprechauns cheered. "YAY! THE SAVIOR IS ALIVE!" Shammy screamed as he walked up to Sasuke and threw four leaf clovers on him.

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?" Sasuke demanded of Shammy.

"We are celebrating the savior's greatness!" Shammy replied.

"I am not the savior!" Sasuke yelled.

"Yes you are! And since you are, we must acrifice you to the volcano gods so they won;t make their volcanos erupt and destroy all of our four leaf clovers!" Shammy said while all the leprechauns yelled in approval of scarifcicing Sasuke to the volcano gods.

"How are you supposed to sacrifice me?" Sasuke asked nervously, not wanting to be tied to a post again from when he was sacrificed to the pumpkin gods.

"Oh, we're just going to throw you in a volcano." Shammy replied nonchalantly.

"Oh, okaWHAAAT?" Sasuke yelled, finally realizing what Shammy just said.

"Yes, that is how we sacrifice you! We throw you into the volcano where the volcano gods live! TIE HIM UP!" Shammy yelled. The other leprechauns began moving in on Sasuke with ropes made of four leaf clovers. Sasuke turned and began to run.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: I haven't done anything to you in this chapter yet, so I'm going to do something now! Sasuke tripped on a rock and fell into a lake full of electric eels, who electricuted him to a crisp!

As the narrator said, Sasuke did indeed fall into a lake of electric eels and screamed as he was electicuted. The leprechauns pulled Sasuke out of the water and tied him up in their four leaf clover rope. They caried him to the top of the volcano while chanting strange things as they walked up there.

When they reached the top, Shammy yelled, "INTO THE VOLCANO WITH HIM!" The other leprechauns all cheered as they untied Sasuke so they could throw him in. Sasuke took this as a chance to run away, and the leprechauns all chased him. Sasuke ran to his house and closed the door and locked it to keep them all out. "THAT was close." Sasuke said to himself. He turned around and saw Shammy standing there on the table.

"Come with us Sasuke! We must sacrifice you to the volcano god, you are the Savior!" Shammy said.

"STAY AWAY FROM ME!" Sasuke yelled turning aorund and running. However, he forgot to open the door se he ran straight into the door and fell down. He got up and decided to jump out the window instead to escape Shammy. When he collided with the ground he got up and ran towards town. There, he looked for help to stop the manic leprechauns. The only person he could find, though, was a certain boy in green spandex.

"LEE! You need to help me!" Sasuke yelled to the boy.

"Sorry Sasuke, I cannot help you on this youthful day. I am going to meet Tenten to help her with her shopping today!" Lee replied with a smile on his face. Sasuke knew that Lee liked Tenten, but he decided that Lee would have to deal without Tenten for a while so he could help Sasuke get rid of the leprechauns.

"I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE MEETING TENTEN!" Sasuke yelled at Lee, "YOU ARE GOING TO HELP ME NOW OR I'LL THROW YOU OFF A CLIFF!"

"Fine, fine! I shall help you, but only for a little while! I don't want to make Tenten wait for me!" Lee replied, giving in to Sasuke's demand, "What do I have to do?"

"Get rid of the leprechauns!" Sasuke yelled. Lee looked around, and then asked, "What leprechauns?"

"THE ONES BEHIND ME!" Sasuke yelled. Lee looked behind Sasuke and saw nothing. "I don't see any leprechauns Sasuke."

"AAAHHHHHH! THEY'RE GOING TO SACRIFICE ME TO VOLCANO GODS IF YOU DON'T HELP ME GET RID OF THEM NOW!" Sasuke yelled to Lee.

"Okay, I think you need to see a therapist. I KNOW! Gai-sensei has now become a part time therapist! I shall set up sessions with him for you!" Lee said exuberantly.

"NO! I DON'T NEED THERAPY, ESPECIALLY WITH GAI! I JUST NEED YOU TO HELP ME GET RID OF THE LEPRECHAUNS! THEY'RE STALKING ME!" Sasuke screamed. Lee just ran as far away from Sasuke as he could. Sasuke just stood there, trying to figure out where Lee went.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: HA! You're Insane! That's 6 out of 6! YAY!

"What the hell are you talking about?" Sasuke asked.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Number six in the book is you know you are crazy if you think leprechauns are stalking you, and you just admitted that you thought they were stalking you!

"BUT THEY WERE!" Sasuke protested, "Look for yourself!"

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: I don't see anything...

Sasuke looked behind him and ran through town, trying to find the leprechauns until realizing that they had indeed left. "Damn it, I hate these tips in this book," Sasuke said.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Really? I find them quite enjoyable, because they always make your life miserable! Hey, isn't that your sensei thing?

Sasuke looked behind him to find his sensei, Kakashi, standing behind him.

"Lee told me that you were insane because you were ranting on about leprechauns stalking you, so I've set up therapy sessions for you with Gai, starting tomorrow," Kakashi said before walking off. Sasuke just stood there, processing what just happened in his head.

"DAMN IT! Now I have to go to therapy with a guy who is probably the craziest person in Konoha! That will make things even worse, not make them better!" Sasuke yelled.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Ha ha! I get to torture you while you're in therapy tomorrow! Yay!

"Oh, god, what have I gotten myself into?"

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Preview For Next Chapter

_"JOIN ME SASUKE! BE ONE WITH YOUR YOUTHFUL SELF!" Gai exclaimed exuberantly._

_"NO! I REFUSE TO SQUARE DANCE WITH YOU!" Sasuke yelled to Gai._

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Short chapter, but at least I got it done! Not my best one, but more of a way to set up the story for the next chapter. Sorry I got it up later than I said! I didn't realize I had a lot to do Sunday and Monday and Tuesday! Next one will be up soon!

Pooh Bear Is My Hero


	8. Pizza, Sledge Hammers, and Dancing

1Disclaimer: I think we all know by now that I do not own Naruto.

Thanks to those that are reviewing! I'm glad you have enjoyed the story!

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**Number Seven**

**You Know You Are Insane If Even Your Therapist Thinks You Are Insane**

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"How can my therapist think I'm insane? HE'S INSANE HIMSELF!" Sasuke yelled to the narrator.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Sasuke, I really do not believe you are in any position to accuse anyone of being insane, considering you are insane...

"I'm not insane!" Sasuke protested. Sasuke then looked behind him and saw Kakashi standing there.

"Come on Sasuke, I need to take you to therapy," he told Sasuke calmly.

"I don't need therapy," Sasuke replied, turning away from his sensei.

"You just were yelling at no one for no apparent reason, and yesterday you were rambling on about leprechauns stalking you. You are going to see the therapist, Gai, no matter how much you think you don't need to," Kakashi replied, grabbing his student and dragging him to Gai's office.

Kakashi pushed Sasuke into Gai's office against Sasuke's will. Kakashi closed the door behind him so Sasuke couldn't escape. Sasuke saw that all there was in the room was a large desk with a red button on it, a file cabinet, and a couch. '_Maybe Gai isn't going to show up,' _Sasuke thought.

Just then, the door swung open, and Gai came in yelling, "HELLO YOUTHFULLY INSANE SASUKE! HOW ARE YOU ON THIS LOVELY YOUTHFUL DAY?" Sasuke's eye started to twitch as he stared at Gai as he closed the door and sat behind the desk. '_It's going to be a long day,' _he thought to himself.

"Come, sit on this youthful couch! It is youthful because it is GREEN! Which is our first lesson today. We will make you less insane by making you YOUTHFUL!!!!!" Gai exclaimed as Sasuke took a seat in the couch.

"Hn," was all Sasuke gave as a reply.

"To make yourself less youthful, you must yell to the world that you are a youthful pizza!" Gai explained to Sasuke.

"How the hell will that make me more youthful?" Sasuke asked in a bored tone.

"Because, PIZZAS ARE YOUTHFUL! Therefore, if you yell 'I am a youthful pizza' you will feel more youthful!" Gai exclaimed happily.

"NO!" Sasuke yelled.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Say it or I will kill you!

Sasuke thought about his options. '_Hmm... yell I am a youthful pizza or die and leave this nightmare I'm living...' _he thought until he finally made his decision.

"Okay, you can kill me now," Sasuke said, waiting for the narrator to kill him.

"Who are you talking to?" Gai asked Sasuke.

"Shut up, I'm talking to the voice that controls my life that no one but me can hear," Sasuke said to Gai.

"Okay..." Gai replied.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: NO! You can't die, because then we won't be able to finish all of the other tips!

"Exactly," Sasuke replied, "If you kill me I won't have to go through any of this anymore.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Never mind what I said about killing you. I'll just torture you until you say it, because if you die then the story would end! If you don't say you are a youthful pizza, I will send the fan girls that you called fat after you!

After hearing that, Sasuke began yelling, "I AM A YOUTHFUL PIZZA! I AM A YOUTHFUL PIZZA! I AM A YOUTHFUL PIZZA!"

"YES SASUKE! YOU ARE A YOUTHFUL PIZZA! BE THE BEST YOUTHFUL PIZZA YOU CAN BE!" Gai yelled with tears in his eyes. He was happy that Sasuke had finally found his youthfulness.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: AHAHAHAHAHAHA! I NEED TO GET THIS ON VIDEO!

Sasuke continued yelling until Gai finally said, "Okay, now we need to give you a YOUTHFUL look!" Gai went into his filing cabinet and got out a pair of scissors and green spandex. He turned around and faced Sasuke with the stuff, and Sasuke's eyes went wide. "We will give you youthful green spandex and a haircut, just like I did with Lee!"

"STAY AWAY FROM ME!" Sasuke yelled, running to the door and trying to open it. It was locked, though, and Sasuke didn't have a key to open it.

"But Sasuke, Lee has enjoyed it so much and it had worked wonders for him! You should have seen him before I transformed him so he could be youthful!" Gai exclaimed.

"I HAVE seen Lee before you gave him spandex and a bowl haircut, and he was actually NORMAL! He was one of the few people I could stand to be around!" Sasuke yelled at gai, still trying to open the door.

"But Lee is even better now, and you will be better to once I am done!" Gai said as he moved closer to Sasuke.

"RESTRAINING ORDER! I NEED A RESTRAINING ORDER!" Sasuke yelled. Gai laughed and said, "Do not worry Sasuke! I will not file a restraining order against you!"

"AAAAHHHHHHH!" Sasuke yelled as he began ripping the door down, until he finally ripped it off the hinges. Sasuke was about to run outside when gai pushed a red button on his desk. A red alarm went off inside the room and the doorway was blocked by a new metal door which Sasuke could not get through or break.

"LET ME OUT!" Sasuke yelled, but no one heard him. Gai then snuck up behind Sasuke and pushed him back down and the couch and began cutting his hair.

"GET AWAY!" SAsuke yelled, trying to push Gai away. Gai then decided that it would be easier if Sasuke couldn't move, so he went back to the filing cabinet and got some rope and tied Sasuke up. He then began cutting Sasuke's hair again.

"NO! IT JUST GREW BACK!" Sasuke yelled near tears.

"DO NOT WORRY SASUKE! YOU WILL LOVE THE NEW LOOK, AND THE LADIES WILL LOVE IT TOO!" Gai exclaimed.

Finally Gai finished and untied Sasuke. He handed Sasuke a mirror and asked, "You see? I told you there was nothing to worry about!" Sasuke started screaming because he now had a bowl haircut. "MY HAIR! MY BEAUTIFUL RAVEN LOCKS OF HAIR! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE? NOW THEY ARE UNHAPPY!" Sasuke yelled as he held back tears.

"You hair may be unhappy, but now your hair is YOUTHFUL!" Gai exclaimed, "Now, you'll have to put this spandex on."

"NO!" Sasuke yelled.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Angry fangirls...

"GIVE ME THE SPANDEX!" Sasuke exclaimed as he grabbed it and put it on.

"NOW YOU ARE YOUTHFUL!" Gai exclaimed.

"I LOOK LIKE YOU!" Sasuke yelled.

"EXACTLY!" Gai exclaimed as he crushed Sasuke in a hug.

"But you're not youthful! You're too old to be youthful!" Sasuke yelled as he was released from his hug.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: I can't wait to see what Gai does to you, Sasuke!

"I AM YOUTHFUL!" Gai exclaimed as he got a sledge hammer out of his filing cabinet. Sasuke went wide eyed as he saw Gai was about to crush him with the sledge hammer.

"YOU WILL PAY FOR CALLING ME OLD AND NOT YOUTHFUL!" Gai yelled as he ran toward Sasuke and swung at him. Sasuke ducked out of the way and went behind Gai's desk.

"Gai, lets talk this out rationally and calmly," Sasuke said.

"AAAAHHHHHH!" Gai yelled as he lifted the sledge hammer over his head and brought it down on the desk, breaking it in half. Sasuke continued running as Gai continued trying to hit him, until everything but the filing cabinet was broken, for Gai made sure not to hit it.

"YOU MUST PAY!" GAI yelled as he took one last swing at Sasuke, which connected with his stomach. Sasuke flew back into the broken couch as Gai put the sledge hammer away and sat on his broken chair behind his broken desk.

"So, where were we?" Gai said as he smiled. Sasuke made the mistake at looking at his teeth and was blinded by the sparkle they let off.

"AAAAHHHHHH! MY EYES!" Sasuke yelled as he grabbed his eyes in pain.

"DON'T WORRY SASUKE! I HAVE HAD EXTENSIVE TRAINING IN THE EVENT THAT THIS WOULD EVER HAPPEN! HEIMLICH MANEUVER!" Gai yelled as he ran to Sasuke and got behind him. He put his arms around Sasuke's waist from behind and started pushing in on Sasuke's stomach. However, the spot he pushed on is where Sasuke got hit with the sledge hammer and it still hurt Sasuke a lot when something touched it.

"OOWWWWW!" Sasuke yelled in pain.

"LIVE, DAMMIT, LIVE!" Gai exclaimed as he pushed harder.

"OOOWWWWWW!" Sasuke yelled even louder.

"Sasuke, whatever you do, STAY AWAY FROM THE WHITE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL!" Gai yelled.

"STOP TRYING TO HELP ME!" Sasuke yelled.

"NO! IF I STOP YOU'RE EYE WILL FALL OUT!" Gai yelled as he pushed even harder on Sasuke.

"HOW IS GIVING ME THE HEIMLICH GOING TO HELP MY EYE?" Sasuke yelled back.

"DO NOT QUESTION MY AUTHORITY!" Gai yelled.

Finally, Gai decided Sasuke would be okay and went back to sit on his broken chair.

"Okay, now that you are still alive and you have a youthful look and have yelled to the world that you are a youthful pizza, it is time for you to do a youthful dance!" Gai said as he got a boom box out of his filing cabinet.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: AHAHAHAHA! I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE THIS!

Gai turned on the boom box and put a cd in, and banjo music started to play. Gai then started to square dance by himself.

"JOIN ME SASUKE! BE ONE WITH YOUR YOUTHFUL SELF!" Gai exclaimed exuberantly.

"NO! I REFUSE TO SQUARE DANCE WITH YOU!" Sasuke yelled to Gai.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Angry fangirls...

"Time to square dance!" Sasuke yelled as he got up and ran over to Gai and started square dancing. Gai then swung his arm through Sasuke's and yelled, "SWING YOUR PARTNER ROUND AND ROUND!" Gai then began swinging Sasuke around and around until he couldn't hold on anymore and let Sasuke go. Sasuke flew into the wall and landed on the broken couch.

"COME SASUKE! IT IS TIME TO DO THE MACARENA!" Gai yelled as he pulled Sasuke up and put the macarena on. They both did the macarena until Gai accidentally hit Sasuke with his arm and Sasuke fell into Gai's giant filing cabinet and got locked inside.

"LET ME OUT!" Sasuke yelled.

"WHO'S THERE?" Gai yelled, looking around the room.

"IT'S ME!" Sasuke yelled, trying to get out.

"THE TOMATO GOD!" Gai yelled as he got on the floor and bowed down, "I AM SORRY IF I HAVE DISHONORED YOU ALL MIGHTY TOMATO GOD!"

"LET ME OUT!" Sasuke yelled, "I'm SASUKE! Not the TOMATO GOD!"

"Of course you are the tomato god! I heard you in town a few days ago yelling that you would destroy everyone with your tomato god powers!" Gai exclaimed, "How can I help you?"

"Let me out of the filing cabinet!" Sasuke a.k.a. the tomato god yelled.

Gai got up and tried to open his filing cabinet, but found it was locked. He then grabbed a piece of wood from his broken desk and yelled, "I'M COMING TOMATO GOD!" Gai then began whacking the filing cabinet with the wood until it finally opened. However, he didn't realize it opened and began whacking Sasuke with the wood.

"OWW STOP! I'm out!" Sasuke yelled getting out of the cabinet.

"Where are you? Gai yelled as he looked around for the tomato god, but all he found was Sasuke.

"I'm the tomato god you heard!" Sasuke told him.

"YOU ARE NOT THE TOMATO GOD!" Gai yelled.

"THERE IS NO TOMATO GOD!" Sasuke yelled.

"YES THERE IS! ONLY SOMEONE WHO IS INSANE WOULD THINK THERE IS NO TOMATO GOD! YOU ARE INSANE!" Gai yelled.

"I'M NOT INSANE! YOU'RE INSANE!" Sasuke yelled.

"THERE IS NO HOPE FOR YOUR SANITY! I AM AFRAID YOU WILL BE INSANE FOREVER!" Gai yelled at Sasuke, "GET OUT OF MY OFFICE BEFORE I BECOME INSANE TOO!" Gai grabbed Sasuke and threw him as hard as he could at the door. Sasuke broke through the door and when he got up, he ran as far as he could away from Gai's office. As he went through town he noticed people staring at him and he realized he still had spandex and a bowl haircut. He ignored them all and kept running to his house, until he was stopped by Ino and Sakura.

"SASUKE, NOOOOO!" Sakura yelled as she fell on the ground and started crying.

"Well, you can have him now Sakura! I have to go because Temari's in town and I need to find Shikamaru before she does. Bye Sakura!" Ino said as she walked off. The only response she got from Sakura was more crying.

'_Well, at least this look got Sakura to stop bothering me,' _Sasuke thought as he left Sakura and finally made it to his house.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: HA! You are insane! Your therapist said you were insane, and that was number seven! AHAHAHAHA! And I got it all on tape!

"AAARRGGGHHH! I'm going to sleep, so leave me alone!" Sasuke said.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Okay, you do that! I'm going to watch Gai beat you with a sledge hammer over and over! AHAHAHAHAHA! I can't wait to see what the next tip is!

The only reply she got from Sasuke was a large groan from in his house.

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Preview For Next Chapter

"YEAH DUDES, LETS ROCK AND ROLL!" Sasuke yelled as he grabbed his guitar and ran on stage.

"It's going to be a long night," Naruto said. Lee just nodded his head in agreement.

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Another chapter! How did you like it? I actually made a somewhat long chapter! Yay me! Next one will be up this week, maybe today if I have time. Please review and let me know what you think!

Pooh Bear Is My Hero


	9. Battle of the Bands

1Disclaimer: PERHAPS!!!! I do NOT own Naruto! Nor do I own Lucky Charms, Trix, Aaron carter, or The Cheetah Girls.

Thanks to all of you who are reviewing! My goal is to get to chapter 15 before New Years!

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**Number Eight**

**You Know You're Insane If You Are Arrested For Charges Of Whacking A Child In The Head With A Guitar**

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"What the hell? Show me ONE person that has ever gotten arrested for whacking a kid in the head with a guitar! NO ONE DOES THAT!" Sasuke yelled, still annoyed from therapy yesterday.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Jiraiya then appeared with an electric guitar in hand and whacked Sasuke in the head with it.

"WhaOOWWWWW!" Sasuke yelped as he fell over in the street in pain. He looked up and saw Jiraiya with a large guitar standing above him. He then began whacking Sasuke in the head over and over with his guitar until the police came and took Jiraiya away.

"NOOOOO! IT WAS FOR THE SAKE OF RESEARCH! **RESEARCH I SAY!**" he yelled as the cops pulled him away and confiscated his guitar. They threw the electric guitar in front of Sasuke and left with Jiraiya.

"I hate you," Sasuke mumbled to the narrator, who didn't hear him.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That just NEVER gets old!

"What are you talking about? I only got beaten with this thing once," Sasuke said as he picked up the guitar.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Not that, Gai beating you with a sledge hammer and then giving you the heimlich maneuver! Do you want to watch, too? I have it on video and I made copies. You can keep the copy if you want...

"NO I do NOT want to watch!" Sasuke yelled.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: All right, but you don't know what you're missing!

"I think I'll manage," Sasuke replied, "Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to get dressed and try to do something with this bowl cut!" Sasuke said near tears at mentioning his now unhappy hair. Sasuke walked inside his house and a few minutes later a scream could be heard throughout Konoha.

"WHO THE HELL FILLED MY CLOSET WITH MULTI COLORED SPANDEX?!?!?!?" he screamed.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Do you like it? Gai said it would make you less insane, so I took the liberty of getting rid of all your old clothes and putting in lovely spandex! I even found on with ALL the colors of the RAINBOW! YAY!!!!!!

"No, I don't like it! Now I'm forced to wear this hideous stuff!" Sasuke yelled.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!!

"I hate you SO much," Sasuke mumbled to the narrator. The narrator did not here for she was too busy still screaming 'YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'

"Of course, you get me every color spandex under the sun but black and all dark shades of colors," Sasuke groaned.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: May I suggest the light pink one with red hearts?

"No," was all Sasuke said to that idea.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: The only problem is they are dry clean only. I couldn't find any machine washable ones. The only machine washable ones they had were in black and navy blue.

"Why didn't you get THOSE then?" Sasuke asked, annoyed.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Because then you wouldn't be nearly as miserable as you are now, and therefore I would be miserable!

"Hn," was all Sasuke gave as a reply before picking out the darkest color he could find and putting it on. He chose a lilac purple, which was the darkest color the narrator put in his closet. Sasuke then walked outside and heard a roar of laughter from the narrator.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Sasuke chose to ignore the narrator because he knew that arguing would make everything worse for him. He walked to the end of his street and was about to turn the corner when the narrator yelled something at him.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: WAIT! LOOK AT THAT POSTER ON THE WINDOW OF THAT CAFÉ!

Sasuke looked to the window of the café and saw a poster that read :**Battle of the Bands Tonight at 8 PM. Ask inside for deatils.**

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Sasuke you should enter!

"No," was all he said before he continued his journey to the supermarket, for he threw his Lucky Charm cereal into the river for he was afraid that the leprechaun on the box would come to life and try to sacrifice him to the volcano gods as well. As he walked people began laughing at him because of his new wardrobe.

"One day I will destroy you all," Sasuke mumbled under his breath as he went into the food store and grabbed some Trix cereal, for there was no leprechaun on it. He paid for it and as he walked away more people began laughing at him. He turned around and yelled, "ONE DAY I WILL DESTROY ALL OF YOUR CHERISHED LOVED ONES AND THAN YOU WILL REGRET EVER MAKING FUN OF ME!" They all just laughed at him more so he just walked out of the store and headed back to his house.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Sasuke, you should really enter that Battle of the Bands thing! You play guitar, right?

"Yeah, so?" Sasuke asked.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Well, if you enter you can prove you are better than Itachi because word on the street is he is entering as well!

Sasuke stopped in his tracks right in front of his house as anger came to his face. "NOOOOO!" he yelled, "I SHALL DEFEAT YOU IN THIS BATTLE OF THE BANDS, ITACHI, AND THEN WE SHALL SEE WHO THE SUPERIOR BROTHER IS!" Sasuke said as he grabbed a flashlight out of nowhere, turned it on and held it to his face, and yelled, "MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: O-kay...that's a little creepy...

"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Sasuke continued on.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Actually, never mind, it's very creepy! You have a problem, go see a therapist.

At the mention of the word 'therapist' Sasuke jumped on his roof and yelled, "NEVER AGAIN! YOU HEAR ME? NEVER AGAIN!"

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: All right then, moving on-

"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!" Sasuke interrupted.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Ugh, I can't even begin to describe how much I want to KILL you right now! But if I did, then we wouldn't be able to finish finding out if you're insane, so SHUT UP! All right, we need to find a band for you! And instruments...

"A BAND! Where can I find one of those? And how am I supposed to pay for instruments?" Sasuke asked.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Well, that electric guitar Jiraiya whacked you with should work for you...

"AHA! YES!" Sasuke yelled as he grabbed the guitar that was still lying in the middle of the street, "NOW I'M OFF TO FIND A BAND!"

Sasuke ran around town looking for people to be in his band when he found Naruto. Naruto looked at him and immediately burst into a fit of laughter. Sasuke just waited for him to stop and when he did he asked Naruto his question.

"Naruto! Will you help me?" he asked.

"I guess so, what do I have to do?" Naruto asked his teammate.

"I need you to be part of my band and compete in the Battle of the Bands tonight," Sasuke explained.

"SURE!" Naruto said, getting excited, "I want to play the drums!"

"Fine, but you're buying them yourself," Sasuke said.

They both ran off looking for more people. Sasuke decided they should also have a bass guitar and a keyboard and that would be it. They two continued searching around town until they ran into Lee (Literally).

"Hello youthful Naruto and insane Sasuke!" Lee said as he got up along with the Naruto and Sasuke. Lee looked at Sasuke and gave him the good guy pose and said, "YES! YOU HAVE TAKEN GAI SENSEI'S ADVICE AND HAVE WORN YOUTHFULLY YOUTHFUL SPANDEX!

"I am not insane, and I did not take Gai's advice. It was all that was in my closet today," Sasuke said through clenched teeth. He was using all his might not to punch Lee in the face for he needed Lee to be in his band.

"Sasuke, why do you even have spandex in your closet?" Naruto asked with a smirk on his face. Sasuke would have loved to punch Naruto as well, but he needed Naruto for the band, too.

"Because, Naruto," he began, "the voice that controls my life put it there."

Lee and Naruto just looked at Sasuke as if he were crazy, but Sasuke asked Lee his question anyway.

"Lee will you help me with something?"

"Of course I will help! What is it?" Lee asked youthfully.

"BE PART OF OUR BAND!" Naruto yelled.

"I would love to! I did play a bit of guitar back in the day..." Lee said, thinking back to his young youthful childhood.

"Great, you can play bass guitar, now lets go find someone to play keyboard!" Sasuke yelled.

"I heard you guys need another person for your band," Kiba said walking up to them with Akamaru trailing behind. Kiba looked at Sasuke and burst out laughing at his choice of wardrobe. After about five minutes he calmed down, but then looked at Sasuke again and started cracking up. Naruto interrupted his laughing fit.

"What's it to ya, dog boy?" Naruto asked.

Sasuke rolled his eyes and ignored Naruto and said, "Yeah, we need someone to play keyboard. Are you any good?"

"I've never played in my life," Kiba said as he picked up Akamaru.

"Great, your in," Sasuke said, "Now, OFF TO THE MUSIC STORE!" Lee, Kiba, and Naruto yelled in approval and they all ran off. Then, after they ran about 10 feet, they stopped and Naruto asked, "Where IS the music store?" No one knew where it was, so they stayed where they were for a few minutes and tried to think of where the music store was.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Oh my, HOW STUPID CAN YOU BE! Sasuke, look behind you.

Sasuke did as he was told and in front of his face was a huge sign on a window that read: **MUSIC STORE: FOR ALL YOUR MUSICAL NEEDS!**

"Wow, guys! I found it! Look!" Sasuke said. They all turned around and saw the same thing. Lee, Kiba, and Naruto cheered as they ran into the store with Sasuke trailing behind with his guitar that he got from Jiraiya.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Idiot...

"I HEARD THAT!" Sasuke yelled before entering the store.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: GOOD!

They walked in and Naruto immediately found a huge drum set. He took out his frog wallet and payed for the set. Lee found a bass guitar and Kiba found an electric keyboard and they both payed for what they found as well. They all left the shop and began walking to the café by Sasuke's house to sign up for the Battle of the Bands. When they got their they signed up and the manager of the café told them they would be up first. Sasuke looked at the clock and saw it was...7:30!!!!!!!

"WE ONLY HAVE A HALF HOUR!" Sasuke exclaimed. They all ran onto the stage and set up their instruments.

"What song are we going to play?" Kiba asked them. No one had any idea what song to play, so Sasuke decided they'd figure that out later.

"So what do we do now then?" Naruto asked.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Sasuke! You guys have to get costumes and make up! All rock stars wear costumes and make up! That way you'll sound better than Itachi AND look better than him too!

"YEAH! We need costumes and make up! COME ON!" Sasuke exclaimed, dragging them behind stage where the manager told them they could find costumes and make up and other things they would need/

Sasuke looked around at the costumes in front of him but all he found was spandex, spandex, and more SPANDEX!

"IT IS YOUTHFUL SPANDEX!" Lee yelled.

"NOOOOOO!" Sasuke and Kiba yelled. Naruto was busy trying on some orange spandex.

"Guys, how does this look on me? Do you think it makes me look fat?" Naruto asked. Sasuke just whacked Naruto in the head and decided he would stick with his purple spandex, for all of the colors were pastels like light yellow and pink.

"No, I am NOT wearing that!" Kiba stated.

"BE A MAN KIBA!" Naruto yelled before he started making fun of Kiba for not wearing it. Kiba didn't like being made fun of, especially by Naruto, so he picked out a pink spandex and put it on. Lee didn't have to change for he was already wearing spandex.

"Okay, now we need make up like all those rock stars wear!" Sasuke said.

"Make up is where I DRAW THE LINE!" Kiba yelled.

"Same here," Naruto said.

"I do not believe make up is very youthful," Lee stated.

Sasuke ignored them and put his own make up on. He turned around when he was done and asked Kiba, Naruto, and Lee how it looked. They all shuddered at the sight in front them. His entire face was covered in white make up and he had on glittery red eyeshadow. They also noticed that he must have used the brightest red lip stick he could find. They all just nodded their heads in fear of if he would do that to them as well. And of course he did the same to all of them for he didn't want to lose to Itachi. Now all four of their faces looked exactly the same with the white make up and bright sparkly red eyeshadow and bright red lipstick. Kiba, Naruto, and Lee were going to protest having the make up put on them but they were scared that Sasuke would kill them, so they went along with it. Sasuke went on stage and grabbed his guitar and brought it back stage to tune it. When he finished he put it down and told the rest of his band that they needed to decide on a song.

"How about the Barney theme song?" Naruto asked, "I love that purple dinosaur!"

"NO!" Sasuke yelled. He refused to play the Barney song in front of people. It was true that he did love that purple dinosaur as well. In fact he had the whole collection of Barney episodes on dvd, but he was not ready to reveal his love for the adorable dinosaur to the public yet.

Finally, Sasuke came up with an idea. "I've heard of this thing called screamo," Sasuke began, "Screamo that I've heard is just people playing music as loudly as they can and then screaming as loudly as they can," Sasuke said, trying to explain what he thought screamo music was. "So we'll do that, okay?" Sasuke said, "Just go on stage and play as loudly as you can and scream as loud as you can, got it?" They all nodded their heads as the manager's voice came on over the microphone and welcomed everyone to the Battle of the Bands. They heard a lot of screaming so they figured there must be a lot of people.

"And now, lets welcome a local group made up of Sasuke, Naruto, lee and Kiba! Give it up for them everyone!" the manager yelled, getting off stage.

"YEAH DUDES, LETS ROCK AND ROLL!" Sasuke yelled as he grabbed his guitar and ran on stage.

"It's going to be a long night," Naruto said. Lee just nodded his head in agreement.

They all ran on stage and got in their places. Then, Sasuke went up to his microphone and yelled, "ONE TWO THREE GO!" At that the four of them started playing. Sasuke and Lee knew some of what they were doing since they had played before, but Naruto and Kiba had no idea what they were doing. Even if they did it wouldn't have made a difference because they were all playing different things at different tempos. The only thing they were all doing at the same time was screaming as loud as they could.

Naruto started getting really into it so he threw his drumsticks in a random direction and hit Kiba in the head with them. Kiba fell on his piano and then got up and rubbed the back of his head, wondering what happened. Naruto then began banging the drums with his head while screaming. Eventually Naruto lifted his head up and couldn't see anything. That's when he realized his head was stuck in one of the drums. He got up off his seat and tried to get it off, but couldn't. He walked around the stage and decided he would make it look like part of the show. So he spread his arms out and started spinning rapidly in circles. As he spun he was moving closer and closer to Kiba until finally Naruto's arm collided with Kiba. Kiba flew into Lee from the impact of Naruto's arm. Naruto didn't notice anything and just kept spinning with outstretched arms. Lee was pushed off the stage and into the crowd. Kiba yelled, "MOSH PIT!" and everyone began moving Lee over their heads. Finally Lee made it to a dead end and couldn't go anywhere so they threw him out the window. Kiba then jumped into the mosh pit as well but they let him fall to the ground. Sasuke then continued screaming and playing. In fact he was the only one still playing so the manager came on the stage.

"Okay, well I think that's all from this band," he began but Sasuke kept going anyway for he wanted to beat Itachi. "Anyway, if any of you missed anything so far, here is what's going on. Naruto is spinning around like an idiot with a drum on his head, Kiba is unconscious on the ground, Lee was pushed into a mosh pit and sent flying through a window, and Sasuke is still playing and screaming." the manager finished. He then walked over to Sasuke and told him it was over. Sasuke stopped and was about to walk off stage when a boy about 10 years old yelled, "BOO!!!! YOU SUCK!!!"

Sasuke turned around and his eyes met with the kid's eyes. "What did yu say to me punk?" Sasuke asked.

"I said you suck, idiot!" the kid replied.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: AHAHAHAHAHAHA! I like this kid, he's smart!

Sasuke ignored the narrator and jumped off the stage and ran towards the kid. "You're going to pay, you little brat!" he yelled as he began whacking the kid in the head with his guitar. He would have continued if the police didn't come in and pull him away from the kid and take his guitar.

"Okay, okay, what's the prob- Oh, you again," said the cop that pulled him off the kid. Sasuke recognized the cop as the one from his street party.

"You know this guy?" asked the other cop.

"Yeah, he's a bit insane. He claims to be Aaron Carter. I see you brought a band with you tonight. Who do you guys think you are tonight, the Cheetah Girls?" the cop said as he started laughing. Sasuke ignored the cop's comment and asked, "What did I do wrong?"

"Well, Aaron, you are under arrest for charges of whacking a child in the head with a guitar," the cop said. Sasuke didn't bother arguing with the cop. He decided jail would be better than going home since there would be no spandex in jail, so he walked with the police men to their car. As he got into the back of the car, he could hear the narrator laughing.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: AHAHAHAHAHA! That's 8 out of 8! The odds are against you Sasuke! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! And don't worry, I'll find a way to get you out of jail!

Sasuke just groaned as the car door slammed and the police took him away to the jail.

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Preview for Next Chapter

"_No, I'm trying to come back in, see? I have the uniform and everything! I escaped! Please let me in, PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!" Sasuke screamed, near tears for they wouldn't let him back in jail._

"_I'm sorry sir, but I do not recognize you. No admittance into the jail unless you are arrested," the man said._

"_But I was arrested! I whacked a kid in the head with a guitar!" Sasuke yelled._

"_That is the dumbest excuse I have ever heard of. You are not allowed into this jail, end of story. Brutus, Rosco, show this boy to the door," the man said as he let his two dogs off their leashes so they could chase Sasuke away._

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Nine pages on wordperfect! I managed to write another long chapter! YAY! Hope you liked it, next one is going to be kind of short and will be up very very soon(maybe even today). Please review and let me know what you think of this chapter!

Pooh Bear Is My Hero


	10. Jail Break

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or else this would have already happened in the anime!!!

A HUGE thanks to **Rabid Wolf Ninja** and **Sarafina the Ninja Goddess** for reviewing on almost every chapter! You both get 2 cookies!!! Yay! Thanks to all of my other reviewers as well... you all get a cookie too for taking the time to review!!!!

On with the story!!!!

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**Number Nine**

**You Know You're Insane If You Believe Your Purpose In Life Is To Kill Your Older Brother For Revenge**

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Pooh Bear Is My Hero: HA! This describes Sasuke perfectly! I need to get him out of jail and tell him and then we can read more tips!

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With Sasuke In Jail

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Pooh Bear Is My Hero: SASUKE! I'm going to break you out of jail so we can finish the book and I can tell you the next tip and...and...AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WEARING?

"Don't say a word," Sasuke grumbled.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: AHAHA! Just why are you wearing a shiny hot pink jail suit that is blinding everyone in your jail cell from the glare it's sending off? (Thanks to KKCoolGirl for the idea of bright pink jail uniforms)

"Because," Sasuke began, "This is the girl's jail."

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Oh, I know I'm just going to love hearing how you got put in the girl's jail.

Sasuke sighed and said in a whisper, "They thought I was a girl."

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: What's that, I can't hear you Sasuke! SPEAK UP!

"THEY THOUGHT I WAS A GIRL DAMMIT!" Sasuke yelled, causing everyone to stare at him.

"But Sasukeina, you are a girl! That's why you're here!" One girl in his cell said.

"I am NOT a girl!" Sasuke yelled, "And I already told you, my name is SASUKE not SASUKEINA!"

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Don't worry Sasuke! I'm going to get you out of jail!

Images of how the narrator would go about getting Sasuke out of jail ran through Sasuke's mind. In every single one, he always saw himself getting hurt in some way and going to the hospital.

"No, It's okay, I'll stay here!" Sasuke protested.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Oh, come now Sasuke! We can't finish finding out if you're insane in here! I need to tell you today's tip still, too!

"Then just tell me!" Sasuke yelled. Everyone in his cell stared at him again. They were all wondering why he was talking to himself. They all assumed he was crazy so they backed away into a corner.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: I can't! I am very uncomfortable in jails...

"Well I'm staying here!" Sasuke concluded.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: NO! We are going to escape right now! The wall in Sasuke's cell blew up and Sasuke ran outside to freedom!

The wall did blow up and Sasuke did run to freedom, but the second he got out he tried to run back into his cell. However, the narrator ordered the wall be fixed so he couldn't get in. So, Sasuke ran to the front of the jail and ordered the guards to let him in.

"LET ME IN!" Sasuke yelled as he ran to the guards that were guarding the door along with 2 large, snarling dogs.

"I'm sorry ma'am, but I do not recognize you and therefore I cannot let you in. There are no visitors today," the guard said.

"NO! I'm not a woman! I'm a MAN!" Sasuke yelled.

"Well then you don't really belong here, do you?" the guard said.

"NO I DO BELONG HERE! THEY THOUGHT I WAS A GIRL SO THEY PUT ME HERE!" Sasuke yelled.

"Do not take a step closer sir or I will be foreced to do something I really don't want to do," the guard said.

"No, I'm trying to come back in, see? I have the uniform and everything! I escaped! Please let me in, PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!" Sasuke screamed, near tears for they wouldn't let him back in jail.

"I'm sorry sir, but I do not recognize you. No admittance into the jail unless you are arrested," the man said.

"But I was arrested! I whacked a kid in the head with a guitar!" Sasuke yelled.

"That is the dumbest excuse I have ever heard of. You are not allowed into this jail, end of story. Brutus, Rosco, show this boy to the door," the man said as he let his two dogs off their leashes so they could chase Sasuke away. The dogs chased Sasuke away and returned to the guards.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: So are you ready to admit defeat and stop trying to get back into jail?

"NO! I WILL GET BACK IN JAIL IF IT KILLS ME!" Sasuke yelled. "I know! I'll ram the door in! Okay, I better get a running start first. One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to GO!" Sasuke yelled as he ran, screaming, towards the front of the jail in attempt to knock the door down.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Wow, you really ARE insane! What kind of normal person tries to break back INTO a jail?

As Sasuke ran towards the door the guards readied their tasers and when he was in range they both shot at him. Sasuke collapsed on the ground like he did the first time he was shot with a taser and started screaming.

"Sir, I am going to have to aske you to leave this facility or I will be forced to electracute you again," one guard said.

Sasuke got up and ran passed the guards and rammed into the door, but it was too hard and he fell over on the ground in pain. The guards shot him again with their tasers and he screamed yet again as the electricity flowed through his body.

"Sir, you are going to be paralyzed for a short period of time. In this time we will return you safely to your home," the guard said.

The guard pulled out a cell phone and called someone to pick Sasuke up. When they got here Sasuke looked up to see who it was. '_Of course, I get stuck with him again!' _Sasuke thought.

"Ah, Aaron! This is the third time you've caused trouble this week. I've been told there's been a mistake here and I'm to take you home, so lets go!" said the cop that would be taking Sasuke home. The cop dragged Sasuke by his feet and threw him in the backseat of his car. He drove him to Sasuke's house and threw him in his house and drove away.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Well, looks like your plan didn't work too well...

"At least now I can get out of these clothes," Sasuke said as he looked down at his pink jail uniform. "AAAAHHHHHHH! TOO SHINY! MY EYES!" Sasuke yelled as he fell over in pain as he forgot how shiny the outfit was.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Don't worry! I'll call Gai over so he can save you with the heimlich maneuver!

"NOOOOOOO!" Sasuke yelled as he jumped out his window in attempt to save himself from Gai if he came. He landed in a large tent and when he got up he saw an old lady sitting in front of him.

"Hello, I am the psychic Geena Garbensteinehlichnekachner, but you may call me Kitten for short," she said.

After Sasuke's eyes adjusted back to normal he looked around the tent and looked behind him outside to see she was sitting on his lawn.

"WHY THE HELL IS YOUR TENT ON MY LAWN? THIS IS PRIVATE PROPERTY!" Sasuke yelled.

"I did not see you name on this lawn..." Kitten said. Sasuke couldn't argue with that logic so he sat down, very confused.

"Now, would you like me to find out who you were in a past life? I speacialize in that..." Kitten said.

"Sure, why not?" Sasuke said.

"The charges are $600,000, just so you know. Now, lets beg-" "$600,000! I DON'T HAVE THAT KIND OF MONEY!" Sasuke yelled to her.

"Well since it is your first time and this is your lawn and I feel bad for you because of that outfit you're wearing, I will drop it to $599,999," Kitten said.

Sasuke thought about her offer and said, "Okay, that sounds like a good deal. Let's get started."

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: WAIT! SASUKE! I have to tell you today's tip! It's that you know you're insane if you think your purpose in life is to get revenge on your brother by killing him.

"That is my purpose in life," Sasuke said.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: EXACTLY! YOU ARE INSANE! 10 OUT OF 10! YES! AHAHAHA!

"Leave me alone, I need to find out what I was in a past life." Sasuke said.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: 9 out of 9! YAY!

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Preview for Next Chapter

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_They continued onward until Naruto yelled, "BOSS! CREEPY SAND GUY AT 29 HUNDRED O' CLOCK!"_

_"What the hell does that even mean, argh?" Sasuke asked._

_"It means GAARA DEAD AHEAD!" Kiba yelled._

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Not a very good chapter, but I just had it to set up the plot for the next one. Next one should be up today, since I'm already more than half way done with it now. So much for getting up to chapter 15 done by New Years, though. Happy New Years to you all!

Pooh Bear Is My Hero


	11. A Pirate's Life For Me

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or the line in here that I used from the show Full House.

Once again, thanks to my reviewers!

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**Number Ten**

**You Know You're Insane If You Think You Are A Pirate And Travel Around Your Village Looking For Treasure In A Giant Wooden Ship**

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Pooh Bear Is My Hero: How long does it take to find out your past life? I need to tell you the next tip!!!!

Sasuke walked out of the booth and said, "I don't have time for your stupid tips today, I need to be one with my piratey self!

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: ...What?

"The old lady told me I was a pirate in my past life and I buried a treasure here in Konoha so in order to find it I must be a pirate like I was so long ago! If I don't Itachi will find it first and I will NOT LET THAT HAPPEN ARGH!" Sasuke yelled.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: O-kay...

"YO HO! YO HO! I PIRATE'S LIFE FOR ME!" Sasuke yelled as he ran into his house. He came out in a pirate suit, including a wooden leg and eye patch.

"How do you like my piratey outfit?" Sasuke askes the narrator.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Why exactly do you keep a pirate costume in your closet?

"That's none of your concern..." Sasuke said darkly. "Now, I must find a ship! YO HO! YO HO! A PIRATE'S LIFE FOR MEEEEEEEEE!" Sasuke yelled as he ran into town.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Okay, either you're on crack or that's not really you. WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH THE REAL INSANE SASUKE?!?!?!?!

Sasuke ignored the narrator and ran to the wood shop in town. "SIR! Can you make a huge wooden pirate ship for me?" Sasuke asked the man in the shop.

"It just so happens I have one in stock!" he said to Sasuke as he took him to the back of his shop. And there, as he said, stood a HUGE wooden pirate ship.

"I'll take it!" Sasuke yelled. He handed his money to the man and drove the ship out into the rest of the village.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: How he's driving a ship ON LAND with NO WATER is beyond me...

"Hmm, I need a crew to help me find my treasure!" Sasuke said. He traveled around town in search of people to recruit. The first person he found was...

"NARUTO!" Sasuke yelled as he stopped the ship in front of the blonde boy and jumped off the ship in front of him, "BE A PIRATE WITH ME!"

"A PIRATE? I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE A PIRATE! I'M IN!" Naruto yelled. Sasuke threw him some pirate clothes he brought with him from his house and Naruto put them on. They both returned to the boat and Sasuke began driving to look for more people. Naruto in the meantime decided to trade his eyepatch for another wooden leg. He put the second wooden leg on and said, "Look, Sasuke! Just call me Peggy!"

"That's not funny, dobe," Sasuke replied. Sasuke looked around town some more and found Kiba and Shino walking around.

"KIBA! SHINO! Help me in my piratey quest!" Sasuke yelled. They both looked up at Sasuke and Shino yelled up to him, "No," and began to walk away. Kiba began to follow Shino until they were both stopped by Sasuke jumping down in front of them.

"You are going to help me or I will make you walk the plank!" Sasuke yelled as he pushed them into the side of his ship so they had no where to run. Naruto ran off the boat with a large piece of wood in hand.

"Naruto, what is that?" Sasuke asked the blonde now wooden legged boy.

"It's the plank! You said you were going to make them walk it!" Naruto said.

"I was, but you kind of defeated the purpose of it now by taking it OFF THE SHIP!" Sasuke yelled, "You're supposed to keep it on the edge of the ship so people can jump off it and DIE, you baka!"

"Oohhh, I see!" Naruto said as he began running toward the ship again. He tripped on his peg legs, however, and the plank flew into the air and landed on Sasuke's head.

"Oops, sorry Sasuke!" Naruto said sheepishly.

"BAKA! GET BACK IN THE DAMN SHIP!" Sasuke yelled. Naruto saluted him and ran up the ship carefully this time to avoid falling.

"Well, since we don't have a plank, I'll just kill you myself if you don't join my crew," Sasuke said.

"You know Shino," Kiba began, a bit frightened by Sasuke, "I think I'm going to ask him to kill you first. That way, I can watch." Shino just glared at Kiba before looking back to Sasuke and saying, "Fine, we'll help." They both followed Sasuke onto the ship and put on pirate outfits as well.

They continued onward until Naruto yelled, "BOSS! CREEPY SAND GUY AT 29 HUNDRED O' CLOCK!"

"What the hell does that even mean, argh?" Sasuke asked.

"It means GAARA DEAD AHEAD!" Kiba yelled. Sasuke proceeded to look down but he fell over on the ground, as well as the rest of his crew. When he got up he went to the front of the ship and looked down to see Gaara had stopped his ship with his sand.

"Hey, you baka! LET GO OF MY SHIP!" Sasuke yelled. Gaara didn't take kindly to people talking like that, so he looked up and asked in a low voice, "What did you say to me?" Sasuke got a bit nervous for he didn't want to die because if he did Itachi would find the treasure. "I said, umm, BE A PIRATE AND COME ON MY SHIP!" Sasuke yelled. "No," Gaara said as he began to walk around the ship. Sasuke smirked and said, "If you don't help this guy right here may not survive." Sasuke held up small teddy bear. But it wasn't just any teddy bear, it was...

"MR. FUZZY! NO! DON'T HURT HIM!" Gaara yelled, "I'll be a stupid pirate but I want my Mr. Fuzzy back."

"I think that can be arranged," Sasuke said with a triumphant smirk on his face.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: How the hell did you get his teddy bear?

"A good magaician never reveals his secrets," Sasuke replied.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: I thought you were a pirate?

"STOP TALKING TO ME!" Sasuke yelled. So Gaara got in a pirate outfit as well but instead of giving him an eye patch and a wooden leg, Naruto decided to give Gaara two eye patches.

"Hey, I can't see!" Gaara yelled as he began trying to find his way around the ship. Unfortunately he found the stairs and fell down them, crashing into a large barrel.

"NOOOO!" Sasuke yelled as he let go of the wheel. Shino, realizing they had no driver for the ship, ran over and took the wheel so they didn't destroy everything in town.

"YOU DESTROYED OUR BARREL OF RUM!" Sasuke yeleld to Gaara as Kiba helped him find his way back to the deck.

"Umm, Sasuke? Aren't we too young to have rum?" Naruto asked.

"It's there for decoration purposes and now since Gaara broke it, we have no decorations!" Sasuke yelled, "Just great. SHINO GET AWAY FROM THE WHEEL! ONLY THE CAPTAIN GETS TO DRIVE!" Sasuke ran over to Shino and pushed him away and began driving again. So once again they were out looking for recruits. Well, everyone but Gaara and Kiba since Gaara had fallen off the edge of the ship because he had two eyepatches on and Kiba was trying to pull him back on. Once Gaara was back on deck and safely tied to a chair so he couldn't cause anymore damage to himself or others, Sasuke yelled out, "Argh, did any of you find any recrutis argh?"

"No," Shino said as he looked around below them for recruits.

"Argh, Naruto, how is lookout going?" Sasuke asked.

Naruto was in the crow's nest looking around for troubles in front of them. Only problem was he was holding the telescope backwards.

"BAKA!" Kiba yelled, "You're holding the telescope the wrong way! Are you trying to get us all killed?"

"Oops, argh!" Naruto said as he spun the telescope around the right way. He looked in it again and gasped.

"What is it argh?" Sasuke yelled.

"Well there are two-" Naruto stopped himself and thought for a second before talking again, "I mean there argh are argh two argh people argh coming argh this argh way argh and argh they argh are argh-"

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY, ARGH?" Sasuke yelled. Kiba looked down and noticed what Naruto saw. "Sasuke, I think he's-" Kiba stopped himself as well for he realized he was not talking like a pirate like Naruto was, and he didn't want Naruto to be a better pirate than him. "I mean argh Sasuke argh he's argh saying argh that argh there argh are argh two argh people argh in argh front argh of us argh and argh they argh are argh-" Kiba was cut off for the ship went over a huge bump. After they were over it Kiba continued, "Sakura and Ino."

Shino looked over the edge of the back of the boat and announced to everyone, "We just ran over Sakura and Ino."

"YES!" Sasuke yelled, "Now they won't annoy me anymore because they're dead! OH YEAH!"

"Umm, they're not dead. We just ran them over and they might be paralyzed...or traumatized...something with an -ized at the end of it," Shino said.

"Damn," Sasuke mumbled under his breath. They all continued looking for more recruits (except for Gaara of course), until Naruto yelled, "ARGH there argh is argh-" he was cut off by Sasuke. "FROM NOW ON ONLY I SAY ARGH, GOT IT?" Everyone nodded their heads as Naruto continued, "Neji is in front of us."

Sasuke stopped the boat in front of Neji. Neji looked up and asked, "What do you want, Uchiha?"

"Be part of my piratey crew, Hyuuga," Sasuke yelled.

"No," Neji said before continuing onward towards where he was going.

"If you join our pirate ship I will hurt your sensei for you so he doesn't annoy you anymore!" Sasuke yelled to Neji.

Neji stopped and turned around. "You'll hurt him physically or emotionally?" he asked Sasuke.

"Umm, both, argh." Sasuke replied. "I'm in," Neji said as he ran onto the ship and put on the pirate clothes Naruto threw him. Neji put them on but when he looked at them something didn't look right to him. That's when he realized...

"THESE ARE GIRL'S CLOTHES!" Neji screamed at Naruto as he examined the skirt he was now wearing.

"I thought you were a girl..." Naruto said.

"NO! WHY DOES EVERYONE THINK THAT?" Neji yelled.

"Because you look like a girl..." Kiba pointed out, "To tell you the truth, I was going to ask you out on a date the first time I saw you, but Hinata told me you were a boy and then I got really grossed out."

"That skirt actually doesn't look that bad on you Neji..." Naruto said.

"I hate you all," Neji mumbled to them as he walked away from them.

"Guys, shut up! Chouji and Shikamaru are coming up! We need to ask them to be part of our crew!" Sasuke yelled.

"And we need to ask them if they think Neji looks like a girl. Because I mean is it just me and Naruto, or do you guys think he looks like a girl too?" Kiba yelled.

"Yeah, he looks like a girl," Shino said as he walked over to Kiba, Naruto, and Neji.

"I can't see him now because I have two eye patches on, but last time I did he looked like a girl which made me want to kill him more," Gaara, still tied up in the chair, said.

"Yeah, he definately looks like a girl, argh," Sasuke put in.

"OH, LOOK WHO'S TALKING!" Neji yelled to Sasuke.

"I do NOT LOOK LIKE A GIRL! If I look like a girl, then why do I have so many fangirls? That's why Tenten is dating Lee and not you, because YOU LOOK LIKE A GIRL!" Sasuke said as he stopped the ship in front of Shikamaru and Chouji.

"YOU WERE PUT IN A GIRL'S JAIL BECAUSE THEY THOUGHT YOU WERE A GIRL! And...and... SINCE WHEN DID LEE AND TENTEN START GOING OUT?" Neji yelled, obviously very angry.

"HOW DID YOU FIND OUT ABOUT ME GOING IN A GIRL'S JAIL? And Tenten and Lee started dating not too long ago. That's what I heard from Sakura anyway, because she wouldn't shut up about it because now Lee wouldn't annoy her anymore," Sasuke said.

"Sasuke, we all knew about you going to a woman's jail," Naruto said, "There were flyers in our mailboxes."

'_Who put flyers in their mailboxes?' _Sasuke thought.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: I was feeling so nice today, Sasuke, that I decided to let everyone know you were put in a woman's jail!

"AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! I HATE YOU SO MUCH!" Sasuke yelled.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: I know! YAY!

"Sasuke who are you talking to?" Naruto asked.

"The voice that controls my life now shut up argh!" Sasuke said.

"Can we please get back to what I was talking about?" Neji yelled, "I TOLD THAT BAKA LEE THAT TENTEN WAS MINE AND IF HE WENT NEAR HER HE WOULD PAY THE PRICE!"

"Maybe she wouldn't have gone out with you anyway Neji, since she thought you were gay and all..." Kiba said.

"WHY WOULD SHE THINK I'M GAY?" Neji asked.

"Because you've never shown any liking for a girl...EVER!" Kiba spat back.

"Both of you SHUT UP! I NEED TO TALK TO SHIKAMARU AND CHOUJI!" Sasuke yelled as he went to the edge of the boat and yalled down to the Shikamaru and Chouji, "Want to be pirates for a day?"

"Will we get food?" Chouji asked as he munched on his chips.

"Umm, sure, and also you won't have to walk anywhere because you'll be on this boat," Sasuke said.

"I'm in," Shikamaru said as he walked on the boat with Chouji following close behind. Naruto threw them both pirate clothes and they put them on. Sasuke then began driving the boat again and said, "Okay, you may all carry on with what you were previously doing." They all nodded their heads and Kiba said, "Shikamaru, Chouji, do you think Neji looks like a girl?"

Chouji nodded his head for his mouth was full because he was eating chips.

"He takes better care of his hair than Ino, which is really saying something. His hair is probably even longer than Ino's. Yeah, he looks like a girl." Shikamaru said as he layed back on the deck and watched the clouds go by.

"Now, does everyone here think Neji is gay?" Kiba asked.

"Yes," everyone said in unison.

"And we all know Tenten thinks you're gay, too," Kiba said.

"YOU DON'T KNOW THAT AND I'M NOT GAY!" Neji yelled.

"Actually, I do. Hinata told me that Tenten told her that she thought you were gay," Kiba said.

"Yeah, well, I think you're gay Kiba!" Neji yelled, "And you too, Naruto!"

"Yeah, well I think you're gay Neji, and so is Shino!" Naruto yelled.

"I'm not gay! Chouji is!" Shino yelled.

"How did I get involved in this?" Chouji asked.

"SHUT UP!" Neji, Kiba, Shino, and Naruto yelled at him.

"Hmph. I think Shino, Naruto, Neji, and Gaara are gay," Chouji said as he went back to eating his chips.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY ABOUT ME PUNK?" Gaara yelled, "I MAY NOT BE ABLE TO SEE BUT I CAN STILL KICK YOUR ASS!"

"No one accused Shikamaru of being gay yet, so I'm accusing him, Neji, and Naruto of being gay!" Kiba yelled.

They all continued yelling about who thought who was gay, and Sasuke got angrier and angrier as time went by. Finally, he couldn't take it anymore and yelled, "HOW ABOUT EVERY ONE OF YOU IS GAY, OKAY? NOW SHUT THE HELL UP!" Everyone quieted down and didn't talk after that. Sasuke broke the silence and said, "TENTEN AND LEE ARE COMING!"

"I'LL KILL LEE!" Neji said.

"NO! WE NEED HIM FOR OUR PIRATEY CREW!" Sasuke yelled back. "Lee! Tenten! Join us in being pirates for a day!"

Lee and Tenten looked at each other and shrugged. Then Lee yelled up, "SURE, YOUTHFUL SASUKE! WE'LL HELP!" They both ran on the ship and Naruto threw them clothes to wear. Tenten went below deck and put hers on for she didn't want the boys to see her undressed. Lee put his on and as he was about to put his eye patch on, Neji said, "Here, Lee, let me help you with that!"

"Thank you, Neji!" Lee said as he handed the eye patch to Neji and turned around so Neji could tie it on. Neji put it on and as he was tieing it her tied it too tight. "AAHHHH! MY EYE! NEJI MY EYE! STOP!" Lee yelled.

"THIS IS WHAT YOU GET FOR STEALING MY GIRL!" Neji yelled.

"You have a girl?" Tenten asked as she came up the stairs onto the deck. "I thought you were gay."

"AHA! I told you so!" Kiba yelled.

"Told him what?" Tenten asked as she pushed Neji off Lee and helped him with the eye patch.

"Before you and Lee got here we were having a discussion about if Neji looks like a girl which we agreed he did, and if Neji was gay. But then the discussion of if Neji was gay turned into us arguing who here was gay and who wasn't. We decided that Neji was gay though." Kiba said.

"I AM NOT GAY!" Neji yelled.

"I THOUGHT I TOLD ALL OF YOU TO DROP THE CONVERSATION!" Sasuke yelled.

"We had to fill Tenten and Lee in on what happened," Naruto said.

Lee and Tenten ignored Naruto and Sasuke as they began arguing and observed who else was on the ship. "GAARA!" Lee yelled as he ran over and hugged Gaara.

"If my hands weren't tied up I would kill you," Gaara said.

"Oh, you and your jokes Gaara," Lee said as he hugged Gaara again.

"You sound farmiliar. Oh no, you're the crazy one who wears green spandex! STAY AWAY!" Gaara yelled, "I WANT MY TEDDY BEAR! HE WOULD PROTECT ME FROM THIS SPANDX BEAST!"

"Shut up Gaara! You'll get the bear back when I find my treasure. Lee, get away from Gaara so I don't have to listen to him scream more,"Sasuke yelled.

Lee walked away from Gaara and looked over the side of the ship. He didn't notice that Neji was getting closer and closer to him until Neji actually pushed him off the edge. Lee grabbed onto the railing and was now dangling off the side of the ship. "NEJI! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Lee yelled. "I TOLD YOU I'D GET YOU BACK IF YOU WENT NEAR TENTEN!" Neji yelled.

"Neji, stop it! If I've told you once, I've told you a million times, you can't kill Lee!" Tenten said as she helped Lee back on the ship.

"Dammit," Neji mumbled as he walked away from them.

"CAPTAIN! Can we play I Spy?" Naruto yelled.

"No," Sasuke said as he continued driving the boat.

"Oh, oh, me first!" Kiba yelled, "I spy with my little eye something...gay."

"NEJI!" Everyone yelled at the same time (with the exception of Sasuke who didn't want to play and Neji because he believed he was not gay).

"I hate you all," Neji said.

"Okay, okay, my turn!" Naruto said, "I spy with my little eye something... puppety."

"What the hell does that mean?" Tenten asked.

"SOMETHING PUPPETY!" Naruto yelled.

"Kankuro," Gaara said.

"RIGHT! How did you know Gaara? You can't see anything," Naruto said.

"Because whenever someone descibes Kankuro they describe him as puppety," Gaara stated.

"Hey, Sasuke! Let's ask Kankuro to join us!" Lee said youthfully.

"No, we don't need a sissy who plays with dolls to be part of our pirate group," Sasuke stated as he ran Kankuro over.

"How about Temari? She's right ove-oh, never mind," Tenten said as she spotted Temari. She decided not to suggest adding Temari to the group when Sasuke ran her over as well.

"SASUKE! Temari could have really helped us!" Naruto complained.

"One sand sibling is enough! Look what we had to do to the one we have! We had to tie him up because he destroyed my rum barrel and fell off the ship! Imagine what would happen if two of them got together!" Sasuke shuddered at the thought of having to deal with two sand siblings.

"Hey, why are you guys in Konoha anyway, Gaara?" Shikamaru asked Gaara.

"Because I wanted to kill people but Temari and Kankuro wouldn't let me in the Sand Village, so I came here without them to kill people, but they must have followed me," Gaara said.

"Hey, look who's coming!" Kiba yelled as he looked over the edge of the ship.

Sasuke looked down and saw Hinata walking down the street. "HINATA!" he yelled down to her. She looked up and screamed at the sight in front of her. Sasuke was about to stop the boat so he didn't scare the girl away by getting closer, but Naruto who was walking over to the front of the ship to see who was there lost his balance on his wooden legs and fell into Sasuke who fell into the steering wheel which caused it to break.

"Oh god," Sasuke said.

"RUNAWAY PIRATE SHIP!" Naruto yelled as he got up and tried to run, only to fall on Gaara this time.

"Get off me or I'll kill you!" Gaara said.

Everyone else began running around like crazy on deck and Hinata just ran away, but the ship seemed to follow her everywhere.

"Hinata, I'll save you!" Kiba yelled as he jumped off the ship, grabbed Hinata, and jumped back on deck with her. He put her down and she looked at him and said, "T-T-Thanks K-Kiba-kun." She got up and looked at her new surroundings. Naruto was laying on top of Gaara and couldn't figure out how to get up with his wooden legs. Gaara was strapped to a chair and was threatening to kill Naruto. Shino was standing against the rail of the ship. Kiba was still next to her. Neji was wearing a skirt and was trying to strangle Lee and Tenten was trying to get Neji off of Lee. Shikamaru was sleeping and Chouji was eating chips.

"HINATA!" Sasuke yelled. Hinata looked over to Sasuke to see what he wanted. "While you're here you might as well put these on! Welcome aboard, matey!" Sasuke yelled as he threw her some pirate clothes. Hinata put them on over the clothes she was wearing. "What's going on?" She yelled to Sasuke when she was done.

"Well, right now we're on a runaway pirate ship because that baka Naruto broke the steering wheel," Sasuke said. Hinata just nodded her head to show she understood. Everyone continued screaming, until Naruto got up and yelled above everyone else, "LAND HOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"You baka, we're on land!" Sasuke yelled as he whacked Naruto in the back of the head.

"Oops, I mean WATER HOOOOOOOOOOO!" Naruto corrected himself.

The ship made a huge splash as it entered the water and stopped in the middle of the lake. (A/N Omg, 2 more minutes to New Years as I type this! YAY! Ok, on with the story) Everyone stopped running around on deck and they all cheered for the boat had stopped and was no longer on a rampage. (A/N sorry to interrupt again, but 1 MORE MINUTE!) They stopped suddenly when they all felt as if they were going down. That's when they realized that...

"THE BOAT IS SINKING!" Kiba yelled as he jumped off the ship with Hinata. (A/N HAPPY NEW YEARS!)

"MAN OVERBOARD!" Naruto yelled as he pushed Gaara, who was still tied to the chair, into the water and then dove in himself.

"Every man and woman for themselves!" Neji said as he pushed Lee out of the way and jumped overboard. Lee and Tenten both jumped over right after, as well as Shikamaru and Chouji. Shino soon jumped in as well. Sasuke then jumped in right before the entire ship sunk to the bottom of the lake.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Great job, Sasuke. You buy a ship that doesn't float on water.

"How was I supposed to kn-" Sasuke was cut off by Naruto screaming, "I CAN'T SWIM! SAVE ME!" as he pushed Sasuke's head underwater to keep him afloat.

Sasuke finally got his head above water and said, "Naruto, you baka, you're drowning me!"

"BETTER YOU THAN ME!" Naruto declared as he pushed Sasuke underwater again.

"Naruto, stop! It is unyouthful to drown people!" Lee said as he pulled Naruto off of Sasuke.

"NO! I'LL DROWN!" Naruto said. Sasuke stood up in the water and said, "You baka, we're in the shallow part right now at the edge of the lake. The water only goes knee high." Naruto stopped splashing around and stood up. "Oh, I see," he said as he walked onto land with everyone else.

"Great, now Itachi will find the treasure for sure!" Sasuke said as he sat down.

"Well where was the treasure supposed to be?" Chouji asked.

"Umm, I really don't know," Sasuke said.

"You didn't have a map?" Tenten asked.

"No," Sasuke said.

"WHAT KIND OF PIRATE DOESN'T HAVE A MAP TO THE TREASURE?" Kiba yelled.

"If you didn't have a map then where were you taking us?" Shikamaru asked.

"I was hoping we'd just find a map along the way. I wasn't really heading in a certain direction," Sasuke said.

Everyone groaned and they all just sat in silence for a while afterward. Then, Naruto broke the silence and said, "Has anyone seen Gaara?" Sure enough, they all noticed he wasn't there.

"OH MY GOD!" Tenten yelled, "Naruto, you threw him overboard while he couldn't see and was TIED TO A CHAIR!"

"Oh great, now his brother and sister are going to kill me for killing him!" Sasuke groaned.

"No, look! There he is! In the middle of the lake! Don't worry! I'll save you Gaara!" Naruto yelled as he leapt into the lake.

"Has he already forgotten he can't swim?" Kiba asked.

"What a baka," Shino replied.

"Just wait, in a few minutes he'll be yelling that he's drowning," Shikamaru said.

And of course, as Shikamaru said, Naruto started yelling, "I CAN'T SWIM! SOMEONE HELP ME!"

"S-So w-who's g-going to h-help h-him," Hinata asked. Everyone turned and faced Sasuke.

"Why me?" Sasuke asked.

"Because you're his teammate," Neji stated.

"Exactly, that's why I shouldn't have to do it! I already save his butt every day, I shouldn't have to save it again!" Sasuke yelled.

"I-I'll d-do it," Hinata announced. Everyone gasped in surprise at Hinata.

"No, Hinata. I have to protect you, so I'll go instead," Neji said. Neji jumped in the water and swam to Naruto.

"Naruto, I'm going to help you," Neji said.

"NOOOO! I'm too young to die!" Naruto yelled.

"Okay, never mind, I'm helping Gaara first," Neji announced as he swam over to a chair floating in the water with Gaara tied to it.

"Gaara I'm here to help you," Neji said.

"Stay away from me! I don't want to go near those Konoha freaks again!" Gaara yelled.

"But they have your teddy so if you go back to shore you can get your teddy back," Neji said.

"ONWARD TO LAND!" Gaara yelled. Neji grabbed a still screaming Naruto and threw him on Gaara so he could take them both back to shore in one trip.

"SWEET LAND!" Naruto yelled as they made it to shore and he jumped off Gaara and landed on his sweet land.

"Can someone untie me now?" Gaara asked.

"NO!" everyone yelled at the same time.

"Can I at least have my teddy bear back then?" Gaara asked. Sasuke wlaked over to where he dropped the bear and was a bout to pick it up when he saw a large red mark on the ground under the bear.

"ON MY GOD! It's the treasure! WE FOUND IT!" Sasuke said, "START DIGGING!"

With that everyone began didgging for the treasure with whatever they could find. Finally they hit the treasure chest and pulled it up so they could open it.

"Finally, the day is mine! I HAVE DEFEATED YOU ITACHI! Now lets see what's inside here," Sasuke said as he took a rock and used it to get the padlock off. Once it was off he opened the treasure chest and found a piece of paper.

"READ IT!" Naruto demanded.

"Give me my bear!" Gaara yelled.

"SHUT UP!" Everyone yelled at Gaara as Sasuke took the piece of paper out and began reading it.

"Dear Sasuke, if you are reading this then you are even dumber than you look, and you looked pretty dumb to start with. You suck. Ha ha. I don't. Ha ha. I was the one who was in the booth who told you of your so called past life and I hid this here to annoy you. Like I said, you suck. Ha ha. Also like I said, I don't. Ha ha. I must go now because my fangirls have found my hiding spot. I have more fangirls than you because you suck. Ha ha. I don't. Ha ha. Goodbye little foolish brother who sucks. Ha ha. With Love (But mostly with hate), Itachi," Sasuke read, "CURSE YOU ITACHI! YOU HAVE FOOLED ME YET AGAIN!"

"Damn straight I did!" Itachi yelled as he appeared in a tree above everyone.

"Itachi! I challenge you to a fight!" Sasuke yelled.

"I can't, I have to escape from my fangirls. If you want I'll pencil you in for an appointment tomorrow so we can discuss a day to fight," Itachi said.

"Okay, sure," Sasuke replied.

"Okay, how about 1:00? We'll have brunch. See ya then, foolish little brother." Itachi said as he ran off to escape his fangirls.

"Okay, now that our piratey quest is over, I want you all to leave and never let me see you again because you all annoy the hell out of me," Sasuke said. Everyone walked away to wherever they decided to go and carried on as if nothing had occured that day.

"Wait, someone untie me!" Gaara yelled. Sasuke untied him and threw him his bear.

"MR. FUZZY! Did that mean man hurt you?" Gaara asked as he walked home toward the Sand Village. Sasuke began walking home until he heard a voice behind him.

"HEY! YOU DIDN'T HURT MY SENSEI EMOTIONALLY AND PHYSICALLY!" Neji yelled.

"Oh well, do it yourself! I don't feel like it today," Sasuke replied as he walked home.

"NOOOOOO!" Neji yelled as he talked Sasuke outside of Sasuke's house.

"What is your problem? Sasuke yelled.

"DIE!" Neji yelled as he threw Sasuke into the river.

"AAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Sasuke yelled as he fell into the water.

"That should teach him to never break promises with me! Now, to go find Tenten..." Neji said as he walked away to destroy find Tenten and destroy Lee.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Sasuke appeared in his room.

As the narrator said Sasuke appeared in his room on the floor.

"Why did you help me?" Sasuke asked, confused.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Becaue if you die I can't finish finding out if you're insane or not and I wouldn't get to gloat in your face because this tip was right too. That's 10 out of 10! Oh yeah!

"I'm going to bed. Leave me alone," Sasuke said as he went to sleep.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: 10 out of 10! Oh yeah! That's 20 of them right so far! Oh yeah! Only 40 left to go! 40 MORE!!!!!! And tomorrow is your brunch with Itachi! I can;t wait to cause chaos! MWAHAHAHAHA!

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Yay! This is by far my longest chapter yet! I think this is my favorite chapter so far too because it gets a lot of the characters involved. I hope you all liked it! Happy New Years!

Pooh Bear Is My Hero


	12. Sasuke's Been Abducted By Aliens!

1Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto!!!! Or Invader Zim...

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**Number Eleven**

**You Know You Are Insane If You Think Aliens Abducted You Because You Are The Most Superior Human In Existance**

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Sasuke actually woke up early today to get ready to meet with his brother for brunch.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: I thought you wanted to kill your brother?

"We're going to try and mend our relationship today," Sasuke said as he went to his door and prepared to take the elevator in the apartment house downstairs.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: WAIT! I haven't tortured you in a while! Sasuke went to the roof and jumped off to get to the ground.

As the narrator said, Sasuke took the elevator to the top of the building, which was 25 stories up to be exact. He then jumped off with his arms spread and prepared to meet his doom at the bottom. Sasuke screamed in terror until his stomach collided with a flag post. The flag post broke a second later and he continued tumbling down to his demise. Instead of landing in the ground, he landed in a tree...with squirrels. The squirrels all stared at him, thinking his head looked like a nut for them to eat. So, the squirrels swarmed Sasuke, who screamed for help.

"POOH BEAR! I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING YET! HELP ME!" Sasuke screamed. "OWW! THAT'S MY HAIR!" he screamed as one squirrel tore out a bit of Sasuke's hair.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: AHAHAHAHAHA! THIS IS PRICELESS! I would send this in to America's Funniest Home Videos, but the rules state that no one can be harmed in the making of the movie. Dammit. But at least I can send a copy of this to everyone in Konoha!

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" sasuke screamed as he and the squirrels fell out of the tree and tumbled to the ground, where they continued beating him senseless. Finally, the squirrels left him alone. When Sasuke got up he had bald spots all over his head and a small bit of his ear was torn, and he had cuts all over his face and the rest of his body.

"NOOOOOOO! MY BEAUTIFUL FACE! I HATE YOU POOH BEAR!" Sasuke screamed, "YOU HEAR ME? HATE YOU!"

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: If you're mad, you'll get glad, and if not, manic aliens will abduct you and do experiments on you.

As the narrator said, a giant spaceship came out and whacked Sasuke in the head with a giant hammer, putting him into a coma. Sasuke was then lifted into the space ship, which flew away.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Oh, I've GOT to see this!

Sasuke awoke a few hours later to see a giant green thing with giant redish eyes staring at him, with a little robot with little green eyes standing next to the green thing.

"HELLO!" the green thing said, "I AM INVADER ZIM!" (I used to love that show!)

"Umm...hi?" Sasuke asked.

"I'm GIR!" the little robot announced as it started jumping on Sasuke's face.

"OWW! GET OFF ME! THAT HURTS!" Sasuke sais as he tried to get up, but he failed, for he was tied to a stretcher.

"You aren't going anywhere, human," the one known as Zim said.

"I was abducted because I am superior to everyone else on earth, right?" Sasuke asked.

"Umm...sure, whatever. Anyway, you are here so I can examine your brain and find out what the weakness of the humans are so I can bring DOOM upon them! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!" Zim laughed maniacally.

"I'M GONNA SING THE DOOM SONG NOW!" Gir yelled as he jumped on Sasuke's stomach. "Doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom DOOM! DOOM DOOM DOOM doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom dooooooooooooom, doom doom doom DOOOOOOOOOM! Doom doom doom doomy doomy doom doom doom doom doomy doomy doom DOOM! Doomy doomy doom, doom!" Gir sang as he jumped from Sasuke's stomach to Zim's head to Sasuke's head again, where he did the riverstomp.

"OWW! CUT IT OUT!" Sasuke threatened.

"DOOMY DOOMY DOOM! DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! Doom doom doom the end. Ooh, what's that?" Gir finished and asked as he opened Sasuke's eyelids wider than a normal person's eyelids should be opened. Gir then poked Sasuke's eye with his metal robotic index finger. Hard.

"AAAAHHHHHHHH! MY EYE!" Sasuke yelled.

"Did someone say EYE?" Gai yelled as he ran into the room, "HEIMLICH MANEUVER!" Gai ran over to Sasuke who was currently being poked in the eye repeatedly by Gir and did the heimlich maneuver on Sasuke, even though he was tied to the stretcher. This caused Sasuke to be pushed into the stretcher, hard, many, many times.

"OWWW! STOP! HOW THE HELL DID YOU EVEN GET IN HERE? YOU AREN'T SUPERIOR LIKE ME! OWWW!" Sasuke yelled.

"YOU! WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT ESCAPING FROM YOUR CELL!" Zim yelled. Gai let go of Sasuke and saluted to Zim before returning to his cell.

"Ugh, why, of all the people, did I choose to abduct HIM!" Zim asked no one in particular, referring to Gai.

"Because he looked like a normal human and you said this one didn't!" Gir replied.

"Ugh, thank you Gir," Zim said through gritted teeth. He was growing quite impatient with his little robotic friend, "Anyway, it is time to remove your brain and observe it, human. MWAHAHAHAHAHA!" Gir listened to his master laugh and then chimed in as well, "AHAHA! AHAHA! AHAHA! AHAHA!" Zim soon stopped but Gir continued. "GIR! We are done laughing maniacally now, so let's remove his brain!" Zim yelled. Gir stopped laughing and yelled, "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" "GIR! WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT UP SO I CAN REMOVE HIS BRAIN!" Zim yelled. Gir shut up and watched his master.

"YOU CAN'T REMOVE MY BRAIN! I NEED IT FOR THINKING!" Sasuke yelled.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: You have a brain? WHY THE HELL DON'T YOU EVER USE IT?

"Yes, I have a brain! How would I be so smart if I didn't?" Sasuke asked as Zim and Gir stared at him like he was crazy.

"NEW PLAN! We don't remove the human's brain because he's insane, so we'll remove the brain of the human in the green clingy clothing!" Zim announced, referring to Gai.

"WHAT? HOW THE HELL IS GAI LESS INSANE THAN ME?" Sasuke screamed.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Everyone is less insane than you. You just don't realize it because that's how insane you are. Your newfound insanity is really very tragic, but who cares! IT'S FREAKING HILARIOUS! AHAHAHAHA!

"Oh god. Words don't describe how much I hate you, Pooh Bear," Sasuke said.

"What are we going to do with him then?" Gir asked Zim as he pointed to Sasuke.

"Well, we can't let him live, because he'll give away our identity. So he must DIE! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Zim laughed maniacally.

"AHAHA! AHAHA! AHAHA! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-" "ENOUGH LAUGHING GIR! Go dispose of the human," Zim commanded. Gir saluted his master and untied Sasuke from the stretcher and dragged him away by his hair that still had bald spots from the squirrel encounter earlier.

"Oww. OWW! OOOWWWWWW GODDAMMIT! Can't you pull a little softe-OOWWWW!" Sasuke screamed as Gir pulled him across large bumps in the floor.

"I'm bored. I'M GONNA SING THE DOOM SONG NOW!" Gir announced.

"Oh god no," Sasuke groaned, "OOOWWWWW!"

"Doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom DOOM! DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM DOOM DOOM doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom DOOM DOOM DOOM! DOOOOOOOOOOOOOM doom doom doom doom doom doom! Doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom DOOM! DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM DOOM DOOM doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom DOOM DOOM DOOM! DOOOOOOOOOOOOOM doom doom doom doom doom doom! Doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom DOOM! DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM DOOM DOOM doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom DOOM DOOM DOOM! DOOOOOOOOOOOOOM doom doom doom doom doom doom!" Gir sang as loudly as he could right in Sasuke's ear, causing his ears to bleed.

"Oh god save me!" Sasuke begged.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: YAY! I LOVE THE DOOM SONG! I think I'll sing with you!

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" Sasuke screamed. as his ears bled even more.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero and Gir: Doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom DOOM! DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM DOOM DOOM doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom DOOM DOOM DOOM! DOOOOOOOOOOOOOM doom doom doom doom doom doom!Doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom DOOM! DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM DOOM DOOM doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom DOOM DOOM DOOM! DOOOOOOOOOOOOOM doom doom doom doom doom doom!

"Oh for the love of, SHUT UP!" Sasuke screeched.

"Doomy doomy doomy doom DOOM! Doom doom doom the end! Oh, what's that?" Gir asked a she pointed to a door that read, "Go here if you want to kill a human." Gir went in the door with Sasuke and Sasuke yelped in pain as Gir accidentaly banged his head into the door. "Ooh, what's what?" Gir asked as he pointed to the two doors in front of him. One read, "Go here if the human does not have bleeding ears." The other read "Go here if the human's ears are bleeding." Gir looked down at Sasuke. "AAAAAAAHAHAAAAAAAA! YOUR EARS ARE BLEEDING! I GO IN THIS DOOR OVER HERE!" Gir screeched as he pulled Sasuke into the door for humans that have bleeding ears. When inside everything was quiet, and Sasuke was thankful that the narrator nor Gir was talking. That was, he heard a loud crash that caused his ears to bleed even more. All he heard after that was a a huge roar of trumpets, drums, electric guitars, and other loud instruments playing together as loudly as they could. Sasuke screamed in agaony as they went through the room and Gir just whistled along to the tune they were playing. Finally when the were about three fourths of the way through the room, Sasuke couldn't hear anything anymore.

"YES!" Sasuke yelled, but he noticed he didn't hear himself say anything. All of the sudden Gir's face appeared in front of him. His lips started moving, but he didn't hear Gir say anything. That's when he realized...

"NOOOOOOOOO! I'M DEAF!" Sasuke screamed.

"You are deaf?" Gir asked, but Sasuke didn't hear him, "Okay then, I take you into the room that says "For humans who are deaf," rather than the room that says, "For humans who are not deaf yet."" Gir pulled Sasuke into the room and left Sasuke in the middle of the room. Sasuke didn't realize Gir let go of him because he was too busy screaming in attempt to hear what he was saying.

"RELEASE THE SQUIRRELS!" Gir yelled a he pushed a button that was at the end of the room marked squirrels. Gir walked out of the door, leaving Sasuke alone. Sasuke finally accepted the fact he was deaf and looked around for Gir. He was no where to be found, but what Sasuke did find was hundreds, no, _thousands, _of angry, rabid squirrels staring at him.

"H-Hello, squirrelies. Cure little squirrelies," Sasuke tried to say in the calmest voice he could. Since he was deaf, though, he ended up screaming in attempt to hear himself, making the squirrels very angry. So, the squirrels did what any other pack of rabid squirrels would do. That's right, they mauled Sasuke and then threw him out of the space ship, which was over 100 stories high.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: And they threw him out of the ship WITHOUT a parachute! GASP! And they didn't give him an inflight movie! DOUBLE GASP! And they didn't even say have a nice day! TRIPLE, no, QUADRUPLE BYPASS SURGERY GASP!

And so the squirrels removed the rest of Sasuke's hair in their fight with him and they removed a small chunk of his ear. Not like he needed it anymore, since he was deaf and all... And then they finally threw him through one of the walls of the ship and he fell down, down, down, down, DOWN to the ground!

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! SASUKE IS GOING TO DIE! MWAHAHAHAHA! DOWN HE FALLS, DOWN INTO THE DEEP, DARK PITS OF HELL! MWAHAHAHAHA!

Sasuke did not reply for he was deaf. All he did was scream as he fell.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: This is no fun if he can't hear me annoy him! Sasuke regained his hearing!

As Pooh Bear said, Sasuke did indeed regain his hearing, and when he heard how loud he was screaming, he yelped in pain for his ears were still sensitive.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: HA! YOU HURT YOUR OWN EARS! Now, you have to hear how I tortured you earlier. How did it go? OH, YES! I REMEMBER NOW! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! SASUKE IS GOING TO DIE! MWAHAHAHAHA! DOWN HE FALLS, DOWN INTO THE DEEP, DARK PITS OF HELL! MWAHAHAHAHA!

"Thank you for that," Sasuke said sarcastically.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Hehehe! Oh, you don't have a parachute. Well, can't have that now can we. I wish Sasuke had a parachute with-

No one could hear Pooh Bear anymore because Sasuke was screaming because a flock of birds was pecking at his now bald head. "AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH! THE BIRDS! THEY HURT!" Sasuke screamed. Suddenly a parachute bag appeared on Sasuke's back.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Teehee, use the parachute bag! Hehe...

Sasuke pulled the chord on the bag and instead of a parachute, out popped an anvil over Sasuke's head. (A/N Real nice creativity on my part)

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHH! I'M GOING TO BE CRUSHED!" Sasuke screamed.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: HAHA! YOU FELL FOR MY UNCREATIVE TRICK! You should watch more tv, The Acme Show uses this trick ALL the time! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Unfortunately, since it is above you, you won't get crushed until you hit the ground because according to physics, objects of different weights fall at the same speed. You know what? Screw physics, we never used it in here before, so WHY THE HELL START NOW? Just let the damn thing crush hit you in the head and crush your skull now.

As Pooh Bear said, the anvil ignored the laws of physics and slammed into Sasuke's head, who was knocked unconscious. He stayed unconscious until he landed in the river in Konoha, where the water awoke him and he crawled onto shore, all bloody and bruised.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Oooh, what happened to you?

"What happened to me? WHAT HAPPENED TO ME?" Sasuke screamed.

"Pooh Bear Is My Hero: That's what I asked you.

"All right, I'll tell you what happened to me. You sent rabid squirrels after me this morning, then I was abducted by a green alien and his obnoxious little robot! Then then the robot poked my eye and Gai gave me the heimlich maneuver. Then the robot dragged me across the floor of the ship and banged my head on everything it could find. Then it, along with you, drove me insane with that damn DOOM SONG! Then the robot makes me deaf and leaves me in a room with thousands of squirrels that attacked me and threw me through the wall of the ship and let me drop thousands of feet. Then I get attacked by birds and you give me a fake parachute with an anvil, so I get hit on the head with that. Then I fell in the river and here I am now!" Sasuke exclaimed.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Umm, I don't remember that.

"AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" Sasuke screamed as he ran through town and towards his house.

"Sasuke-kun!" Sasuke heard someone call out to him. "_Oh no, not," _"SAKURA!" Sasuke screamed, finishing his thoughts. When Sakura saw him she gasped. "SASUKE-KUN! NO! YOUR HAIR! YOU AREN'T HOT ANYMORE!" Sakura exclaimed as she pointed to his blad head and fainted. Of course, Naruto and the rest of the Rookie Nine and Gai's tem had to come up to him next, and of course, Naruto had to start laughing his ass off.

"AHAHAHAHAHA! SASUKE, YOU SHOULD BE HAPPY NOW! YOUR HEAD DOESN'T LOOK LIKE A CHICKEN'S BUTT! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Naruto screamed as he fell laughing on the ground next to Sakura who was unconscious.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: You know he's right. Your hair did look like a chicken's butt before. I'm going to cal you CHICKEN BUTT! YAY! AHAHAHAHAHA CHICKEN BUTT!

Sasuke was not amused, to say the least. If you didn't know him at all, you'd say he looked downright pissed. If you did know him at all, you'd say he looked downright pissed. If you knew him the way Pooh Bear knew him, you'd say he looked happier than he ever had before.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: I'm glad you're happy now, Sasuke! I knew I'd be able to cheer you up!

"I didn't need cheering up!" Sasuke complained.

"Sasuke," Kakashi began when he saw the condition his student was in, "Dare I ask what happened?"

"An alien and a little robot named Gir who sand an annoying song called the Doom Song kidnapped me to steal my brain because I am superior," Sasuke said.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: HA! YOU ADMITTED THAT ALIENS KIDNAPPED YOU! YOU ARE INSANE! HA HA! 11 out of 11! OH YEAH! I'M ON A ROLL, BABY!

"OOOHHHHH! I KNWO THE DOOM SONG! Doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom DOOM! DOOOOOOOOOM DOOM DOOM! Doom, doom doom doom doom doom doom doom dooooooooooooom doom doom doom DOOOOOOOOOOOM! Doomy doomy doom doom doomy doomy doom doo-" "BAKA! SHUT UP!" Kiba yelled as he interrupted Naruto and whacked him over the head, knocking him unconscious.

"Sasuke...are you sure you're okay?" Kakashi asked hesitantly.

"YES! IT REALLY HAPPENED!" Sasuke said. It was then that Sasuke noticed Gai come up next to Kakashi. "GAI! GAI WAS THERE TOO!" Sasuke exclaimed.

"What happened?" Gai asked youthfully.

"Sasuke claims that both of you were abducted by aliens," Kakashi said in abored tone.

"I don't recall such an event happening..." Gai said thoughtfully. Sasuke's mouth practically dropped to the floor. Sasuke would ahve made an argument, but he knew it wouldn't be worth the toruble, so he just walked away to his house.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Please, do you really think the aliens were dumb enough to let Gai go without erasing his memory?

"Wait, I thought you said you didn't remember?" Sasuke asked.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: I lied.

"I should have known. Why didn't they erase my memory?" Sasuke asked.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Because they knew you were insane and they knew no one would believe you.

"Ugh, whatever. I need to go get changed because I have to meet Itachi in one hour. Please, just leave me alone while I meet Itahci? I beg of you, please?" Sasuke begged.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Sure, sure, whatever. But just so you know, that's 11 out of 11 tips right! 39 more to go! Hehe!

"Ugh, great," Sasuke groaned as he went into his apartment and took a quick shower and got dressed.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Tch, like I'm going to leave him alone when he goes to meet Itachi. This is going to be too good to pass up! I just read the next tip and I have the perfect idea for how to prove it applies to Sasuke...Mwahahahahaha, I knew today would be a good day!

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Preview For Next Chapter

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_"Why are we doing this again?" Itachi asked as he knelt down next to Jiraiya_

_"Because, I'm paying you," Jiraiya shot back._

_"He doesn't pay for anything anyway. He's an S-class criminal," Sasuke stated as he knelt down on the other side of Jiraiya._

_"Just shut up and look into that little hole there," Jiraiya stated as he looked into the hole in front of him and giggled. Itachi and Sasuke did as they were told and looked in. Suddenly, all three yelped in pain as they felt something poke their eyes._

_"PERVERTS!" The women standing on the other side of the wall screamed as they walked away._

_"Ah, MY EYE!" Sasuke screamed._

_"DID SOMEONE SAY EYE? HEIMLICH MANEUVER!" Gai yelled as he smashed through the wall right in front of Sasuke, crushing Sasuke under the debris._

_"Gai, WHY THE HELL WERE YOU IN THE WOMEN'S BATHS? Imagine how traumatized these boys would be if they had seen you!" Jiraiya yelled._

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Yay! I put a preview up! I'm on a roll today! This is the third story I've updated today! I'm so proud of myself! Anyway, I'm not going to give a specific date for when the next chapter will be up because I am never able to post by that date. Anyway, how did you like this chapter? It was very random, I know, but I wanted to torture Sasuke a lot more because he didn't get tortured that much the last chapter. Anyway, please let me know what you think!

Pooh Bear Is My Hero


	13. Sakura's Leaving For Who?

1Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto!

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**Number Twelve**

**You Know You Are Insane If The Girl Who Loves You Falls Out Of Love With You And Falls In Love With Your Homicidal Brother**

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Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Wow, you've got to be pretty insane for someone to love a killing machine over you. Although I could see why they would pick Itachi over you. After all he isn't insane and he is much cuter than you.

"Please, what girl that loves me would choose my brother over me?" Sasuke asked as he got changed to meet Itachi.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: I guess that girl in your case would be Sakura. She should go with Itachi, they'd be so cute together.

"Umm, no. If Sakura went with Itachi I would kill him for taking her," Sasuke said.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: That would prove you're insane if Sakura went with Itachi! I thought you already wanted to kill him anyway?

"I explained this earlier before I was abducted by aliens, we are trying to mend our relationship. Now I have to go meet Itachi," Sasuke said as he ran out the door toward the restaurant where he and Itachi were meeting.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Oh, THIS should be good.

Sasuke ran and ran until he finally reached the restaurant. He walked inside to find his brother sitting in his Akatsuki cloak and straw hat with a cup of coffee.

"You're late," Itachi said simply as he glanced at his brother.

"Sorry, I was abducted by aliens, and then the voice that controls my life was being extra annoying today," Sasuke said as Itachi stared at him like he was insane.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: I AM NOT ANNOYING! You wouldn't get ANYWHERE without ME!

Sasuke just grunted in response to the narrator.

"Aliens?" Itachi finally asked.

"YES! They were going to steal my brain but they decided not to and then they poked my eye and Gai gave me the heimlich maneuver and then they dragged me away to be attacked by the rabid squirrels and then, worst of all, they sang the DOOM SONG!" Sasuke yelled. Suddenly, Itachi perked up a bit as Sasuke had caught his interest.

"Doom Song?" Itachi asked in an emotionless voice.

"Yeah, you know, it goes doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom DOOM! DOOM DOOM DOOM! Doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doooooooooooom, doom doom doom doom! DOOM! Doomy doomy doom doom doom doom doomy doomy doom. Doom doom doom the end," Sasuke sang for Itachi, "Isn't it really annoying?"

"Hn," was the only response Sasuke got. "_That would make a good theme song for the Akatsuki. I'll have to ask Leader about it since he's been asking us to come up with a good theme song," _Itachi thought.

"HEY! Sasuke and guy who I don't recognize!" the Uchiha brothers heard a perverted man known as Jiraiya call out. They looked over and saw Jiraiya run over to them.

"Who's your friend, Sasuke?" Jiraiya asked with a toothy grin.

"Uchiha Itachi," Itachi stated as he put his hand out for Jiraiya to shake. Jiraiya took his hand and shook it.

"Well, I came over here because Kakashi told me that Sasuke doesn't appreciate the wonders of porn, so I am here to teach him otherwise. Come with me you two!" Jiraiya yelled as he pulled Itachi and Sasuke away without giving them a chance to reply. Finally Jiraya got to where he wanted to take them and knelt down next to a large wooden fence with a few holes in the side.

"What you are going to do is help me research for my upcoming book: _Icha Icha Paradise Gone Wild. _Got it?" Jiraiya asked as he motioned for Sasuke and Itahci to sit next to him and look in the holes.

"Why are we doing this again?" Itachi asked as he knelt down next to Jiraiya

"Because, I'm paying you," Jiraiya shot back.

"He doesn't pay for anything anyway. He's an S-class criminal," Sasuke stated as he knelt down on the other side of Jiraiya.

"Just shut up and look into that little hole there," Jiraiya stated as he looked into the hole in front of him and giggled. Itachi and Sasuke did as they were told and looked in. Suddenly, all three yelped in pain as they felt something poke their eyes.

"PERVERTS!" The women standing on the other side of the wall screamed as they walked away.

"Ah, MY EYE!" Sasuke screamed.

"DID SOMEONE SAY EYE? HEIMLICH MANEUVER!" Gai yelled as he smashed through the wall right in front of Sasuke, crushing Sasuke under the debris.

"Gai, WHY THE HELL WERE YOU IN THE WOMEN'S BATHS? Imagine how traumatized these boys would be if they had seen you!" Jiraiya yelled.

"I DID SEE HIM! WHY THE HELL DID YOU THINK I COVERED MY EYES AND STARTED SCREAMING! I would have rather been poked in the eye by those girls! OOOOOOOWWWWWWW!" Sasuke screamed as Gai gave him the Heimlich Maneuver for the second time today (the first being yesterday on the spaceship).

"I'LL SAVE YOU SASUKE!" Gai screamed as he did the heimlich maneuver even harder and then threw Sasuke into a wall. Itachi and Jiraiya just watched in amusement.

"MY WORK HERE IS DONE! Super Gai, AWAAAAAAAAY!" Gai yelled as he ran down the street and attempted to fly off of the cliff where Sasuke ahd once attempted to fly. After a few minutes Sasuke was finally able to get up. Jiraiya then grabbed Sasuke and Itachi and pulled them away to their next destination.

"Where are we?" Sasuke asked.

"Another bath," Jiraiya said as he giggled.

"Nuh-uh, no way am I looking in there again! Knowing my luck, Sakura or Ino will be in there. I've been through enough torture today! I was abducted by aliens, given the heimlich maneuver twice by Gai, attacked by rabid squirrels, and verbally abused by the voice that controls my life.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: I DO NOT VERBALLY ASSAULT YOU!

"DO TO!" Sasuke yelled as he pointed at the sky. Jiraiya and Itachi just stared at Sasuke as if he was crazy.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: NO YOU!

"NO ME? NO YOU!" Sasuke declared.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: NO YOU!

"NO YOU!" Sasuke yelled.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: NO YOU!

"NO YOU!" Sasuke yelled again. Unfortunately for Sasuke, Sakura was walking by and heard him screaming to the sky. She wlaked over next to Itahci and Jiraiya and asked, "What;s going on with Sasuke?"

"He's having a no you fight with himself," Itahci stated. Sakura looked at Itachi and said, "You seem familiar. Do I know you? I'm Sakura Haruno, by the way." Itachi immediately recognized the name when he heard it and said, "Yes, I knew you a while ago when you and my brother first entered the academy."

"Brother?" Sakura asked. She looked at Sasuke and finally put two and two together and said,"You mean...you're Sasuke's..." "Brother. Uchiha Itachi," Itachi finished for her. Sakura looked at him and said, "You don't seem like a cold-blodded killer."

"That's because I'm not. I only kill those that I am forced to, and I only killed my family because I wanted to test my strength. Plus, they were suffocating me. They wanted me to be someone I wasn't," Itachi said/ Sakura nodded her head and said, "I know what you mean, Uchiha Itachi." "Please," Itachi began, "Just call me Itachi, Sakura." Saklura smiled and nodded her head and continued watching while Sasuke had a no you fight with what seemed to be himself.

"NO YOU!" Sasuke yelled.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: NO YOU! An anvil fell on Sasuke!

As Pooh Bear said, an anvil fell on Sasuke's head and he fell over. However, he still managed to say, "No...you," Before collapsiing entirely on the ground, unconscious. While all of this was happening, Sakura and Itahci got to talking and they quietly left Sasuke and Jiraiya in the midst of Sasuke's fight. When Sasuke woke up, it was around 5:00 he found out. Jiraiya and Itachi had left, he noticed.

"_Great, now I'll never have a good relationship with my brother. Oh well, I guess I'll just have to go back to trying to kill him," _Sasuke decided. As he got up, he noticed a piece of paper on the ground. He picked it up and read it.

_Sasuke,_

_I knwo this is very sudden, but I am leaving Konoha. I have left Naruto, Kakashi-sensei, and Tsunade a letter as well to inform them, so you do not have to tell them. I am leaving to go to Akatsuki with Itachi. You see, after learning of your insanity, I realized I did not want to be with you because there was a huge chance you would become so insane you'd kill me, and I don't want that to happen. So, I met Itachi today and we found we have a lot in common. So, I have fled with him to Akatsuki and I am going to be thier medic from now on. Do not bother trying to get me back, not that you would. If anyone else tries to get me back, please don't let them. We are flying to the Main Base today and then you will never see me again. But, I guess that's what you wanted, right? Anyway, I just wanted to let you know what I was doing since you ARE my teammate, even if you are insane. Who would have thought the great Uchiha prodigy was insane?_

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: I KNOW HE WAS INSANE! I KNEW ALL ALONG!

Sasuke just glared at the sky and continued to read.

_Well, since this is goodbye and we will never see each other again, I feel I should tell you everything I thoughand he looked like t of you. Personally, I thought you were extremely cute, which was the ONLY reason I loved you. I didn't love you for anything but your looks, as shallow as it sounds, but at least I'm being honest. However, now, I'm starting to realize you're not even that good looking. Your hair actually looks like a Chicken Butt, if you think about it._

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: IT'S TRUE! YOU DO HAVE CHICKEN BUTT HAIR! CHICKEN BUTT! CHICKEN BUTT! HAHAHA!

Sasuke just rolled his eyes and continued to read.

_Also, you had a horrible personality. You were such an arrogant bastard, and you were mean to people for no reason. And would it have killed you to actually say something besides 'hn' just ONCE? Who gave you a right to call me annoying? You were the most annoying one on the team, half the time. I just didn't notice then because I was too smitten with you. Anyways, like I said, this is my farewell letter. I'm leaving you to go with you brother Itachi. I love him, Sasuke, more than you could ever imagine._

Sasuke's eyed practically popped out of his head when he read this, and somehow Gai knew Sasuke was in trouble, so he came crashing through the building's wall next to Sasuke and yelled, "SUPER GAI IS HERE TO SAVE THE DAY! Even if he is wearing a full body cast!" Gai couldn't move his arms at all, and he looked like a zombie the way he was standing. Gai wobbled over to Sasuke and tackled him in attempt to give him the heimlich maneuver. Sasuke fell on the gorund, letter in hand, and Gai fell on top of him, crushing Sasuke. Sasuke was finally able to push Gai off of him and he walked to the end of the alley and continued to read the letter.

_So, I bid you farewell, Sasuke, for I shall most likely never see you again for I love your brother now._

_Your ex-fangirl, Haruno Sakura_

"WHAT?!?! HOW THE HELL CAN SHE LOVE ITACHI OVER ME?" Sasuke screamed.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: What? She loves Itachi more than you now? YES! THAT'S 12 OUT OF 12 TIPS RIGHT! HAHA! YOU'RE INSANE! OH YEAH! YOU'RE INSANE! YES!

"I DON'T HAVE TIME TO DEAL WITH YOU! As much as Sakura annoys me, I can't lether go with Itahci and ruin her life. I HAVETO SAVE HER! Super Sasuke, away!" Sasuke yelled as he put his arms out in front of him and ran down the street toward the airport, pretending to fly.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Wow, you've been around Gai too long. Ah, who cares, it just makes you more insane! Ooh, watch out for that bus!

With that Sasuke ran straight into a bus, trying to stop it with his super-human strength he didn't have, and got run over. So, instead of flying to the ariport, Sasuke came back to his senses (when did he ever have them?) and limped to the airpot.

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_Preview for the Next Chapter_

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_"Hey! Hey you!" Sasuke yelled to the pilot of the plane from the top of the staircase he was riding on, "STOP!" Sasuke took his shoe off and threw it at the windshield. The shoe collided with the windsheild and bounced off, hitting Sasuke in the head._

_"OOOWW!" Sasuke yelled as he fell off the flight of stairs. He grabbed onto the edge and attempted to get himeself back up, which he eventually did. He watched looked up and saw the pilot of the plane was staring at him, so he started yelling and motioning for the pilot to pull over._

_"Control one nine, some idiot's hijacked a flight of stairs. We're pulling over," the pilot said as he watched Sasuke waving from the top of the flight of airplane stairs he stole. With that, the plane slowed down until it came to a stop and Sasuke started clapping and cheering. He didn't notice the truck of luggage crossing his path until the flight of stairs he hijacked collided with it and he was flung into the air._

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Whoo! Another chapter done! Next one will be the next part of Sasuke's chase after Sakura. Will he get her back, or will she stay with Itachi? YOU DECIDE! Would you rather have Sakura

a) stay with the insane Sasuke which will make Sasuke happy

or

b) stay with Itachi and make Sasuke even more insane

Anyways, please let me know what you think of this chapter! It was basically just a set up for the next chapter, so it isn't that funny in my opinion. Please review and tell me if you like it!

_Pooh Bear Is My Hero_


	14. Pull The Plane Over!

1Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, for if I did Lee and Tenten would be a couple, Kiba and Hinata would be a couple, and Itachi and Sakura would be a couple. And, of course, this entire story would happen on the show and Sasuke would go to a mental home forever.

Sasuke: I hate you.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Then I am doing my job! YAY! Onto the next chapter! In a minute, that is. First, we must thank all of our sponsors!

Sasuke: You mean reviewers.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: DON'T QUESTION MY AUTHORITY OR YOU WILL GET HIT BY A FLYING GARBAGE TRUCK!

A garbage truck flies out of the fly and hits Sasuke

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: See what I mean? I hope you aren't dead, I need you in this chapter! Anyway, thanks to all of the following sponsors, or reviewers, as Sasuke likes to call them. Seriously, what is this reviewer you speak of Sasuke?

**Rabid Wolf Ninja, xx.lost.heaven.xx, R e c R a p t o r, Sarafina the Ninja Goddess, Hinata'sbf, Hillarious Tragedy, Blue Tiger-chan, KKCoolGirl, Mexicanchica, SakuraChic, MsDandelion-chan, Zamsha, **and **AngelGirl18647, **thanks for reviewing, as Sasuke calls it. Also, thanks to our anonymous reviewers who are anonymous!

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**Number Thirteen**

**You Know You Are Insane If You Are Arrested For Hijacking A Flight Of Stairs**

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Finally, Sasuke was able to limp all the way to the airport.

"How am I supposed to find out if the flight has left yet?" Sasuke asked.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Go ask that man checking the luggage if the flight to Akatsuki base is loaded yet.

"There isn't a specific flight to Akatsuki base!" Sasuke said, "Akatsuki base is in a secret area, there wouldn't be a flgith straight to there!"

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Shows how much you know! In order to make more money, Tobi decided to start giving tours around the base, which is why there is a flight directly to their base.

"WHY WASN'T I INFORMED? I COULD HAVE KILLED MY BROTHER QUICKER THEN!" Sasuke yelled.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: You didn't ask.

"Ugh, whatever. SIR! Can you tell me if the flight to Akatsuki base has left yet?" Sasuke asked.

"It's about to take off. They just finished boarding, you'll never make it in time to board!" the man told Sasuke. Sasuke could have gone home and given up, or he could have even killed himself right there. But, no, Sasuke had to do the hard thing and chase after Sakura. Sasuke hid himself inside a bag of luggage when the man wasn't looking so he would be taken to the runway and he wouldn't have to deal with going through all of the police and guards in the lobby. Finally, he opened his bag a bit and saw he was on the runway. He pushed the bag was in off the luggage cart it was on and when he landed on the ground, he unzipped the bag and got out. He looked around for someone to help him and found a mechanic.

"SIR! Which flight is to Akatsuki base?" Sasuke asked quickly.

"That one right over there, number 66," the mechanic said. Sasuke quickly ran toward the plane but saw it was going down the runway already. So, Sasuke did the first thing he could think of. He jumped on a flight of airplane stairs and drove it toward the plane. When put the flight of stairs on turbo so it would be able to keep up with the plane. When he was going about the same speed as the plane, he pushed the button that stretched the stairs up as high as they go. Then, he climbed up them, being careful not to fall off, and when he reached the top he was able to look in the windows as he passed them.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Are you some kind of idiot? Airplane stairs aren't meant to go that fast. Either you won't be able to stop or it will blow up eventually!

"I DON'T CARE! I NEED TO GET SAKURA BACK! OWWW! WHAT IS THIS?" Sasuke screamed as he pulled something off his face.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Looks like someone decided to throw their baby's dirty diaper out the window instead of putting it in a trash can, AHAHAHAHAHAHA! And it landed on your face! PRICELESS!

"EEWWWW!" Sasuke yelled as he threw the dirty diaper on the ground. Sasuke figured he'd clean himself later and looked in the first window for Sakura. All he saw was an elderly lady and man. The woman looked over ans Sasuke saw her scream, although he couldn't hear her for the plane was making too much noise. The man looked over at the window when she pointed to it, and he threw his drink in the air, which landed on the woman's head. Sasuke watched a bit as the woman hit the man, and looked away as he reached the next window. He got the same reaction from the people this time, as well. He figured it was probably because his face was really messed up looking because of the intense speed he was moving. He looked from window to window, getting the same reaction from everyone. One person even managed to get their window open and punch him in the face. "PERVERT!" she yelled as she closed the window again. Sasuke glared at her and decided one day she would die, just like his brother. He continued onward until he finally found...

"SAKURA!" he yelled. Of course, she couldn't hear him because the sound of the plane drowned him out. So, he kept screaming and screaming hoping that eventually she would look his way. He watched as inside her head was turned away from him to talk to his brother. While his brother was talking to her, he eventually noticed Sasuke in the window and Sasuke watched as he pointed to the window. Sakura turned around to look out the window and jumped in her seat and grabbed her heart in fear of a heart attack. She looked back at Sasuke and yelled, "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?" Of course, he didn't hear her, so she opened the window and asked him again.

"I'M TRYING TO STOP YOU FROM RUINING YOUR LIFE!" he yelled back to her. He saw his brother roll his eyes at him, and so Sasuke glared back at Itachi. Sakura rolled her eyes as well and responded, "I know what I'm doing! I love Itachi!"

"WHAT?" Sasuke yelled.

"YOU HEARD ME!" Sakura yelled, losing her patience.

"NO I DIDN'T! THE PLANE DROWNED YOU OUT!" Sasuke yelled.

Sakura sighed, and reiterated, "I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING! I LOVE ITACHI!"

"HOW CAN YOU LOVE HIM?" Sasuke asked.

"I CAN LOVE WHOEVER I WANT SASUKE!" Sakura yelled, "NOW PLEASE JUST GO AWAY AND LEAVE US ALONE!" She closed ther window, but not without throwing the airplane food she got at Sasuke.

"Eww, this stuff tastes horrible," Sasuke complained as he whiped the food off of his face, "NOOO! IT GOT IN MY HAIR!"

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: That;s what you get for trying to destroy Sakura and Itachi's love!

"I need to stop her! SUPER SASUKE, AWAAAAAAAAY!" Sasuke yelled. With that he went back to the controls of the flight of stairs he stole and adjusted the speed of the stairs so they went as fast as they could.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Are you some kind of idiot? I already told you, you won't be able to stop now! Airplane stairs aren't meant to go that fast!

"SHUT UP!" Sasuke yelled as he climbed back up to the top of the stairs.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Oh, so that's how it's gonna be? After all I've done for you, you're just going to tell me to shut up like that? That's it, I'm not going to try to warn you when you do something stupid from now on. I'm really going to enjoy either watching you crash or blow up now.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Sasuke said as he ducked under the wing of the plane the stairs were going under. Eventually, he made it to the front of the plane near the cockpit.

"Hey! Hey you!" Sasuke yelled to the pilot of the plane from the top of the staircase he was riding on, "STOP!" Sasuke took his shoe off and threw it at the windshield. The shoe collided with the windshield and bounced off, hitting Sasuke in the head.

"OOOWW!" Sasuke yelled as he fell off the flight of stairs. He grabbed onto the edge and attempted to get himself back up, which he eventually did. He watched looked up and saw the pilot of the plane was staring at him, so he started yelling and motioning for the pilot to pull over.

"Control one nine, some idiot's hijacked a flight of stairs. We're pulling over," the pilot said as he watched Sasuke waving from the top of the flight of airplane stairs he stole. With that, the plane slowed down until it came to a stop and Sasuke started clapping and cheering. He didn't notice the truck of luggage crossing his path until the flight of stairs he hijacked collided with it and he was flung into the air.

Sasuke continued to fly through the air until he fell into the truck carrying all of the luggage.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: HA! What did I tell you!

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Several Hours Later

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Sasuke awoke to find himself on a stretcher with an ambulance behind him. He looked to his left and saw Sakura and Itachi glaring at him.

"HOW DENSE ARE YOU?" Sakura yelled, "WHAT KIND OF IDIOT HIJACKS A FLIGHT OF STAIRS?"

"I was trying to stop you from ruining your life," Sasuke said.

"Thanks for worrying about me, Sasuke, but I know what I'm doing."

"Sakura, you can't go with him. Please, just stay here in Konoha."

"Since when do you care what I do?" Sakura snapped. Sasuke thought about it for a second, for he really didn't have an answer to that.

"Because I love you," he finally said, "Wait, no, what am I saying? I don't love you!"

"You just don't want me to have her," Itachi concluded.

"EXACTLY!" Sasuke yelled as he lifted his arm up, "OWW! MY ARM!"

"Ugh, you should know what most of your bones are broken and your body is really bruised and damaged," Sakura told him.

"We won't be taking you to the police station until tomorrow when you get out of the hospital," the police officer said.

"POLICE STATION? Why do I have to go there?" Sasuke yelled.

"Your're being arrested for illegal use of airplane stairs, distracting the pilot while he is controlling the plane, putting the lives of innocent people on the plane in danger, and last but not least, for hijacking a flight of stairs," the police informed Sasuke, "We could let you off with a fine, but I just don't like you very much."

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: AHAHAHAHA! That's 13 out of 13! You're being arrested for hijacking a flight of stairs! YES! 13 out of 13! What a great day it is!

All Sasuke could do was groan as he was lifted into the ambulance. Before the doors were closed, Sakura looked in and said, "Goodbye Sasuke. Say goodbye to Kakashi-sensei and Naruto for me, because I don't have time to go back againa dn say goodbye for our flight is leaving in a half hour."

"Bye foolish and insane little brother," Itachi said as the medics closed the doors to the ambulance and drugged Sasuke so he wouldn't feel anymore pain.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: I can tell tomorrow is going to be a good day!

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_Preview For Next Chapter_

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_"STAY AWAY FROM ME YOU FIEND!" Sasuke screamed as he backed up against the wall._

_"I'm only trying to help you," the 'fiend' said as he came closer to Sasuke._

_"STAY AWAY FROM ME YOU STALKER!" Sasuke yelled._

_"That's just the hunger talking, have some of these!" the so called stalker said as he threw some french fries at Sasuke. However, what he didn't know was that Sasuke was deathly affraid of french fries._

_"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! THE FRIES! THEY ARE GOING TO DEVOUR ME!" Sasuke yelled._

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YAY! Another chapter done! Sakura left for Itachi because that's what most people wanted her to do, but she will be back for a visit sometime in the near future, along with Itachi. I even managed to get a preview for the next chapter up! Yay me! Sorry it took so long to update, but I've been busy with school and today I took the day off cause I'm sick. I feel horrible but at least I was able to update. I may get another chapter up today because for some reason writing seems to make me feel a bit better. Hope you liked the chapter! Please review and tell me what you thought, or even give me an idea for another chapter!

Pooh Bear Is My Hero


	15. Ronald And An Idea For A New Story

1Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto!!!!!

Thanks to **Hillarious Tragedy** for the idea for this chapter!!!!

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**Number Fourteen:**

**You Know You Are Insane If You Are Scared Of Ronald McDonald For You Think He Is Stalking You**

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Pooh Bear Is My Hero: I can't believe the judge decided to let you go...

"Of course he would let me go! He is so nice and kind!" Sasuke yelled as he ran out of the courthouse and jumped around the steps, "It is such a beautiful and terrific and lovely day, don't you agree Pooh Bear?"

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Those drugs from the hospital haven't worn off yet, have they?

"LET'S GO TO MCDONALDS! YAY MCDONALDS!" Sasuke yelled as he ran through town to the nearest McDonalds, which happened to be 17.9 miles away.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Yep, drugs definately haven't worn off yet.

Sasuke ran and ran all the way to McDonalds, getting hit by a few cars and getting attacked by a few angry forest animals on the way. Not to mention one bad run-in with an Itachi fangirl. Finally, when Sasuke was about ten feet away from the restaurant, he froze in his spot and wouldn't go in.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Ugh, what is it NOW?

"T-That t-t-thing is here!" Sasuke yelled as he pointed to everyone's favorite clown, Ronald McDonald.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: What? All I see is a freakish clown!

"I can't go in there!" Sasuke screamed as he tried to make himself look invisible while the clown known as Ronald McDonald waved to him.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: And why, dare I ask, not?

"Because of...THAT day..." Sasuke said as he brought his hand to his chin thoughtfully.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Oh no, NOT A FLASHBACK! You can almost never get through an episode of Naruto without one, I was hoping we could get through this story without one!

"SHUT UP AND WATCH THE FLASHBACK!" Sasuke yelled, "Just try to be quiet because I have to narrate it!"

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Why don't I narra-

"NO!" Sasuke yelled, "Now shut up so we can get on with the flashback."

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: But...POOH BEAR SCARED OF FLASHBACK!

"Ugh, the quicker you shut up the quicker we get it done!" Sasuke yelled. Pooh Bear shut up and the flashback FINALLY began.

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Sasuke's Flashback (A/N _This _will be Sasuke talking and **_this _**will be what's happening in the flashback image)

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_I was only five years old. I was naive and young and...happy._

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: You? Happy? Never...

_SHUT UP! I'm trying to narrate, do you mind?_

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Sorry oh great narrator...

_That's better. Now, was I was saying, I was five years old. It was before my clan was killed. I had just entered the ninja academy, and our family was going out to McDonald's to celebrate._

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: -Yawns- Can we hurry it up here?

_SHUT UP! As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, we were going to McDonalds. In the images being shown, you can see me and my family walking into McDonalds._

_**The flashback showed a young Sasuke holding his older brother Itachi's hand as they walked across the street with thier mother and father to McDonalds.**_

_Now, we walked up to the front of McDonalds just as any other family did. It was a perfectly normal day, or so I thought._

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Save us the drama please and just GET TO THE POINT OF THIS DAMN FLASHBACK!

_ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT! Calm down. Anyways, I wlaked up to the fornt door, but was stopped by the clown known as RONALD MCDONALD! _

_**Dramatic music started playing in the flashback.**_

_Okay, enough music. Now, where was I. Oh, yeah, Ronald McDonald._

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: YOU BETTER HURRY UP AND END THIS THING IN FIVE MINUTES, OR SO HELP ME, I WILL TAKE EVERY DAMN CHICKEN NUGGET IN THAT MCDONALDS AND I WILL STUFF THEM ALL DOWN YOUR THROAT AND LAUGH AS I WATCH YOU CHOKE AND **DIE!**

_OKAY! JUST SHUT UP SO I CAN FINISH! Anyways, Ronald McDonald came up to me and he said..._

_**In the flashback that was playing, a young Sasuke was stopped by Ronald McDonald.**_

_**"Hello there, little boy! Would you like to try our new french fries!" Ronald asked. Sasuke nodded his head and Ronald McDonald shoved a bunch of french fries down Sasuke's throat.**_

_**"ENJOY!" Ronald McDonald said as he walked away. Sasuke tried to swallow, but he couldn't and he started trying to cough up the fires. His parents and brother didn't do anything for they thought he was just playing around. Sasuke then felt the fries burning his throat, for the were so hot, so he fell on the ground and he clutched his throat in pain. Hia parents and brother were already in McDonalds ordering their food, so they didn't see this happen. Someone happened to be wlaking by and he yelled, "THIS KID'S TRYING TO CHOKE HIMSELF!" People came rushing around Sasuke and they pulled his hands from his throat so he would stop 'choking himself.' One of those people happened to be Ronald McDonald, and the last thing Sasuke saw before he passed out was the grinning face of the clown.**_

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Back to Reality

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"And so that's what happened," Sasuke announced with a sigh.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: YAY! FLASHBACK GONE! Pooh Bear not scared anymore! Pooh Bear happy! Pooh Bear jump for joy!

"Oh yeah, it was just so horrible!" Sasuke yelled as he rolled his eyes, "HEY LOOK! A PENNY!" Sasuke ran to the penny, which happened to be on the ground in front of none other then...GASP! RONALD MCDONALD!

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Those drugs still haven't worn off yet? How much did they give you? And another thing...GASP! RONALD MCDONALD!

"PLEASE DON'T HURT ME!" Sasuke begged the clown.

"Are you hungry little boy?" Ronald McDonald asked. Sasuke just continued shaking in fear.

"I'll take that as a yes!" Ronald said, "Let me give you some food!"

"NOOOOOOOOOO!" Sasuke yelled as he got up and started running from the clown, but Ronald chased after Sasuke in order to feed the child.

"STAY AWAY BEAST!" Sasuke screamed as he tripped over a tree in the forest he just entered. Finally Ronald McDonald had caught up to him.

"STAY AWAY FROM ME YOU FIEND!" Sasuke screamed as he backed up against the tree.

"I'm only trying to help you," the 'fiend' said as he came closer to Sasuke.

"STAY AWAY FROM ME YOU STALKER!" Sasuke yelled.

"That's just the hunger talking, have some of these!" the so called stalker said as he threw some french fries at Sasuke. However, what he didn't know was that Sasuke was deathly affraid of french fries.

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! THE FRIES! THEY ARE GOING TO DEVOUR ME!" Sasuke yelled.

"FRIES CAN'T EAT YOU!" Ronald yelled as he went over and bent down next to Sasuke to help him.

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! GET AWAY!" Sasuke screamed as he attamepted to punch the clown in the face. However, because Ronald McDonald is secretly a ninja AND a samurai, he used his quick reflexes to punch Sasuke in the face.

"I'M SORRY! I DIDN'T MEAN TO!" Ronald yelled as he grabbed Sasuke and started shaking him violently in attempt to help Sasuke.

"AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" Sasuke screamed as he got out of the clown's grasp and ran and ran until he reached...yep, you guessed it, a golf course!

As Sasuke ran, Ronald McDonald ran over to a man who was playing golf and violently pushed him aside.

"I'm sorry sir, but I must catch that poor starving child!" Ronald yelled as he hit the golf ball perfectly. For you see, Ronald McDonald was not only the world's favorite clown, a ninja, and a samurai, but he was also a world champion golf player! Anyways, the ball flew with perfect aim towards Sasuke, until it collided with the back of Sasuke's head. Sasuke fell unconscious and he fell into the water hazard that he was just passing.

"GASP!" yelled Ronald McDonald (he did infact gasp instead of just gasping) as he ran towards Sasuke. Whe he reached the water hazard Sasuke fell in, he immediately jumped in and started searching for Sasuke. For you see, apart from being the world's favorite clown, a ninja, a samurai, and a world class golfer, he was also...yep, you guessed it, a CHAMPION SWIMMER!

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Let's make this interesting. A shark appeared in the water hazard, MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH -cough cough- Ahem. Where was I? Ah, yes, MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH okay, I'm done.

The shark did indeed appear in the water and it latched itself onto Sasuke's big head, trying to bite off Sasuke's head. Ronald McDonald quickly grabbed Sasuke's feet and the shark and Ronald quickly started a tug-of-war contest, using Sasuke as the rope. Finally, Ronald was able to pull Sasuke free, bit not before the shark bit off all of Sasuke's hair. Ronald pulled Sasuke out of the water and began giving Sasuke CPR. When Sasuek awoke and realized what was happening, he started moving around a lot to get away from Ronald, so when Ronald finally got up, Sasuke rolled himself into the water hazard with the shark again.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Oh my god, how stupid can you be!

Sasuke tried to swim away from the shark, but he couldn't for he was too slow and not a champion swimmer like RONALD MCDONALD! So, the shark rammed Sasuke into the side of the water hazard before Ronald McDonald came in and saved the day, for besides being the world's favorite clown, a ninja, a samurai, a world class golf player, and a champion swimmer, Ronald McDonald was also a full time SUPERHERO!

Once Sasuke was safe, Ronald McDonald yelled, "Super Ronald, TO THE RESCUE!" He then took more fires and shoved them in Sasuke's mouth, choking him, and so Sasuke started screaming, "HELP!" as loudly as he could while he was choking. Finally, no one came, so he realized what he had to do. "MY EYE!" Sasuke managed to scream, and with that, a man in green spandex and a green cape came running through the golf course towards Sasuke. It took him a little while to get to Sasuke, for a few people hit him in the head with a golf ball ont he way, but he finally made it.

"SUPER GAI IS HERE!" Gai announced as he showed off his super hero pose, "Did someone say eye?"

"Yes, that starving kid right there," Super Ronald said.

"Thank you, my fellow superhero. I will take it from here!" Gai yelled as he did the heimlich maneuver on Sasuke, saving Sasuke form a terrible fate.

"THANK YOU SUPER GAI! NOW CAN YOU PLEASE GET RONALD MCDONALD AWAY FROM ME?" Sasuke yelled.

"Ronald McDonald? WHERE? I only see Super Ronald!" Gai yelled.

"HE IS RONALD MCDONALD!" Sasuke yelled.

"I still don't see him! I'll get my fellow superheros to help! YODELEYHEHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Gai yodeled. And with that, Kurenai, Kakashi, and Asuma popped out of the ground with capes on as well.

"SUPER KURENAI!" Kurenai yelled.

"SUPER ASUMA!" Asuma yelled next.

"AND SUPER KAKASHI!" Kakashi screamed with glee.

"REPORTING FOR DUTY!" THe three yelled as they saluted Gai.

"At ease, soldiers, at ease," Gai said.

"I thought we were super heroes?" Asuma asked, confused. Gai looked at all of the costumes they were wearing and said, "So we are, Asuma. So we are."

"AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! WILL ONE OF YOU JUST GET RID OF RONALD MCDONALD FOR ME?" Sasuke screamed.

"Sasuke, why do you want to get rid of Ronald McDonald?" Kakashi, no, SUPER Kakashi, asked.

"BECAUSE HE IS STALKING ME! HE SCARES ME!" Sasuke cried as he shook with fear. The senseis all just looked at each other and started laughing.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: HA! I KNEW IT! THAT'S FOURTEEN OUT OF FOURTEEN! OH YEAH! POOH BEAR WINS! HAHA! YOU LOSE! YAY! AND ALL OF THE SUPERHERO SENSEIS ARE HERE TO WITNESS IT! Hey, that gives me an idea for a new story! I shall write about what would happen if all of the senseis thought they were superheroes! YES! IT IS BRILLIANT!

"Ugh, whatever. There are still a lot more tips left now will someone please GET RID OF RONALD MCDONALD!" Sasuke screamed.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Yes, and I can have them torture Sasuke some more! Yes, it is the perfect idea for a story!

"WILL YOU SHUT UP ABOUT YOUR STUPID STORY AND HELP ME?" Sasuke screamed.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Fine, Sasuke appeared in his room. Happy?

Sasuke appeared in his room and smiled and said, "Yes."

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Whatever. We have to end the chapter here so I can go off and plan my new story!

"Are you going to be in it?" Sasuke asked.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: It depends. If I can't think of a good way to make them think they are superheroes, I might just try and convince them the first chapter. Who knows! You'll have to read it and find out Sasuke! Mwahahahaha

"Ugh, whatever. Not like I'll have a choice, chances are you'll torture me at least once," Sasuke said.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: YEP! GOOD NIGHT! WE HAVE TO END NOW SO I CAN BEGIN PLANNING!

And with that the chapter ended so Pooh Bear could go off and plan her next story, coming to a theater near you in exactly 9,463,749 years, or whenever Pooh Bear finishes this story, or even earlier.

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Sorry for the extreme stupidity of this chapter! I had a lot of sugar, it was 1 in the morning, these things happen! I mean, most of the chapters are stupid, but this one just went above and beyond, I think, because of the extreme randomness. Still, I personally liked it so I hope you did too! And, it gave me a new idea for a story! As said above, that story will premiere in 9,463,749 years, or whenever I finish this story. Maybe even earlier. Hope you liked this chapter, and if you have any ideas for another tip, please let me know! And also, sorry for any spelling mistakes!

Pooh Bear Is My Hero


	16. The World Is A Stage, Sasuke's The Star!

1Thanks to all of you who have been reviewing! Sasuke and I both appreciate it! Say the disclaimer, Sasuke!

Sasuke: Hn

Say it or I'll make Itachi the Hokage in this chapter!

Sasuke: Pooh Bear doesn't own Naruto. Thank god for that.

Now, let's start the chapter!

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**Number Fifteen:**

**You Know You Are Insane If You Think The World Is A Stage, So You Sing to Every Person You See**

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"What? Who does that?" Sasuke asked.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: A pendulum swung back and forth in front of Sasuke so he became hypnotized.

As Pooh Bear said, a large pendulum appeared in front of Sasuke and he went into a hypnotic sleep.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: You are in a deep sleep Sasuke

"Deep...sleep," Sasuke repeated in his sleep.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: When you wake up, you will think the world is a stage and you will sing to ANYONE you see on the street.

"World...stage...sing...anyone," Sasuke mumbled.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Hmm, I could have some fun with this. Whenever I yell antidisestablishmentarianism, you will hug the person who is nearest you.

"Antidisestablishmentarianism...hug...person nearest me," Sasuke mumbled in his sleep.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: When I say pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis, you will bang your head on the nearest object or person.

"Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis...bang head on object or person," Sasuke mumbled.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Good, now, awaken!

And with that, Sasuke woke up, not remembering anything of what just happened. All he knew was that the world was a stage, and he had to SING!

"I MUST FIND SOMEONE TO SING TO!" Sasuke yelled.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: YES! Be one with your pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis!

"Is that even a word OWWWW!" Sasuke yelled as he ran involuntarily to the side of his house and banged his head against it a few times. Unfortunately, Sasuke didn't know there was a flower pot on the edge of a windowsill above him, so the flower pot fell and landed on Sasuke's head. It broke and Sasuke was covered in dirt.

"AAAHHHH! WHY DID I DO THAT?" Sasuke yelled.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Who knows? And so you know, that is a word. It means black lung cancer. Hey, isn't that Neji?

Sure enough, Neji was walking down the street. Sasuke immediately ran over to Neji and stopped right in front of him.

"Uchiha, what do you want?"Neji asked with a cold stare.

"AAHHHH! I DON'T HAVE BACKGROUND MUSIC!" Sasuke yelled.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: A portable CD player appeared next to Sasuke that will play the karaoke version of whatever song Sasuke wants to sing.

"Sure enough, it appeared next to Sasuke and he turned it on and started singing.

"_My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and their like, it's better than your. Danm right, it's better than yours. I can teach you but I have to charge. My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard and their like, it's better than yours. Damn right, it's better than yours. I can teach you but I have to charge," _Sasuke began. Neji just gave him a look of horror/surprise/disgust/enjoyment. Secretly, this was Neji's favorite song. He couldn't let anyone know though, so he decided to make fun of Sasuke for singing it.

"_I know you want it, The thing that makes me, what the guys go crazy for. They lose their minds, the way I wind, I think its time_," Sasuke continued. At this point, Sasuke began dancing circles around Neji while he threw his arms in the air and waved them around.

"_La la, la la la! Warm it up. La la, la la la! THE BOYS ARE WAITING_!" Sasuke sang as he got right up in Neji's face. This was the point where Neji punched Sasuke, causing him to fall backwards.

"Get out of my face, Uchiha," Neji said threateningly.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: SHOW HIM YOUR ANTIDISESTABLISHMENTARIANISM POWER!

At that point Sasuke, against his well, went over and gave Neji a huge bear hug. When he let go Neji punched him again and walked off to go to his house and sing in the privacy of his room.

"Why did I just HUG Neji?" Sasuke asked.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Who knows? Hey, isn't that Shikamaru?

Sure enough it was, so Sasuke ran over to him and turned his CD player on and began singing again before Shikamaru could protest.

"_I'm saying all the things that I know you'll like, makin' good conversation. I gotta handle you just right, you know what I mean. I took you to an intimate restaurant, then to a suggestive movie. There's nothin' left to talk about, unless it's horizontally,_" Sasuke began. Shikamaru stared at Sasuke like he was insane, and he dreaded hearing Sasuke sing more.

"_Let's get physical, physical, I wanna get physical, let's get into physical. Let me hear your body talk, your body talk, let me hear your body talk. Let's get physical, physical! I wanna get physical! Let's get into physical! Let me hear your body tal-_," "ENOUGH! This is so troublesome," Shikamaru said as he pushed Sasuke away from him and walked away.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Well that was...interesting... PNEUMONOULTRAMICROSCOPICSILICOVOLCANOCONIOSOS!

At that moment Sasuke went over to a tree and banged his head against a tree. Unfortunately for him, there was a hive of bees in that tree, and it fell out and got stuck on his head.

"AAAAHHHHHHHH! BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSS!" Sasuke screamed as he tried to pull the hive off with no effect. So, he ran and ran, hoping that the hive would eventually come off. However, since he couldn't see where he was going, he ran into a pit of lava.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Since when are there lava pits in the middle of Konoha?

"COME ONE! COME ALL! TO THE LAVA PIT FESTIVAL! ONLY IN KONOHA FOR THE REST OF THE DAY!" An announcer yelled.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Oooooh, okay. Now I understand.

"AAAAAHHHHHHHHH! Sasuke screamed in pain from the burns he was getting form the lava and the stings he was getting from the bees.

"DID SOMEONE SAY EYE?" Gai yelled as he ran next to the lava pit.

"No," everyone said informed him.

"So no one is in trouble?" Gai asked.

"No," everyone said again, even though Sasuke's screams for help could be heard by everyone.

"THEN AWAY I GO!" Gai yelled as he ran off to who knows where.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Wow, the people in Konoha are real idiots.

"YOU JUST NOTICED?" Sasuke screamed.

"SASUKE? IS THAT YOU?" Naruto yelled.

"DOBE! HELP ME!" Sasuke screamed.

"DON'T WORRY SASUKE! I'LL HELP!" Naruto yelled as he backed away from the lava pit. Then, he ran as fast as he could towards the lava pit to jump in, but he tripped and fell head first into the lava.

"AAAHHHHH! SASUKE! SAVE ME!" Naruto yelled. So now, both boys were screaming for help.

"NOOOOOO! I HAVE TO SING YOU A SONG!" Sasuke yelled.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: The CD player appeared next to the lava pit and started playing a song.

"_Now that you're out of my life, I'm so much better! Thought that I'd be weak without you, but I'm stronger! Thought that I'd be broke without ya, but I'm richer! Thought that I'd be sad without ya, I laugh harder! Thought I wouldn't grow without you, now I'm wiser! Thought that I's be helpless without ya, now I'm smarter! Thought I'd be stressed without ya, but I'm chillin! Ya thought I wouldn't sell without ya, I sold nine million," _Sasuke sang as he was stung by bees and burned by the lava. Naruto didn't even noticed he was being burned anymore. He just stared at Sasuke, his eye twitching, but then he got into the song as well.

"_I'm a survivor!" _Sasuke started.

"_What?" _Naruto put in.

"_I'm not gonna give up!" _Sasuke answered.

"_What?" _Naruto asked again.

"_I'm not gonna stop!" _Sasuke answered once more.

"_What?" _Naruto asked yet again.

"_I'm gonna work harder!"_ Sasuke replied.

"_What?" _Naruto yelled.

"_I'm a survivor!" _Sasuke sang.

"_What?" _Naruto sang.

"_I'm gonna make it!" _Sasuke yelled.

"_What?" _Naruto asked again.

"_I will survive!" _Sasuke replied once more.

"_What?" _Naruto asked one last time.

"_Keep on surviving!" _Sasuke sang again.

"Sasuke? Naruto?" A voice asked from above, interrupting Sasuke's song.

"HELP US!" Both boys screamed at once.

"D-Don't worry, I'll h-help you," the voice yelled. The person ran off and got a rope. She tied one end of the rope to a pole and the other end she tied around her waist. She hoisted herself down and grabbed naruto, who in turn grabbed Sasuke, and some people in town pulled the rope back up.

"Wow, thanks Hinata!" Naruto said when they got back on safe land. He hugged her, causing Hinata to blush and faint. She would have fallen into the pit herself if Sasuke hadn't caught her.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Wow, you two are lucky you only got minor burns. BUT YOUR FACE HAS BEE STINGS ALL OVER IT! AHAHAHA!!!

"I HAVE TO SING YOU A SONG HINATA!" Sasuke yelled as he played his CD player again when she woke up. Naruto and Hinata just stood there and watched Sasuke make a fool of himself.

"_You better WORK!" _Sasuke began as he snapped his fingers in Naruto and Hinata's faces.

"_You better WORK! COVERGIRL! Work it girl! Give it a twirl! Do your thing, on the runway!" _Sasuke sang as he pretended to walk on a runway. Hinata and Naruto just stared at him, scared out of their minds.

"_WOOOORK! SUPERMODEL! YOU BETTER WORK IT GIRL! ALL THE WORLD! Wet your lips, and smile to the camera!" _Sasuke continued as he licked his lips and smiled the most demented smile Naruto and Hinata ahd ever seen.

"_WORK! Turn to the left," _Sasuke sang as he he grabbed a scared Hinata and turned her to the left. "_WORK! Turn to the right," _He sang as he turned Hinata to the right this time.

"_WOOOORK! Sacher, chanter! And it don't watter what you wear! They're checking out your savoir fair. And it don't matter what you do! Cause everything looks good on YOU!" _Sasuke sang as he danced around Hinata and Naruto. Sasuke then acted like a robot and in a robotic voice he sang, _"Supermodel!"_

At this point Hinata and Naruto made a break for it and left Sasuke singing to himself. WHen Sasuek realized ther ewas no one else around to sing to, he stopped and walked off to the training grounds to sing.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: PNEUMONOULTRAMICROSCOPICSILICOVOLCANOCONIOSIS!

At that point Sasuke ran into a lampost, getting a concussion.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: AHAHAHAHAHA! YOU GOT A CONCUSSION! YAY! ATTACK HIM MY SQUIRREL FRIENDS!

At that moment about 30 rabid squirrels popped out of the bush next to Sasuke and began attacking him.

"AAAHHHHHHH!" Sasuke yelled as he awoke from his concussion, "THE SQUIRRELS! GET THEM AWAY!"

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Fine, fine. You've been through enough torture for now. The squirrels all began their journey to the Pacific Ocean.

And with that, the squirrels left to go to the Pacific Ocean. And so, Sasuke reached the training grounds and found...

"KAKASHI! I MUST SING TO YOU!" Sasuke screamed. Kakashi just looked at Sasuke as if he had lost what little of his sanity he had left. Sasuke paid no attention to him and just started playing the CD player.

"_Move, bitch! Get out the way! Get out the way, bitch! Get out the way! Move, bitch! Get out the way! Get out the way, bitch! Get out the way!" _Sasuke sang as gangster as he could, which was not very gangster at all.

"Sasuke, you're not gangster so stop singing," Kakashi ordered. He couldn't read his book with Sasuke singing like that, so he needed Sasuke to stop immediately.

"_OH NO! THE FIGHTS OUT! I'm about to punch yo lights out! Get the FUCK BACK! Guard yo grill! There's somehin wrong, we can't stay still! I've been drankin and bustin too and I been thinkin of bustin you inside yo motherfucking forehead! And if yo friends jump in "Oooohhhhhh Gurrrllll" they be mo dead! Causin confusion, disturbin the beace, it's not an illusion, we're running the streets. So bye-bye to all you groupies and golddiggers! Is there a bumber on your ass? NO N-" _Sasuke sang but was cut off by Kakashi.

"ENOUGH SASUKE!" Kakashi yelled. Sasuke stopped but then started break dancing. However, he failed horribly and he break danced into the river. Kakashi shrugged and said, "At least now I can get some reading done."

Sasuke struggled to stay afloat on the water and finally he reached land, where he found Kiba and Akamaru. He didn't have his CD player, but he sang anyway.

"_I wanna be the very best! Like no one ever was! To catch them is my real test, to train them is my cause!" _Sasuke began singing as he picked up Akamaru and held him above his head. Kiba ordered Sasuke to give Akamaru back, but Sasuke didn't listen.

"_I will travel across the land! Searching far and wide! Each Pokemon, to understand, the power that's inside!"_ Sasuke sang as he pointed to Akamaru when he mentioned Pokemon.

"AKAMARU IS NOT A POKEMON!" Kiba yelled.

_"POKEMON! Gotta cathc 'em all, it's you and me! I know it's my destiny! POKEMON! Oooh, you're my best friend, in a world we must defend!"_ Sasuke sang as he ran through town, holding Akamaru over his head, with Kiba chasing after him.

"_POKEMON! Gotta catch 'em all, a heart so true! Our courage will pull is through! You teach me and I'll teach you, POOOOKEEEEEMOOOOOOOOOOOOON! GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALL! GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALL! POKEMON!" _Sasuke sang as he continued running with Akamaru, Kiba still chasing him. Finally he ran into Shino, and yelled, "I MUST SING YOU A SONG SHINO!" With that Sasuke threw Akamaru up in the air behind him, and Kiba just barely cought him.

"No," Shino replied to Sasuke as he began to walk away.

"BUT THE WORLD IS A STAGE AND I MUST SING!" Sasuke yelled.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: HA! YOU'RE INSANE!

"What?" Sasuke asked. Shino had already left at this point.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Tip number fifteen: You know you are insane if you think the world is a stage and you sing to everyone you see.

"WHAT? NO WAY! LET ME SEE THE BOOK!" Sasuke screamed.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Fine. Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis.

Sasuke ran into a tree, and out of the tree the book that held all fo the tips fell out on Sasuke's head.

"OWW! Damn, where's the page?" Sasuke asked as he flipped through the pages of the book until he found the page labeled 'Number Fifteen.' Sasuke read it over and then looked up and said, "Damn," before he closed the book.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: HA! I TOLD YOU!

"But why am I singing to everyone?" Sasuke asked.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: I hypnotized you.

"WHAT?" Sasuke screamed, not realizing Hinata wasd coming up behind him.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: Yeah, I hypnotized you. Also, whenever I saw pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis, you ran unto the nearest thing to you.

And with that Sasuke ran into the tree yet again.

"OWW!" Sasuke yelled as he rubbed his head, "And when will all of this wear off?

Pooh Bear Is My Hero: By the next chapter. Oh, and whenever I say antidisestablishmentariansim, you hug the nearest person to you.

With that, Sasuke turned aorund and hugged Hinata.

"AAAHHHHHH! HINATA! I MUST SING TO YOU!" Sasuke yelled.

"NO! I-I just need to t-take y-you to s-see Neji because he w-wants to talk to y-you," Hinata said as she pulled Sasuke, who had begun singing, to the Hyuuga Manor.

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At The Hyuuga Manor

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"T-This is N-Neji's room," Hinata said a sshe opened the door for Sasuke and ran off sos he didn't have to hear him sing anymore. Sasuke walked in and saw Neji singing along to a CD he had in his CD player.

"SASUKE! SING WITH ME!" Neji yelled. Sasuke ran in the room and closed the door behind him and started singing along with Neji.

"_My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and their like, it's better than your. Danm right, it's better than yours. I can teach you but I have to charge. My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard and their like, it's better than yours. Damn right, it's better than yours. I can teach you but I have to charge," _both boys sang in perfect harmony. At that moment, Neji's uncle, Hiashi, walked in and asked, "What are you boys doing?"

"_I know you want it, The thing that makes me, what the guys go crazy for. They lose their minds, the way I wind, I think its time_," Nejia nd Sasuke continued singing.

"I LOVE THIS SONG! I'LL SING WITH YOU!" Hiashi yelled as he began singing with the two boys.

"_La la, la la la! Warm it up. La la, la la la! THE BOYS ARE WAITING! La la, la la la! Warm it up! La la, la la la! THE BOYS ARE WAITING!" _Sasuke, Neji, and Hiashi sang along with the CD. And so, the three sang all of their favorite songs into the next chapter, which included _Milkshake, Dancing Queen, Supermodel, Mickey, _and every Britney Spears song known to man and 12 and a half known to antelopes.

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_Preview for Next Chapter_

_"Sasuke, what's wrong?" Naruto asked with concern._

_"AAAHHHHHH! THE FLUFFYNESS! IT'S GOING TO KILL ME!" Sasuke screeched._

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And another chapter is done! YAY! In case any of you are wondering, the songs used were _Milkshake _by Kelis, _Let's Get Physical _by Olivia Newton John, _Survivor _by Destiny's Child, _Supermodel _by Taylor Dayne, _Move Bitch _by Ludacris, and _The Pokemon Theme Song. _Please review and let me know what you think! Sorry if there are any spelling mistakes! And also, sorry ti took so long to put up! I've just been busy with school work and stuff like that lately.

Pooh Bear Is My Hero


	17. Pooh Bear's Lovely Author's Note

**_POOH BEAR IS MY HERO'S AUTHOR'S NOTE!_**

This author's note is kind of unnecessary as I could just put all of this information in the summary of the story, but I didn't want to delete the summary! Anyways, I just wanted to inform everyone that this story will be on **TEMPORARY **hiatus until further notice. I am hoping that I can continue it very soon, but I've just been so swamped with schoolwork and everything that I've kind of been neglecting all of my stories. I am hoping to update sometime in May if possible, but if the schoolwork doesn't let up soon that won't be happening. This story will be updated by the **END OF JUNE **at the **LATEST!** So, I'm sorry I haven't been updating and I hope I get a break in school so I can update soon! Buh-bye!

Pooh Bear Is My Hero


	18. WE'RE BACK WITH FLUFFY ANIMALS!

I am SO SORRY that I haven't updated until NOW! I've just been busy and I hadn't been on this site for a month, but I'm finally back and I hope to finish this story soon! Now, Sasuke, the disclaimer please?

Sasuke: Pooh Bear doesn't own Naruto...

Also, thank you to **Hillarious Tragedy **for the idea for this chapter! Now, on with the story!

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**Number Sixteen:**

**You Know You Are Insane If You Think The Entire Human Population Has Turned Into Fluffy Animals And They Are Trying To Kill You**

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"What kind of tip is that?" Sasuke asked.

Pooh Bear: A good one.

"There is no way I will ever think something like that," Sasuke said as he walked down the street.

Pooh Bear: A tree appeared in front of Sasuke.

The tree did indeed appear and Sasuke walked right into it.

Pooh Bear: Wow, you need some glasses if you couldn't see that tree!

"Hmm...maybe your right..." Sasuke said.

Pooh Bear: I am right! And with the glasses, it will be easier to see Itachi and easier to kill him!

"TRUE! TO THE GLASSES STORE! AWAAAAAAAAAY!" Sasuke yelled as he ran to the glasses store.

Pooh Bear: All of the glasses will cause Sasuke to-

"What did you say?" Sasuke asked as he walked into the glasses shop.

Pooh Bear: NOTHING!

Sasuke shrugged, not realizing that what Pooh Bear had wished to happen had come true already. Sasuke picked up a pair of glasses and decided they were good, so he left some money for them on the counter, since he couldn't find the owner of the shop, and left.

Pooh Bear: And now the fun begins, hehe.

"What the hell is tha-AAAAHHHHHH!" Sasuke screamed as he saw what looked like a rabid squirrel to him, but any sane person would realize it was Naruto.

"Sasuke, what's wrong?" Naruto asked.

"AAAHHHHHH! THE FLUFFYNESS! IT'S GOING TO KILL ME!" Sasuke screeched as he ran past the 'rabid squirrel' and jumped into a window of a show that he thought was open, but was actually closed.

"OWWW!" Sasuke yelled as he covered his now bloody nose, "DAMMIT! THIS SHOP MUST USE WINDEX!"

"Sasuke?" Sasuke heard someone say behind him. He turned aorund and saw a huge blood thirsty beaver staring at him.

"AAAHHHHH! BEAVER!" Sasuke yelled as he pointed to the so-called 'beaver', who was actually Ino Yamanaka.

"Sasuke...are you okay?" Ino asked, very concerned.

"STAY AWAY EVIL BEAVER THING!" Sasuke screamed.

"Sasuke, I think you're delirious. Maybe you should lie down for a while," Ino suggested, "Come with me and we'll go to a hospital...a mental hospital..."

"I'm not going anywhere with you! YOU'RE GOING TO KILL ME!" Sasuke screamed.

"I'm not going to hurt you Sasuke..." Ino said, trying to stay clam with the uncooperative boy.

"GET AWAY!" Sasuke yelled as he threw a kunai at Ino. Ino saw the attack coming and ducked, and Sasuke took this as his chance to run as far away from the 'beaver' as he could.

"UCHIHA! How are you on this beautiful morning?" A farmiliar voice yelled from behind Sasuke. Sasuke turned around and screamed at the sight in front of him.

"AAAHHHH! GIANT GREEN FLUFFY THING! GET AWAY!" Sasuke screamed.

"Why do you call me a green fluffy thing? I am Lee!" Lee said as he inched closer to the panicked boy.

"YOU LOOK LIKE BABY BOP ON STEROIDS!" Sasuke screamed.

"Are you okay?" Lee asked as he tried to feel Sasuke's forehead to see if he had a fever.

"GET AWAY!" Sasuke yelled as he ran past Lee and back into town, screaming, "BABY BOP ON STEROIDS IS GOING TO KILL ME!" The town just ignored him, as they knew Sasuke has been running through town the past few days chanting random things. Most people blamed it on puberty, but there were those few who blamed it on Dr. Phil...

Pooh Bear: AHAHAHAHAHA! THIS IS PRICELESS!

As Sasuke was running, he ran into an unknown figure, and started screaming when he saw who it was.

"EVIL CATS! GET THEM AWAY!" Sasuke screamed as he pointed at his sensei and Asuma.

"See? We told you osmething was wrong with him!" Ino and Naruto yelled. Kakashi and Asuma grabbed Sasuke when they realized that the two blonde ninjas were right.

"Come on Sasuke, it's time to go see Gai again!" Kakashi said.

"AAAHHHHH! THE CAT IS TOUCHING ME! GET IT AWAY! GET IT AWAY!" Sasuke screamed in agony as he fought with all his power to escape the 'cats', completely oblivious to the fact that he was going to see Gai again.

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Gai's Psychiatric Office

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"I knew you would come back to me Sasuke! They always do!" Gai exclaimed happily as Sasuke clawed at the door, desperate to find a way out.

"Now, what seems to be the problem, Sasuke?" Gai asked.

"I'M STUCK IN A ROOM WITH A GIANT CHIPMUNK!" Sasuke screeched as he pointed accusingly at Gai.

"Sasuke, there are no chipmunks in my office, although I do think they would add a nice touch, don't you?" Gai asked.

"NOOOOOOO!" Sasuke screamed in agony as he huddled in a corner to escape from the evil 'chipmunk'.

"I know what's wrong, Sasuke," Gai said, "My rival Kakshi has made you so unyouthful that you've gone insane!"

"NOOOO! EVERYONE I'VE EVER KNOWN HAS TURNED INTO GIANT FLUFFY ANIMALS THAT WANT TO KILL ME!" Sasuke protested.

Pooh Bear: HA! You are insane!

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?" Sasuke screamed as he moved behind the couch to hide from Gai/the chipmunk.

Pooh Bear: You said that fluffy animals are trying to kill you, and if you'll remember back to this morning, you'll remember that today's tip was that 'you know you're insane if you think the entire human population has trnasformed into fluffy animals and they are trying to kill you.'

"I DON'T REMEMBER THAT!" Sasuke said as he tried to think back.

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Flashback

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_"Tip number sixte-"_

Pooh Bear: NO! NO! STOP THE FLASHBACK! I TOLD YOU I HATE THEM!

"Fine," Sasuke said as Pooh Bear ended the flashback sequence and everyone was brought back to reality.

Pooh Bear: Stop being lazy by going through flashback after flashback and just read the damn book.

"Fine, where is it?" Sasuke asked.

Pooh bear: In your back pocket! I made it smaller so you can carry it with you!

"Hn, great," Sasuke mumbled as he began flipping through the tips until he realized Pooh Bear was right.

"Damn..." Sasuke mumbled.

Pooh Bear: SEE? I told you I was right!

"Whatever, but that still doesn't explain why I've been seeing these animals!" Sasuke screamed when he relaized that Gai/the chipmunk was inching towards him becasue it looked like Sasuke was talking to himself.

Pooh Bear: Take off your glasses and look at Gai again.

"But then I won't be able to se-"

Pooh Bear: JUST DO IT!

"ALL RIGHT! FINE!" Sasuke said as he took off his glasses and looked at Gai, who was back to normal.

"What the hell just happened?" Sasuke demanded of Pooh Bear.

Pooh Bear: The glasses were what made you see fluffy animals, thanks to me!

"YOU SET ME UP!" Sasuke screamed, "You took advantage of my disability to see! Even I wouldn't do something like that!"

Pooh Bear: You can see just fine. The only reason you walked into that tree was because I put it there at the last second because I thought it would be funny to watch you walk into a tree!

"IT WAS ALL YOUR FAULT! IT'S YOUR FAULT PEOPLE THINK I'M INSANE!" Sasuke screamed.

Pooh Bear: Wrong again Sasuke! I'm just helping you find your true self!

"Ugh, whatever, can I just go home now?" Sasuke asked.

"NO! WE HAVE MUCH MORE THERAPY TO DO!" Gai yelled.

"NOOOOOO!" Sasuke screamed.

Pooh Bear: Have fun in therapy, Sasuke! And remember, only 34 more tips to go!

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Okay, so it wasn't my best chapter ever, even though it should be like, amazing since I've had MONTHS to work on it! Sorry this took so long to put up, I got distracted with some other things...I'm hoping to update a lot quicker now, but I really can't promise anything what with school starting up...Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and if you have any suggestions for tips I can use in Sasuke's book, please let me know! I would greatly appreciate it!

HAPPY FIRST DAY OF AUTUMN!

Pooh Bear Is My Hero


	19. Sasukemon! I Choose You!

It has been exactly three months and one day since I updated this story last. It's really bad, each time I update I say I'll update quicker, but I never do, so I'm just going to stop lying by saying that I'll update quicker, because every time I say that something come up and I can't update for months. Anyway, I HOPE I can update more often, but I'm not making any promises. Here's the next chapter, which is personally one of my favorites so far. If you haven't seen at least one episode of pokemon before, then I'm sorry if you don't really get this chapter. You really should watch at least one episode of pokemon before reading this to get it entirely.

ON WITH THE CHAPTER!

But first, disclaimer: I DO NTO OWN NARUTO OR POKEMON OR ANY OTHER SHOWS OR MOVIES I MAY MENTION IN THIS CHAPTER!!!

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**Number Seventeen:**

**You know you are insane if you want to be the very best, like no one ever was and to catch them is your real test, to train them is your cause. You could also be partially insane if you will travel across the land, searching far and wide for each pokemon, to understand the power that's inside.**

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Pooh Bear: Why does this tip make me want to break out into song...particularly the original Pokemon theme song?

"GET OUT OF MY OFFICE! THERE IS NO YOUTH LEFT IN YOU! ALL HOPE IS LOST!" Gai yelled as he threw a chair at Sasuke. The chair collided with Sasuke, causing him to tumble outside of Gai's office. Gai immediately closed the door once Sasuke was gone.

"FINALLY! I'M FREE!" Sasuke yelled.

Pooh Bear: SASUKE! Wanna hear the next tip?

"No, I want to go home. I've been stuck in Gai's office for three months!" Sasuke screamed as he began walking home.

Pooh Bear: Three months and one day, to be exact.

"WHATEVER! It's still a long amount of time to be cooped up in a small space with an insane jounin who specializes in HAND-TO-HAND COMBAT! And another thin-HEY! IT'S A PIKACHU!" Sasuke screamed.

Pooh Bear: ...Excuse me?

"I HAVE TO CATCH IT!" Sasuke yelled as he reached in his pocket for a poke ball, but none could be found.

Pooh Bear: ...Poke balls appeared in Sasuke's pockets...

"AHA! MY TRUSTY POKE BALL!" Sasuke screamed as he finally found poke balls, "POKE BALL, GOOOOOOOOOO!"

"WHAT THE HE-" the 'Pikachu' began before the poke ball engulfed it. The poke ball shook three times before Sasuke finally picked it up, screaming, "I CAUGHT MY FIRST POKEMON!"

Pooh Bear: ...Umm...you do realize that that's Kiba...not a Pikachu...

"IT'S A PIKACHU!" Sasuke yelled as he threw the poke ball and 'Pikachu' came out.

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?" Kiba screamed as he waved his arms around in front of Sasuke, scratching his face accidentally.

"SEE! IT'S A POKEMON! IT JUST USED SCRATCH ATTACK!" Sasuke yelled as he returned Kiba to his poke ball.

Pooh Bear: Okay, okay, it's a pokemon...but it isn't a Pikachu. Call it Kiba, at least.

"How about Kibamon?" Sasuke asked, "He'll be Kibamon the Pikachu!"

Pooh Bear: Good enough, I guess...

"ALL RIGHT! Now that I have Kibamon, I must travel the world to become the very best like no one ever was by catching more POKEMON!" Sasuke yelled as he began running towards town.

Pooh Bear: I guess he's really turning insane now...I didn't even have to do anything for him to think he's become a pokemon trainer...

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"KIBAMON! I CHOOSE YOU!" Sasuke screamed as he threw Kibamon's pokeball. Kiba popped out and screamed, "WHAT DO YOU WANT NOW?"

"USE SCRATCH ON THAT NINETAILS!" Sasuke yelled as he pointed to this supposed Ninetails. Kiba looked towards where Sasuke was pointing and saw a grinning Naruto.

"KIBAMON! Start with the scratching already!" Sasuke screamed as Kiba jumped into action and scratched Naruto's face. Naruto fell on his knees and held his head in pain.

"POKE BALL, GOOOO!" Sasuke screamed as he threw an empty poke ball.

"SASUKE! KIBA! What are you guys doi-OOOWWW!" Naruto yelled as he looked up at Sasuke and Kiba, only to be hit in the face with a poke ball. Naruto fell over on the ground as the poke ball opened and captured Naruto. The ball shook three times before Sasuke picked it up, yelling, "KIBAMON! WE CAUGHT A POKEMON!"

"Whatever. Can I leve now?" Kiba asked.

"Absolutely not!" Sasuke replied as he took out Kibamon's poke ball and forced Kiba to return.

Pooh Bear: That wasn't a Ninetails, Sasuke.

"YES IT IS! It had whiskers!" Sasuke argued.

Pooh Bear: No, it was Naruto.

"I don't care, I'm going to call him Ninetails!" Sasuke said.

Pooh Bear: Well, I guess that isn't technically incorrect...

"IT'S A SLOWPOKE!" Sasuke declared, interrupting Pooh Bear.

"Hmm? Me?" The 'Slowpoke' asked.

Pooh Bear: Sasuke, I think you should give up on that one. He won't be as easy to catch as the other two you caught. He isn't an idiot like Kiba and Naruto...I mean, Kibamon and Ninetails...

"Don't worry! Ninetails can do it!" Sasuke yelled as he released Naruto from its poke ball.

"HI KAKASHI-SENSEI!" Naruto yelled when it saw its opponent.

"Hello, Naruto," Kakashi said, "Sasuke, what's going on?"

"I'M GOING TO CAPTURE YOU!" Sasuke yelled.

"I think you need more time in Gai's therapy..." Kakashi said as he started towards Sasuke.

"NINETAILS! DOUBLE TEAM!" Sasuke yelled.

"Uhhh...how about SHADOW CLONE JUTSU!" Naruto yelled as he made 9 shadow clones appear.

"GOOD JOB NINETAILS!" Sasuke yelled.

"Sasuke, enough of th-" Kakashi began before he fell over when Naruto hit him in the head with a tree branch.

"POKE BALL! GO!" Sasuke screamed as he threw a poke ball at Kakashi. The poke ball captured him as well, and Sasuke picked it up, proudly exclaiming how he caught a 'Slowpoke'.

Pooh Bear: Wow. Who knew it was so easy to defeat a jounin level ninja.

"The Slowpoke is a ninja?" Sasuke asked.

Pooh Bear: Uhh...sure...hey, Sasuke, why don't we call the Slowpoke Kakashimon?

"Sounds good to me!" Sasuke said happily as he headed into the heart of town. And so, the cycle of Sasuke catching a 'pokemon' and Pooh Bear naming it continued for most of the afternoon.

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3 Hours and 19 Minutes Later

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Pooh Bear: Okay, I'm sorry Sasuke, as much fun as it is watching you make a fool of yourself, you have to stop catching these so-called pokemon!

"WHAT?" Sasuke yelled, "BUT I HAVE TO BE THE VERY BEST! I NEED TO CATCH EVERY SINGLE POKEMON!"

Pooh Bear: Well, as of now, you've caught about 68 percent of Konoha's population.

"I NEED MORE! After I get all of the pokemon in Konoha, I will move on to the Sand Village!" Sasuke declared.

Pooh Bear: Ugh, fine, if you won't listen to me, I'll make you stop the hard way.

"Yeah, whatever," Sasuke said as he searched for more 'pokemon' to capture, "HEY! IT'S A POKEMON!"

Neji, who happened to be walking down the street, stopped and looked at Sasuke. He saw a crazed look in Sasuke's eyes and knew that meant trouble, so he began running aay from Sasuke.

"STOOOOP! I DON'T WANT TO KILL YOU! I ONLY WANT TO BRUTALLY ATTACK YOU WITH MY POKEMON AND THEN CAPTURE YOU!" Sasuke yelled as he chased after Neji, who was trying to convice Sasuke that he was Neji and not a pokemon.

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2 Hours and 37 Minutes Later

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"Ugh, I can't find ANY pokemon, and I actually haven't heard from that obnoxious voice in a while," Sasuke said to himself.

"WHAT WAS THAT?" a voice that sounded like Pooh Bear's said from behind Sasuke. Sasuke turned around to see who said that, and he saw...

"ASH KETCHUM?" Sasuke screamed, "But you aren't in the Naruto show!"

"Yeah, neither are any of these so-called pokemon, or this so-called voice you claim to hear..." Ash said.

"Wait...why don't you sound like Ash?" Sasuke asked.

"What do you mean?" Ash asked.

"I've watched every single episode of your show, and your voice DOES sound girly, but it never sounded that girly, and it never sounded that much like the voice that controls my life," Sasuke said.

"That's because the voice that controls your life is controlling this body," 'Ash' said.

"So that's Pooh bear in Ash's body?" Sasuke asked.

"Yeah," Pooh Bear/Ash said.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT OF THAT?" Sasuke screamed.

"I'll explain everything after we have a pokemon battle," Pooh Bear said, "Whoever gets 3 victories first wins the battle."

"ALL RIGHT! Bring it on! I have my top 6 pokemon ready for battle!" Sasuke said.

"HOLD ON! If I win, you have to quit being a pokemon trainer. If you win, I'll stop controlling your life. Deal?" Pooh Bear asked.

"Deal. KAKASHIMON! GO!" Sasuke yelled as Kakashi came out of his poke ball.

"GO! GAIMON!" Pooh bear yelled as she threw the poke ball and out came Gai.

"KAKASHIMON! MY ARCH RIVAL!" Gai yelled.

"Oh boy..." Kakashi groaned.

"KAKASHIMON! USE THUNDERBOLT!" Sasuke yelled. Kakashi prepared his chidori, and while he was doing so, Pooh bear ordered her Gaimon to use firepunch. Gai did as he was told, and he punched Kakashi while he was vulnerable.

"YES! CRITICAL HIT!" Pooh Bear yelled.

"KAKASHIMON!" Sasuke yelled, but Kakashi had no chance of recovering. Sasuke had Kakashi return to his poke ball, and Pooh bear did the same for Gai.

"WOOHOO! TWO MORE TO GO!" Pooh bear yelled.

"This one will win for sure! GO SAKURAMON!" Sasuke yelled as he threw a poke ball and Sakura came out.

"INOCHU! I CHOOSE YOU!" Pooh Bear yelled as Ino popped out of her poke ball.

"USE SCREECH ATTACK!" Both Pooh Bear and Sasuke yelled at the same time.

"Oh, you are SO GOING DOWN BILLBOARD BROW! YOU WILL NEVER BEAT ME! I AM WAY BETTER THAN YOU IN EVERY WAY POSSIBLE AND IT'S IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME TO LOSE TO YOU!" Ino began screaming.

"Oh, I HATE YOU INO-PIG! THERE'S NO WAY I'M LOSING TO YOU ANYMORE! I'M GOING TO TAKE YOU DOWN AND I'M GOING TO WIN SASUKE BECAUSE THERE'S NO WAY I'M GOING TO GIVE SASUKE TO YOU!" Sakura began screeching as well. Eventually, you couldn't tell what either of the girls were saying, all you could hear was their high pitched screeches from their voices. It eventually got so bad that Pooh Bear and Sasuke's ears started to bleed, and they had to cover their ears. Just as they were getting loud enough for the entire VILLAGE to hear them, both collapsed at the same time, unconscious.

"WHAT HAPPENED?" Sasuke yelled.

"I think they forgot to breath during their screech attack..." Pooh Bear said as she returned Ino to her poke ball, "They should be fine after a few hours of sleep, I guess."

"So who wins that one?" Sasuke asked as he returned Sakura to her poke ball.

"No one, I guess, since they both hit the ground at the same time. It's a tie," Pooh bear said as she prepared to release her next pokemon.

"THAT SUCKS! I thought for sure I was going to win with Sakuramon, but I never expected you to have an Inochu! That's the only other pokemon that ahs a powerful screech attack like Sakuramon!" Sasuke yelled.

"Well, let's start the next match. TSUNADEMON! GO!" Pooh Bear yelled as Tsunade popped out of her poke ball.

"KABUTO! GO!" Sasuke yelled as Kabuto came out of his poke ball.

"KABUTO! Use recover!" Sasuke ordered.

"There is nothing for me to recover..." Kabuto said slowly.

"Oh..." Sasuke said, not sure about what other attacks Kabuto had.

"TSUNADE! EARTHQUAKE!" Pooh bear yelled as Tsunade stomped on the ground, causing the earth to shake. Kabuto fell over and hit his head on the ground, going unconscious.

"KABUTO! You have something to recover now, so RECOVER!" Sasuke yelled, but Kabuto did nothing, for he was unconscious.

"Damn," Sasuke said as he called Kabuto back.

"WOOHOO! ONE MORE AND I WIN THE BATTLE!" Pooh Bear yelled as she returned Tsunade to her poke ball.

"Argh, NEJICHU! I CHOOSE YOU!" Sasuke yelled.

"LEECHU! GO!" Pooh Bear yelled. Both lee and Neji came outn of their respective poke balls.

"LEECHU! USE MEGA KICK!" Pooh Bear yelled as Lee prepared to do a full power kick on Neji.

"NEJICHU! Evade and use doubleslap!" Sasuke ordered. Neji evaded Lee's kick and slapped Lee hard twice.

"Doubleslap again! And again! And again!" Sasuke ordered. Neji did as he was told and slapped Lee until he fell over in pain.

"DAMN! Return, Leechu!" Pooh bear said as he prepared her next pokemon.

"Ha, I finally won one!" Sasuke said as he returned Neji to his poke ball.

"This one will finish you! GO ITACHIMON!" Pooh bear yelled as Itachi popped out of a poke ball.

"ITACHIMON! One of the rarest pokemon there is!" Sasuke yelled, "I'll take it on with my Ninetails!"

Naruto popped out of his poke ball and the two prepared to fight each other.

"Ninetails, use double team!" Sasuke ordered as Naruto made a bunch of shadow clones.

"Itachimon, use fire blast on all of them!" Itachi did as he was told and destroyed all of the Naruto clones, along with badly damaging Naruto.

"NOOOOOO! I LOST THE BATTLE AND I HAVE TO GIVE UP BEING A POKEMON TRAINER!" Sasuke screamed.

"That's right. Now let all of your pokemon go," Pooh bear ordered. Sasuke refused, so Pooh Bear ordered Itachimon to knock Sasuke out so they could release all of the 'pokemon' for him.

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The Next Morning

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Pooh Bear: SASUKE! WAKE UP!

"WHAT DO YOU WANT?" Sasuke screamed as he fell outn of his bed.

Pooh Bear: I just wanted to tell you that you are one more tip closer to becoming insane.

"What?" Sasuke asked.

Pooh Bear: Just read tip number seventeen in the book over there on your night stand.

Sasuke did as he was told and as he did, all of the events from the day before flooded back into his memory.

"Damnit. What did you do to make me think pokemon were real?" Sasuke asked.

Pooh Bear: I didn't do anything this time, actually.

"What?" Sasuke asked.

Pooh Bear: Yeah, I was surprised, too. I couldn't figure out what it was, but then I got to thinking about your brother and how his eyesight is going bad form using his Sharingan 24/7. So, I decided to see if you were using Sharingan a lot lately. That's why I pretended to be Ash Ketchum, so I could see if you were using Sharingan or not. I couldn't see from above you because you wouldn't look up. Turns out, you were using the Sharingan. Were you using it during your three months and one day with Gai, too?

"Come to think of it, yeah," Sasuke said.

Pooh Bear: That's what it was, then. You used your Sharingan too much, so your eyesight went kind of bad for a short time and you thought everyone was a pokemon.

"So...you HAD to pretend to be Ash Ketchum to do that? You couldn't just be yourself?" Sasuke ask.

Pooh Bear: No, I could have been myself. But then you have to take a long time to explain what I look like in the story and I didn't have the attention span to do that today, so I just said I took over Ash Ketchum's body. Also, it's more fun to take over people's bodies, and it added to the suspense when you turned around to find out who was standing behind you.

"Okay..." Sasuke said as he heard a knock on his door. He went to the door to find three men in white coats.

"Sasuke Uchiha?" one of the men asked.

"Yeah..." Sasuke said.

"GRAB HIM!" a different man said. All three dog piled on Sasuke as they struggled to put a straight jacket on him.

"All right, let's take him to the insane asylum," one man said as the put him in the back of their van.

"WHAT? I'M NOT INSANE!" Sasuke screamed as the van began moving towards the asylum.

Pooh Bear: Don't fight it Sasuke! They only want to help you! Just remember, only 33 more tips to go!

And with that, the bus that was taking Sasuke to the insane asylum faded into the distant sunset.

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Well, I hope you like this chapter, even if you aren't a fan of Pokemon! Please let me know what you think of it, and if you have any ideas for a tip to use to prove Sasuke is insane, please let me know!!!

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!

Pooh Bear Is My Hero


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